The Good and The Bad ~ Percabeth

thirty six

[unedited]

p.j.

I wake up in the morning on Becki's couch using a few empty Corona bottles as a blanket. I groan, checking my phone. It's almost eleven in the morning. I have no idea where Mr. Eriksen is, but I don't want to find out. A few people are laying on the floor and on couches, so I clean up what I can before I sneak out.

"Hey."

I look up the stairs. Becki is standing there in a pair of grey sweatpants and a green hoodie. Her face is washed and her hair is wet. She looks sick, but she looks better. "Good morning."

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"What's up?"

"Can you come upstairs?" She asks, eyes scanning the room. 

"I'm not sure if..."

"Jesus, Percy, I'm not going to assault you. Annabeth isn't here so she's not going to yell at you or whatever. I just want to talk."

I follow her up the stairs, combing my hands through my hair. I probably smell like what comes out of Blackjack's back end. I follow Becki to her room and lean against the door frame. She sits down at the foot of her bed. 

"Percy, I'm so sorry," she says, looking up at me. Her eyes are foggy. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I don't know how to deal with girls when they cry. "I put you in the worst position in the world last night. I wasn't responsive, but I heard everything that happened. I shouldn't have done what I did."

"No, Beck, it's fine," I say, fidgeting. "Annabeth was being unreasonable. You don't have to feel bad."

"No," she shakes her head. "She was right. Annabeth hit the nail on the fucking head, Percy, and I didn't even know it until she said it. I have no one, and I want someone to go to. I know it's crazy to think, but some part of me thought that maybe, if she wasn't part of the picture, it could be me and you. I didn't want to be the one to break you up, but I thought there were things I could do to speed up the process."

I feel like the world is spinning. "Becki, how could you ever..."

"Let me finish," she says. "But last night, listening to the two of you... you were both so mad, Percy, and you sucked at communicating why. I don't know your back story, but you two are something much more than just a couple kids who met at summer camp. I don't know if there are some gods at work here or something but you two love each other so much. There's such an important connection that you two have and I should never have tried to sever it. It should never be severed, Percy, and I know that now. I'm ashamed that I didn't see it right away, but if we can ever be friends, it's something you need to know. I think I confused my feelings for you with this vile need to be with you, but really, I'm just so fucking happy I met you. I feel like I'm allowed to be me around you. I want to keep hanging out, but there's no way that could ever happen if I didn't come totally clean. I'm sorry about last night. Nothing like that will ever happen again. I promise."

She says so many words. My ADHD is making me bounce of the walls right now, but I'm trying to focus. I can't believe how mature she's being. Five seconds ago, I was ready to march out of here because I was livid at how she was trying to ruin my forever. Now, I'm so thankful I stayed. "Becki, I'm not mad. It takes a lot to be honest like that."

I walk over and sit down beside her. "But there's something else," she says, studying me.

"Annabeth and I might have fucked things up pretty bad, you know," I say. I feel like I'm speaking it into existence. "I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm always the bad guy, it feels like, and I know she feels like that too. How are we supposed to figure this out?"

"You two are on some different level emotionally," she says. She puts both of her hands on either of our heads and shakes. "It's like, crazy brain connectivity, you know? But seriously, even though your brains are conjoined, you suck at talking. Have you thought about having a real conversation about it? Everything out on the table? I think the two of you could really figure it out."

I don't know if I should be offended or thankful. It's true. She's right. We don't have good talks about, you know, us. The emotional stuff. It's always been easy, so we've never had to talk about it. "Aren't you going to try and stop me?"

"No, Percy," she says, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and resting her chin on the blade. "I'm not. I know I'm a bitch, but I'm working on it. I don't always need to put myself first, especially when it's hurting others. That being said, this time, genuinely putting me first means keeping my best friend with the girl he's meant to be with. We both know that's not me."

We sit in silence for a while. I squeeze her knee. "You know, Becki, I don't think you are a bitch. I think you're soft."

"Now you're just insulting me," she teases. 

"Seriously. Thank you." I kiss the side of her head. "You're a pretty great girl. And if you want to talk about what happened to you last night..."

"No," she answers abruptly. "I'm not going to talk about it."

"Becki, you have to..."

"You need to let me finish." She stands. "I'm not going to talk about it to you. I wanted to find you yesterday because, well, we've been over this. But you're not the person I should talk to about it.  You can't empathize the way a girl could, and you can't do as much about it as a counsellor."

"You're... going to talk to a counsellor?" 

She nods. "I'm always sharing those instagram stories about feminism and Me Too and speaking up and all that. It would be hypocritical of me not to do something."

"As long as you're doing it for yourself," I say. "I'm going to head home."

"As you should," she says. We walk to the door together. "Thanks for being so understanding. I'm really happy I met you."

"Me too, Becks." I give her a quick hug before waltzing back to my apartment, ready to tell my beautiful girlfriend that I'm sorry and that I forgive her.

- - - - - - - - - -

Ah yes... so fun. What's up next?

Thank the gods for everything in your life that brings you happiness.

Love, tumblingupwards