Reckless

Relationships

Chapter 6

Clarke clearly hadn't learned her lesson the first time she snuck out the gate with Octavia. This was different, though. Their obnoxious laughter filled the forest as they made their way to the grounder village. Octavia slurred something along the lines of "First grounder party! Wooooohoooo!" Clarke only laughed louder.
She felt like a teenager sneaking away from her parent's supervision. Octavia was already extremely drunk. Clarke wasn't even drunk—she didn't see the point in wasting medical supplies on pleasure. She wished she was drunk. Still, she felt like she was drunk off the pureness of her happiness high. She liked the way Octavia laughed and how she skipped and looked for magic in a cruel world. Clarke let herself fake enjoyment until it was actual enjoyment. She was probably laughing too loud, smiling too wide, acting out of character...but did it really matter? She needed this moment because it would mean something when war was raining down on her people.
The darkness of the night, the way the trees blew in the wind- she would remember that sound. The way Octavia's brown hair flew in that wind- the way her eyes looked up at those trees- she would remember the sight. How they laughed, how they grinned at one another—god, she would remember that way.
Octavia danced around her at the ditch entrance before calling out in utter drunkenness, "Lover boy!" Lincoln appeared with a slight frown on his face.
"You didn't tell me you were bringing Clarke." He said, "You aren't drunk are you?" His question was directed towards Clarke.
"No." Octavia shook her head, "She refuses to drink because she says it's wasteful. Real buzz kill, Barbie."
Lincoln nodded, "Come on in..." His mood seemed to shift at Octavia's statement. Clarke took in the scene of dancing people in animal skins around a fire and thought of all the beautiful movies she'd seen based off of Native Americans.
She wouldn't forget that either.

XXX

Lincoln carried Octavia on his back, her grip around his neck almost strangling him. In his arms, he had a passed out Clarke. She'd been talking in her sleep but Lincoln knew not to wake her up. Too often, he'd been acquainted with night terrors.
Bellamy's long strides from across the camp caused Lincoln to stop in his steps. He heard Octavia groan, "Why are you stopping? We are not in my tent!" Octavia jumped down off of her boyfriend and whipped around to be met with her brother's angry glare. "Damn."
"Damn's right, O." Bellamy said, his hands on his hips as he tried to control himself. He wanted to punch Lincoln in the face and lock Octavia up in her tent for multiple days until she came to her senses. Then, he looked at Clarke. She was actually sleeping. Octavia looked at him with crossed arms like she'd just won a battle.
"Clarkeeeee-" She sung, "Wakey wakey party girl." She shook Clarke awake. Clarke nearly jumped out of Lincoln's arms. He lowered her feet to the ground and Clarke put her hand to her forehead. She felt like she was going to throw up again. She contained herself and looked at Bellamy. His face was stuck between concerned and irritated.
"Bellamy, don't." Clarke said with a wave of her hand. "You don't need to freak out because we went to a little party."
"I have never seen so much ass in my life." Octavia said to antagonize Bellamy. None of it was true but she followed up with, "Nudist parties are amazing."
Clarke shot her a dirty look, "We were with Lincoln the entire night. I have a duty to go to these events to solidify our relationship. You said you didn't want to go. I wasn't going to go alone." Clarke was trying to alter the story because Clarke hadn't wanted to go either. Octavia nearly drug her from the camp during the first four minutes of their walk. It was Octavia's idea to really go. But, she wasn't going to have Bellamy going to extremes to lock O away.
Lincoln shook his head though, "That's not correct."
"Shut up." Octavia nudged him with her elbow, "Right now."
Bellamy threw his hands up in the air and walked away from the group. "I can't talk about this right now." Clarke knew she would hear an earful of it later once they were alone. He would go over the key points of protection, threats, Octavia, and how much he worried when she was gone.
Octavia looked at Lincoln, "When she lies- go with it."
"It's not respectful." Lincoln said before placing a kiss on Octavia's forehead. Clarke started to walk to Bellamy's tent. She wanted to sleep for days. Her face collided with the panther blanket the second she was in a proximity to slam herself into the bed. She told herself she was never going to another late night grounder retreat. She knew that was also a lie.

XXX

Clarke didn't know when Octavia climbed in the bed with her, but she woke up with her brown hair almost in her mouth. Clarke stretched her leg awkwardly into the air because she could and smiled as she recalled all the tribal dancing she'd done the night before. "Stop moving." Octavia said, "I'm trying to sleep."
"Don't you have your own bed?"
"Don't you?" Octavia countered. She rolled over so she was on her stomach and looked at Clarke. "Last night was fun."
Clarke giggled, "You can remember last night?"
"Barely." Octavia said, "I remember you letting your hair down though. That was refreshing."
"I let my hair down all the time."
"Yeah, in this tent with my brother. Not in public." Octavia said, "I think in another situation you would be the funniest person at the party."
"I think I'd be a lot of things in another situation." Clarke said, "Do you ever think about how your life would be if there hadn't been atomic bombs? Statistically, we wouldn't know each other at all. But if we did, would we even like each other?"
"I think you'd be my best friend." Octavia said, "...sleeping with my brother. I would probably hate you for that." She shrugged, "But you're my best friend because I trust you here. You've proven yourself... plus, you are in a relationship with my jackass brother so there must be something about you that can relate to me because I've had to deal with him my entire life."
"That means a lot, O." Clarke smiled before turning over and putting her feet on the ground. "We have to get back to reality, though. I feel like I've been slacking on my duties for weeks as well as our friends. I can't remember the last time I had a meaningful conversation with anyone besides you and Raven." Octavia nodded in agreement. "I guess Bellamy can be included in that but every time we talk it turns into sex..."
"Stop." Octavia pleaded, "I don't want to know...that being said, maybe you two should try not to jump each other's bones every time you say hi."

XXX

Octavia made sense—eventually, the "sex well" would have to run out. They couldn't have sex every single night or any time of day because of their heated passion. Clarke didn't want a pure physical relationship...if she had, she would have stayed with their original agreement. She knew that Bellamy cared deeply about her...he would protect her against anything. He would never let her go hungry- in fact, he practically shoved food down her throat... and he would never let her go without other necessary things she needed. But, Clarke craved the love she knew that Bellamy could give her if he turned himself fully to her.
She couldn't help but think that Bellamy, as much as he cared, held back bits and pieces of himself in case things went bad. But how could she blame him? Wasn't she doing the same damn thing? It was easy to let them touch each other... it was easy from them to scratch the surface of one another's hearts but Clarke didn't even know if they could truly love each other with everything they had.
She didn't even know the strength of everything she had.