Though L loved the thought of Julian, she couldn't help but think they weren't right for each other. The way he was torn about her and Marcus, she knew his self-deprecation led to his trust issues. And, how he got so angry about the reason she initially asked him to go with her to the party — she was sure they didn't truly belong together. He was right about not fitting in with how shallow everyone was. It wouldn't have been right to continue leading him on in a life that was fueled by looks and money.
But, he never even made a move anyway. Reflecting on their night together, she realized she was mostly the one initiating any sort of intimacy with him whether it be something as simple as holding his hand or ultimately giving into her uncontrollable emotions and kissing him. She considered that maybe he was too shy to overstep her boundaries, but the thought that he just really wasn't that into her crossed her mind as well. He was kind enough to spend the night with her but couldn't have been interested enough to see her again. She knew he saw her as someone who was lost and looking for an escape from her life, if only for a night, and he was gentle enough to grant that for her.
When she awoke to Julian sleeping serenely with a smile tugging at his lips, she wished so much for it to be something she'd see every morning. But, she had fallen for someone who was just too far out of her lifestyle. She couldn't bring herself to tell him goodbye. She was scared that, as soon as he showed any sort of fondness again towards her, she'd melt all over again. She didn't want to make it harder for her to go back to her sleazy life, so, instead, she slid out of bed and got dressed to hail a cab just as she always did with any other guy.
L remembered exactly where Julian worked and lived, but she didn't dare show up in fear that he was bitter at her departure. Or worse — didn't even remember who she was, or care much for her. She didn't want to get hurt with the realization that their time together was truly once in a lifetime for her while it was just another drunken night for Julian. She was terrified that he meant more to her than she did him, so leaving it as is was more comforting for her.
She'd taken advantage of some lonely misfit, and he'd taken advantage of some snobby rich girl; that's what she convinced herself, and she was sticking to it.
The two continued on, both daydreaming of each other and hoping their lives would cross paths again. It had to have been nearly two years after their night together, and neither one of them could stop thinking about it. Julian stopped going to bars, knowing full well that L would have never been there. No girl could have compared to her, so he didn't even bother. He still clung onto the hope that she'd walk into that slummy convenience store, and he'd have another chance with her.
He imagined her coming in to tell him that she couldn't stop thinking about him, too, and the only reason it'd taken so long was because she was just busy with work. He would do double-takes whenever a brunette walked into the store, his heart speeding with the thought of seeing her again. Every time there was a knock on the door, he pictured her figure standing there, eyes gazing up at him, sorry that she left. He'd forgive her in a heartbeat, and he'd tell her he never wanted her to leave him again.
L continued going to the lousy business parties, laughing along with Jen and Erica every time they brought up Jules and his ripped sleeves. They'd tease her that his leather jacket did look good on her, and she'd force a chuckle and tell them to shut up. Every time she was in bed with some rich businessman, she imagined it to be Julian, but the passion Julian had shown her the night they were together remained unmatched.
But, L was sure that Julian had forgotten about her. Seeing his lifestyle involved drinking and going to bars, she knew she was just one of the random girls he'd brought home. There was no way he even remembered her.
Another weekend, and she'd found she was booked at a hotel on Julian's side of town again. Just for old time's sake, she thought she'd stop by his convenience store before the party, her heart rushing with the thought of his eyes meeting hers again. Even if he didn't remember her, she just longed to see him again and make sure that he was doing okay.
Though slightly disappointed, she was partly relieved that Julian wasn't there.
"Does Jules still work here?" she asked the young cashier. The boy told her that Julian was off for the night. She smiled and nodded, thanking the cashier as she paid for the beer and pack of smokes.
"What was your name?" he asked inquisitively.
"L," she replied, hoping he wouldn't tell Julian about her asking for him, "It's fine. I'll see him around." She didn't want to seem as though she was desperate to see him; she was simply inquiring about a familiar face.
As soon as L left the store, the young cashier texted his coworker, who'd coincidently traded shifts with the musician to make up for the teen's sick day earlier that week. The boy explained some 'hottie' was asking about him.
Julian was sprawled out on his couch, his guitar laying across his abdomen and a half-drunken beer bottle in his left hand that dangled lazily off the side of the couch. He'd tried to write songs, but his miserable thoughts would always land back on L. He drank more heavily to drown out the memory of the night they shared, but it only made him the more miserable.
Everything about her was so perfect. No one ever looked at him the way she did. No one ever wanted to truly get to know him like she did. He'd never felt so important before. He'd never felt like he mattered as much as he did the night with L. It was an addicting feeling to him to actually have someone appreciate him for who he was. Her every touch still lingered on his skin. His thoughts travelled to the way she moaned his name in bed and how she pulled him closer to her as he hovered over her, not wanting their lips to part from each other's. He closed his eyes, remembering the first time their lips had met. It happened right there, on the couch where Julian drank himself into oblivion every night.
Julian's thoughts were interrupted by the buzz of his cellphone. Blinking profusely, Julian attempted to focus enough to read the message from his coworker. It was just a casual text, but Julian's breath was caught in his throat as he abruptly sat up, setting his guitar aside and shoving his beer onto the table, cursing to himself as the empty bottles fell like dominoes. He brushed it off and turned his undivided attention to the phone he was gripping nervously, reading it over again to make sure he understood what it said. With trembling hands, he asked if the girl's name was 'L.' It was the only person Julian had hoped to run into again. It seemed like a long shot to Julian, but he wondered if she couldn't stop thinking about him either.
His mind replayed the first time he laid eyes on her, through that shelf of cola cans, his fingers numb from the cold. But, it was like everything else disappeared when he saw her. He remembered when their eyes met across the register counter, and how that sparked an entire night that will forever play in his memories. She was the only thing he could see, and, now, she was the only thing that consumed his thoughts.
Yea. L.
Julian's mouth dropped at the text on his phone. With drunken double vision, he sloppily texted back that he'd be right there. Ignoring the immediate response that she was already gone, Julian grabbed his flat keys and disappeared out the front door, running down the streets towards his work.
"Where is she?" Julian demanded drunkenly, out-of-breath as he walked into the store, scanning over the aisles and not seeing a single soul other than the teen at the register. The young boy told him that he'd texted him she'd already left.
Julian closed his eyes and heaved a deep breath, attempting to not get angry at the terrible timing. He walked out the front door, his hurt eyes scanning the sidewalk, the familiar feeling of wondering if L was coming back. He cursed under his breath. He finally got the confirmation that she still thought about him, and he let her slip away again. It was no one's fault but Julian's. Maybe if he'd said something when they were together, something would have happened between them.
But he didn't.
And nothing happened.
