Reckless

Instinct

Chapter 2

A stray tear ran down her face along with the small water droplets coming from the sky. She wasn't crying because she was sad—no, that was weak. She was breaking at the seams because she was so angry with the entire situation she'd put herself in. "I don't know what you want me to say, Finn!" She said while shaking her head at a moderate pace.
Finn's hands were in his hair while he tried to form some type of sentence to express how he felt. His eyes told her that he was angry. His shaking fingers and quick brushing movements in his black hair told her he was aggravated—even considering violence. His lips parted and closed informed her that he wanted to say something.
And her—well, her everything told him that she wasn't sorry.
"I want you to say you were drunk or high or something!" Finn yelled, "I want you to tell me that what I just saw was a momentary lapse in judgment and you will regret it for the rest of your life."
She opened her mouth but there were no words. It was written across her delicately flushed skin, hidden behind the angry tears in her eyes, tucked away somewhere in her heart. She waited for him to say something else but they could only look at each other with equally knowing expressions.
How do you regret god given solace? It's like regretting to breathe when you're suffocating. She couldn't diminish the moments leading up to this confrontation with Finn no more than she could stop the impending storm or the Ark from running out of air. She couldn't forget his calloused hands, she couldn't destroy the memory of his lips, and she couldn't fight her emotions every single day to make Finn happy... and it wasn't just because she couldn't but because she wouldn't.
The droplets propelling from the sky brought her thoughts circling back to reality. The moment the water sprinkled down her hair and rested easily on her eyelids was the moment she regained the ability to speak. She said two words, "I can't."
Finn looked at her, "I don't understand why you can't!" He clapped his hands together in a pleading symbol and moved forward causing her to step back. "Explain it to me, Clarke—please, explain it to me. What do you see in that animal?"
"I see flawed greatness and mistakes all of which aren't clouded by lies. I see an adult who can, at times, be wholly selfish but trust me when I say that I see someone that is wholly worthy of my time. I see someone that deserves it." She paused, choking back the words she so desperately wanted to say.
Finn knew where her speech was going, "Unlike me." His hands grabbed her shoulders, shaking her slightly. "That's what you were going to say, right? Unlike me! Well, guess what Clarke Griffin? You love me and I'm going to prove that you love me."
Clarke tried to escape his strong grip with repeated rough movements until her thoughts focused on a clear comeback. "I could have loved you. There was definitely a spark but like most sparks, you faded. Your glory died and it will never resurface. I could have loved you but I know someone that will always love you...even if they shouldn't."
"That's your move—bringing Raven into this?" He shook her head again, "She has nothing to do with us."
"But she does, Finn. She gave you her heart and you're sneaking around her back trying to get something you can't have." She jerked away from him after his grip lessened. "You will never be able to have me. What happened, happened. We have nothing and we never will."
"What are you going to do, Clarke, walk away? You can't walk away. It's not in you." He was daring her, he never realized that she didn't have a problem accepting his dare. She'd tasted recklessness, and even if pissing off the best tracker in the camp was reckless—she was risking it. She was always searching for small victories... but this wasn't a small victory, this was a big victory on her part. She could walk away from him, now without feeling sorry about.
She sighed, throwing a hand up in the air as a symbol for the end of their conversation. "That's exactly what I'm doing." Her feet navigated towards Bellamy's tent, leaving Finn in an even worse mood than her rejection. She opened the flap, slipped in and kicked off her shoes before climbing back in bed with him.
"I didn't think you'd be back." He said sleepily, "But I'm glad you are." His arms wrapped around the high regions of her back, pulling her closer to him. Their noses touched but their eyes remained closed. The only sound besides their low voices was the easy breathing coming from both of their mouths. "You okay?" He asked hesitantly.
"Yeah." She didn't feel like walking him through her conversation because there were things that she said that she wasn't ready for him to hear...
"That's very believable."
Her cold hand rubbed across his face, "It's raining outside."
"I can tell by the way your hair feels." He told her, "How bad do you think it's going to be?"
"I'm not sure yet." She respired, "It means that I'll probably have to camp out in the drop ship until it passes."
Bellamy shifted, "You could stay here."
"And if someone is hurt?" She countered.
She opened her eyes to look at him, "I'm sure the camp will stay away from the rain. They might act like children but they should know better." Bellamy placed a kiss on her jaw before he opened her eyes, "I want you to stay with me."
She didn't know what else to say besides, "Okay." His lips touched hers lightly before they closed their eyes again. This time, sleep took over every sense they had left. Their snoring filling his tent like all the unspoken words they'd accumulated over their course on earth.
It was odd, really, how sleep was coming so easily now when it used to be a battle with her.

