sunshine // l.r.h

2.

dear diary,

today has been really difficult. everyone told me that it would get easier as the days go by but it's been exactly three years now and there hasn't been a single day that i don't miss him. happy birthday kai. i've genuinely started to forget that it's my birthday too, due to the family not celebrating the day anymore. to us, it was just another regular day. our mum, my mum, would go into complete turmoil the weeks leading up to the 22nd, so my dad decided it would be best to give her a break. although the break never actually ended. my friends respected it so they haven't brought it up since. lily understood the most though, for it hit her probably just as hard as it hit me. we grew up with her. we were like the three musketeers and still were, until there was only two of us. the bond is still there, still as thick as blood, but 'the two musketeers' just doesn't have the same ring to it. she makes sure to visit, especially throughout the whole of may, even more than before which i didn't think was possible but somehow, just somehow, it is. i enjoy it thou-

"rise and shine georgi!" my energetic best friend bursted through the door, abruptly putting an end to my writing. i gave her a shy smile and she ignored it, giving me a look that i'm all too familiar with. any second now... there it is, the infamous smirk i've grown a love/hate relationship with over the years.

"writing about me in your little diary are we?" she questioned. "lemme see!" i chose to ignore her pleas, holding the torn, water damaged paperback book above my head, out of her reach.

"okay, now that's not fair." she spread out on my bed in a starfish-like position and pouted like a small child after being told no.  i chuckled before realising her previous statement, commenting on that instead, "lily, it's 3 in the afternoon, i don't think it's 'rise and shine' time."

she sat up onto her elbows, resting her chin on top of her right palm and sighed before exclaiming, "could you be anymore uncultured?" resulting in a rant about this funny clip made by some celebrity that i didn't really care to know the name of, completely zoned out- too engrossed in my own thoughts to pay any attention.

a hand came to grab my knee in a reassuring touch and i melted into it, revelling in the feeling of warmth and comfort that i hadn't experienced in exactly three years.

"let's get you out of here." i turned to look at my green eyed best friend and noticed her now off of my bed and extending a hand out to me. i took it with a nod and slipped on some shoes, touching the shiny silver necklace that was permanently attached to my neck. the pendant was simple yet intricate, polished metal accented with royal blue details, it looked as though it could be worth millions but i highly doubt it was.

kai had bought it along side a bracelet for himself which matched with mine, with his first ever pay cheque. he claimed that as long as we wore them, we would never be apart, as well as surprising me with a light brown almost coffee and cream coloured teddy. due to my parents and their love for picking favourites and denying it, they authorised him working at 15; allowing him to have much more control over his life, despite not liking the thought of me working even though i was now 18. they seemed to think that i would end up the same way kai did if i started working- which doesn't make any sense- so i was the sucker who they chose to claim, taking advantage of my sensitivity thinking that it would be easier that way.

i never understood their logic though. he was by far the favourite and we all knew it. i've always wondered why they kept such close tabs on me when they both clearly loved him more, especially our mum. he was a massive mama's boy, it was so clear that he was. that's why when the news came out, it hit her the hardest.

lily and i walked down my stairs in an orderly fashion, her leading the way like it was her own house, and in a way, it was. it was her home as much as it was mine. i spared a glance towards the woman who was once so full of light and happiness, not receiving one back. she hasn't been able to look me in the eye since. it's like i'm a constant reminder to her and she hates me for it.

my deep brown eyes found my dads slightly lighter ones and i noticed that they're full of sympathy and warmth as he opened his arms to me, whispering a small 'happy birthday' wish to me which caused me to smile. we both prayed that she didn't hear it.

"we're leaving now mr and mrs parker!" lily stated from the porch, seeming to have left part way through our sentimental moment, probably not wanting to intrude. with the same tone and volume my dad called out; "please, call us josh and rosa for the love of god, it's been 18 years!"

deep laughter was heard from the kitchen and from the porch as i stood in the hallway, eyes closed, listening to the encounter between my two favourite people before joining lily and slipping out of the house.