Reckless

Risks

Chapter 12

The noise that she'd grown used to suddenly stopped, causing her to roll over in her sleep. Her eyes shot open in the dark, empty room. Her breathing picked up as she started to panic. Her mind was telling her that she was in the white room again. Something is wrong...something is wrong... she continued to think as she looked for some type of light. If she were in the white room, why couldn't she hear the baby's heartbeat? She told herself that the baby's heartbeat was 150 beats per minute but she couldn't hear it...she couldn't hear her...
And then she breathed as she realized she wasn't in Mount Weather anymore. She tossed off the sheets and hurriedly grabbed her clothes. Where the fuck is Bellamy? She thought as she slid on her boots and buttoned her pants. She wasn't close to showing but she could feel the snugness around her stomach. What the hell was she going to do about clothes? It wasn't like they had maternity clothes...maybe if she exercised and kept off excess weight apart from the baby...
She read somewhere that exercise was healthy during pregnancy. Even so, she could always ask the grounder women for clothes. She enjoyed their long, loose dresses—those would be perfect. She'd really look like a princess then. A dark cloud settled over her thoughts as she remembered the Ark's rejection towards the grounders. They would need the grounders to rescue her people... She had to express that as soon as possible.
Clarke caught her reflection off of the broken glass for the crash. She buttoned up one of the buttons she usually kept open, frowning because it wasn't working for her. It stretched in an unflattering way so she unbuttoned it and decided to zip up her jacket instead. "I look awful." She said under her breath as she walked down the corridor, feeling sick to her stomach. She felt off. She passed by people she thought she remembered but she couldn't place their names. She would feel guilty about that when her people were returned safely.
No, actually, she probably would never feel guilty about not knowing the names of people who wanted to sentence innocent people to death. She felt it...just like Miller said. The realization that everyone was an enemy. Her trust could only extend to specific limits and those limits were as far as she could outstretch her arms. The time for family reunions were long off into the distance—her conversation with Abby hadn't changed her stony adamancy when it came to her alliance with the grounders. She wasn't going to lay her armor down and give up her feet for anyone...
She would protect her child but she refused to raise her child in a world of ignorant bliss. She could not pretend the past hadn't happened—she could not forgive and forget. The line was drawn and there was no going back. She would unite with the grounders, she would free her people, and she would get the hell out of the community she felt like a prisoner in. She knew the only reason she hadn't been arrested was because of who her mother was—not because of who she was. If she were only the girl who threatened to commit treason, she would have been in the make-shift jail already. The system was already corrupt.
It was odd how her hand ached for the cold metal of a gun and how they longed for the blade of a knife. She felt her nails digging into her palm as she stepped into the harsh sunlight. She blinked to adjust her eyes before she continued to walk. She scanned the area for a familiar—no, she didn't give a damn about familiar—she was scanning for a trustworthy face.
Raven.
Clarke walked over to her, a thin-lipped smile on her face. Raven merely nodded in response, "You don't look too well." She commented as Clarke stepped in front of her, letting out a heavy sigh.
"Then I look how I feel." Clarke said, "Have you seen my boyfriend?"
"You know, boyfriend is kind of a degrading term for what you have with him."
"Baby daddy?" Clarke suggested with a snort. "I'm not going to go around asking people where my baby daddy is. How is Miller?"
"Decent." Raven said, "How is baby Octavia?"
"Apparently I'm not allowed to name the baby Octavia." Clarke rolled her eyes, "I think I'm about to throw up." Her voice was completely calm as she started to breathe in and out. Raven started to rub her back soothingly but Clarke shook off her hand. "I'm fine." She snapped before walking away to get sick in private. She wasn't going to make a scene. She practically jogged to the designated restroom area. She locked herself in the bathroom and let herself go. "I hate being pregnant." She told herself, "I'm going to get fat and this throwing up thing is not cool."
She dabbed the tears that formed under her eyes before standing up and walking out of the bathroom. Suddenly, she didn't have any motivation at all. She wanted to sleep. And she wanted to stop smelling everything...the particles were sticking in her nose and it was awful. These people smelt awful, she smelt awful. She missed Monty more than ever as she walked around the camp—he could fix the stench with his brilliant mind.
Clarke crossed her arms defensively when her mother crossed the camp to talk to her. "We need you to reach out to the grounders. I understand you are friendly with them." Clarke yawned as her mother was talking about the importance of being friendly and diplomatic until the kids were back and safe with their parents. She stopped mid-sentence, "I'm sorry, Clarke, am I boring you?"
"I can get supplies together and meet with them by tonight." Clarke said and Abby frowned.
"We can send solider. You're not going."
"But I am." Clarke argued, "How am I supposed to reach out to them if I am not there? They aren't going to trust your soldiers! They're going to trust the person with the mark."
"The mark?" Clarke pulled up the hem of her shirt to reveal her tattoo. "What did they do to you?" Her mother sounded like they tortured her. Clarke snickered and rolled her eyes. Her mother's pale face brought humor to her life. It was in the process of rolling her eyes that she saw Bellamy walking around the camp aimlessly.
"We'll argue about this later." She smiled in his direction, blowing off her mother as she walked away from her. Eventually, she caught up with him because he was walking fairly fast. "I hope you're looking for me." She called, earning a small chuckle from him before he turned around.
"If I tell you I was looking for Miller instead, what would that get me?" He leaned down to kiss her but she covered her mouth with her hand.
"You don't want to kiss me until I've used acid as mouthwash." She informed him, "I was acquainted with morning sickness this morning. I should probably apologize to Raven for being a bitch, actually. But I also want to take a nap. Would that be selfish of me after my mother asked me to reach out to the grounders? Of course she doesn't want me to go anywhere but duh, I'm going to have to."
He frowned, "You aren't going anywhere, princess."
"The hell I'm not, Bellamy! They're our friends...its fine."
"And I suppose you're in the state to defend yourself against animals and whatever the forest brings you? Hell. No. Clarke, I'm not letting you walk out of this gate." He shook his head, "You're not going, end of discussion."
She opened her mouth and blinked at him, "You don't tell me what to do."
"As long as you're carrying our child—"
"No!" She yelled, "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm not capable. I'm going. That's the end of discussion. I broke out of a mountain, I can handle some friendly conversation." He grabbed her wrist when she attempted to shove pass him. "Let me go."
"You aren't thinking logically, princess. You aren't going to take unnecessary risk. I can talk to the grounders." He said, "They know me, too, remember? You aren't the only one capable of doing this."
"You know how important this is to me!"
"I know how important you are to me." Bellamy argued, "I almost you once, Clarke. It's not happening again. I don't know what's out there or if they're looking for you. So, no...you aren't going and if I have to look you in our room with Miller outside, I will." The intensity in his dark eyes told her that he was being absolutely serious and had no intention of backing down. She was not permitted to leave camp—not as long as she was under his watch. The look in his eyes also told her that he knew her. He knew that her mind was already turning around thoughts of an escape. She was already making a list of her allies and questioning if Miller would be more loyal to her or more loyal to Bellamy if it came down to make the choice.
She moved by him angrily, "This is bullshit." She informed him, "I'm not broken because I'm pregnant. I can still do things."
"Nope." Bellamy told her, "You aren't doing anything that could interfere with your strength."
"Well I guess we aren't having sex, then."
"That's not what I meant—"
"Oh, honey I'm pregnant and I should really conserve my energy. Go fuck yourself."