XXX

The soft pitter-patter of rain caused Clarke to yawn. She looked over to her right to find Bellamy's back turned away from her. She didn't take it as a sign that he hated her and wanted her out of his tent. He made it clear that he, in fact, wanted her to stay. She sighed and went to put her shoes on. She was quiet while she prepared for another day. As much as she wanted to waste her entire day in Bellamy's tent—she also had a job to do...even if she only planned to put in a few hours before running back to her sweet escape. Clarke stood up, stretching her hands up to touch the top of his tent structure as she yawned. "You wake up too early." Bellamy complained as she reached the exit.
She turned around, "You only say that because you like to sleep." A little smile played across her lips while she resisted the urge to plant multiple kisses across his exposed skin. Bellamy was a seemingly charming creature in the morning. His muscles were relaxed, his jaw not so clenched- he looked normal and slightly peaceful.
"Let them come look for you..." Bellamy said, "Don't leave yet."
"And if I stay...what are you proposing?" He smirked at her words—he knew he had her in his little trap. She wanted it and by the way she bit her lip, he knew she absolutely craved it. If he were an open book- if his face displayed every emotion he had going through his head, she would see that he felt the same way. They stared at each other intensely- trying to see who would make the first move.
They didn't have to because Octavia ran into Bellamy's tent, "It's raining!" She said and then furrowed her eyebrows at Clarke. "Why are you here?" Bellamy and Clarke opened their mouths to explain, but Octavia was quick. "Oh."
"Don't say oh like that." Bellamy said. "It's not an oh situation."
"Isn't it?" Clarke asked- now confused about oh situations. This was exactly an oh situation if oh meant they were sleeping together. Bellamy said it himself- this was just sex. They both said it and they both meant it, right? Bellamy looked at her with uncertainty at his previous response. Shit, Clarke thought, Why the fuck is this so hard? Why the fuck is he making this so hard? "I was just about to leave." She told Octavia before stepping out of tent and walking over to the drop ship.
Octavia looked at Bellamy with crossed arms, "Smooth."
"Shut up."
"No, really smooth Bellamy. What are you doing with Clarke?" Octavia demanded to know, "She's not the average idiot walking around here. She's important. You can't have a one-night stand with someone that's vital to our survival."
"It's not a one-night kind of thing Octavia."
"Well, I think it is now." Octavia snorted, "She was already dressed and everything. She was clearly displeased. Admit you fucked up."
"I didn't fuck up." Bellamy nearly growled, "And it's not a one-night thing because this isn't the first night."
Octavia's face changed completely, "What?"
Bellamy couldn't help but be slightly smug, "Clarke and I have an arrangement."
"Relationship?" Octavia asked. "This is so unreal. You two hate each other."
"Ever heard the saying about thin lines?" Bellamy started to get up, "That sort of wraps this whole thing up with a tight bow. Finn walked in last night like a moron so don't think you're the first to know."
"Finn knows?"
Bellamy nodded.
"He probably hates you." Octavia looked completely satisfied with the entirety of his words. She said that this relationship wasn't believable but it truly was when one evaluated the situation. Her brother wore the face of a different person and she wondered if it was the real Bellamy Blake. Did he normally sport a smile at the mention of Clarke Griffin but conceal it behind his invisible crown and king-of-the-camp mask? "Fucking with his girl and all."
"She is not his girl." Bellamy said, letting his angry surface.
Octavia put her hands up in defense, "Okay. So what does that make her then? Your girl." Bellamy titled his head to the side and thought about it. He thought about how she said "I'm yours" before... "What are you thinking about?"
"She's mine." Bellamy said letting a small laugh escape his lips, "How unbelievable is that?"
"And she thinks it's just sex?" Octavia giggled, "You're going to have to make a move before it's too late."
Bellamy was ready to face the world, "Who says that isn't the plan?"
In all actuality- there was no plan. There was instinct.