freakshow

happy birthday to me.

5 months later.

"Dear diary, It's been a while since i've written in you. A lot has happened in the past few months. Me and Jimmy finally got together! Tomorrow will our 4 month anniversary! Being with him is amazing! We've only gotten into a couple of small fights but we always work through it. He's been kind of depressed recently since Meep died. I never knew Meep that well but he seemed like a kind guy. Oh also I found my act and what makes me a "freak". My talent is I sing. What makes me different is Elsa died my hair white and gives me purple contacts to wear. She calls me "Fairygirl". I know, I thought it was stupid at first too but I'll do anything to stay here."

"Hey baby, what are you doing?" Jimmy asks as he enters the trailer. "Oh nothing." "Ok. Um so I have a surprise for you but you have to put on this blindfold." Jimmy explains. "I don't know that's a little sketchy Jimmy." I laugh. "Come on it'll be great!" He says. "Ok fine." He wraps the blindfold around my head, and holds my hand to lead me out of the trailer. I can't tell where he's taking me, but I think it's in a tent. "Ok take it off." Jimmy says.

...

"SURPRISE!!!"
I remove my blindfold to see everyone standing around a table. There's a big banner that says Happy Birthday, and a pink cake in the center of the table. "Aww guys this is so sweet! You didn't have to do all this!" I say with a big smile on my face. "Of course we did baby. You're family now." Jimmy says. "Come on darlin' come open yer' gifts." Jimmys mother says.

1 hour later, after the party

"That was amazing everyone thank you so much!" I say. "You're welcome baby now go get some beauty sleep. You'll need it for next week." Miss. Elsa says. "Ok everyone. Goodnight." I say as I leave the tent. Jimmy walks with me back to the tent holding my hand. Once we get to the trailer, I start to change into pajamas, when I notice Jimmy watching me change. I just laugh and continue changing. "Jimmy did you plan all of that?" I ask him. "Well I had a little bit of help." He says. "Well, thank you. I loved it." I tell him. "Oh! That reminds me." He brings out a small box from a drawer. "Here turn around." I do as he says, and he puts a beautiful necklace around my neck. "Oh Jimmy it's amazing. Thank you." I say and then give him a quick peck on the lips. He looks at me longingly, and then kisses me again, this time more passionately then the last. We both sit on the bed and continue. We slowly sink into the bed, and he starts kissing my jawline, and then neck. I slowly take off his shirt. I admire him for a minute, but my thoughts get cut off by him. He then pushes me back into laying down, this time a little harder. I let out a small sound, but get cut off by him kissing me. Jimmy and I have never gotten this far before, and I think he wants to change that. I don't have a lot of time to think, because he slowly starts unbuttoning my dress. I pull the dress over my shoulders, and throw it on the floor. He looks down at my body, and lets out a deep sigh. He caresses my back while kissing my stomach, working his way down. I let out a small moan, and he looks up at me and smiles. "Are you sure you wanna do this Y/n?" Jimmy asks. "Um yea- yeah I think so." I say, out of breath. "Ok" He starts to caress my thighs, and then works off my underwear. "Actually wait wait Jimmy hold on." I say. I'm starting to rethink my decision. I don't think i'm ready for this yet. "What's wrong Y/n?" Jimmy asks. I sit up and so does he. "It's just I don't know if I'm ready." I say to him. "Damn it Y/n. Damn it." He says quietly. "What what is it?" I ask. "WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR FOUR FUCKING MONTHS AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A SINGLE THING OUT OF YOU! THIS IS THE FARTHEST WE'VE GONE AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET ANYWHERE!" He yells. "Jimmy please don't yell, i'm sorry. I'm trying my best, but I'm just not ready." I try to explain to him. "DON'T TELL ME TO NOT YELL. YOU'RE SO GOD DAMN IRRITATING. I CAN'T GO WITHOUT IT ANY LONGER. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" "No Jimmy I don't understand. Enlighten me." I can tell he's been drinking tonight, but it still hurts. I can't believe he would do this. "Y/N YOU'RE A TEASE. IM DONE. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU BUT YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME!" Jimmy says. "JIMMY ARE YOU REALLY THAT SELFISH. YOU KNOW WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? JIMMY I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN BUT I JUST- I just can't." I say with tears streaming down my face. We've fought before but never like this. I'm scared of what he'll do next. "WHY? WHY CANT YOU?!" "BECAUSE JIMMY IM NOT READY. IM SCARED OKAY! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?" "You know what I can't do this." Jimmy says. He walks out of the trailer, and goes god knows where. I just sit there alone, crying. This can't end well.