Reckless

Sickness

Chapter 15

Clarke walked into Octavia's room with a smile but immediately had to turn on her heels. "Oh my god..." She panted, her hand over her mouth as she struggled to hold down the bile building up in her throat. "Oh my god!" She repeated as another wave of the horrible scent hit her.
She was absolutely exhausted as she wobbled through the hallways leading to Octavia's tiny room. She was thinking about the soft pillows against her head and the sheets tangling around her ankles as she enjoyed an afternoon nap. Every step she took was uneven as she felt her dwindling energy from a 24 hour shift Bellamy didn't know about—why? Because the jackass got to leave camp, that's why and her mother was going to show mercy on her pregnant daughter. She was going to "do her part" and Clarke was too stubborn to argue or put herself above the multiple people that needed help. It was now obvious to everyone that Clarke was pregnant—the bump, her baby, had grown quickly despite her attempts to keep off the weight.
She felt like a sea lion, only knowing that her weight would continue to increase as she morphed into some type of elephant. Bellamy had been gone for the better part of four days and she was starting to feel uncomfortable in her own skin as she walked alone. It also felt weird because Miller was breathing down her neck about safety even though he was the one constantly coming into the medical area with a deep cut or a head wound. She imagined the speech was directly from Bellamy, meant to be rehearsed every morning as she ate her breakfast and every night before she locked the door to Octavia's room in his face.
Clarke opened the bedroom door, hit with a smell that almost caused her to immediately vomit. "What in hell?" She yelled at Octavia as the brunette waved off smoke. "Are you burning sage in your room?" Clarke coughed heavily, moving out of the doorway.
Octavia frowned, "I'm warding off bad juju, Clarke. It's for the baby."
She narrowed her eyes at Octavia, "I'm going to my room."
Her room was untouched for the most part—she hadn't slept in her own bed since telling Bellamy they weren't having sex anymore. "You look like shit, Clarke. Where have you been? It's what, 8 AM and you're just walking in through the door. I thought you were already in your room."
Clarke sighed, "Just tell me if your brother decides he wants to come back." She shut the door, watching the smoke fade away from the hallway as she walked. She was too tired to think of Octavia's antics but she would revisit the subject much later. Her main issue was the fact that Octavia lived so far away from them. She would bring it up when she found Lincoln—it seemed wise to have a tall grounder behind her when she requested a bigger space.
She'd been thinking about her plan every night and maybe she was delirious but she was leaning towards staying in Camp Jaha until after the baby was born. She trusted Bellamy with her life but she didn't exactly want him delivering their child. She wanted a doctor to do it. Although, if for some reason a doctor wasn't around she would settle for him. Octavia only seemed to have minor brain damage—how bad could it be? After she had the baby, they could take off into the sunset. That is, as long as the 47 were on her heels as they ran.
Her plan to free the 47 seemed to cross more and more lines she disagreed with every single day. They would need explosives to break into the mountain and they were going to have to kill innocent people. Causality of war or not—it sucked. The grounders were trained warriors and they would be doing most of the killing, sure, but guns also factored into the equation. As much as she wanted all of the 47 to return home with her, she knew that they might lose some people in the process.
She closed her eyes as she walked, almost running into her overprotective bodyguard. "Clarke...I thought you were with Octavia? What are you doing walking around at this hour? Sleep until 10:30 remember?" Miller told her, "You just throw up or something?"
"Yeah." Clarke nodded her head, faking feebleness. She knew that Miller did not do throw up. "I think I'm going to again. I'm going to go now..."
Miller hesitated, trying to figure out how loyal he actually was to Bellamy. Hell, he hadn't seen him in days and he didn't really expect him to watch Clarke all the time did he? Miller wasn't always breathing down her neck—he gave her space last night when she told him to go to sleep around midnight. He listened to her. "Yeah, you do that." He said, "I'll check on you later I guess."
No you won't.
She wanted to cry at the sight of her mattress when she entered her bedroom. It was so welcoming and amazing. She face planted into it and pulled pillows to fit around her stomach like a comforting human being. She'd made Octavia play with her hair until she went to sleep for the last four nights because she wasn't used to sleeping without Bellamy even though she was used to not sleeping with Bellamy.
It only took her moments to fall to sleep, her soft snoring overtaking the room. She hugged the pillows closer to her as she dreamt and didn't wake up until someone loudly knocked on the room door. She groaned, checking her watch to see that it was just after 11:40 AM. Why couldn't they just let her sleep? She pushed herself of the bed, feeling a wave of dizziness as she pulled an Octavia and nearly ran into the door. Her eyes squinted at the light radiating throughout the hallway as she opened the door, "You're needed." Jackson explained, following up with "I'm sorry, Clarke. I know you need your rest but I'm just following orders."
Clarke nodded, running a hand down her face as she wiped away drool. "I'll be there in five." Her groggy voice gave away how truly tired she was. She stumbled back to pull on her shoes, only to realize she was already wearing them. She hadn't taken anything off in the process of getting ready for bed. She looked into the small mirror by their bed and frowned at herself. "God." She said, disgusted. "I look horrible."
She started walking across camp, her hands working to put her hair into a messy bun. Her mother looked at her and said flatly, "Nice for you to join us."
"I'm sorry." Clarke apologized, "I'm just tired. It's difficult—"
"You should have thought about that before you got pregnant, Clarke." Abby said, "As I've said before, I baby isn't reasonable in these conditions." If she didn't need the support of the Ark to free her friends, she would have punched Abby in the face. And here she thought things were going so well...they barely spoke, sure but it's not like they were getting lost in conversation on the Ark. She thought they'd reached some sort of agreement after their conversation but it seemed that she was under the wrong assumption.
Clarke swallowed and threw herself into what needed to be done without another words being exchanged between her and her mother.