*Discontinued* Tortured Love

14

(TW~Suicidal thoughts, blood)

He's gone... Anti laid there eyes closed as he once again listened to the beeping of a heart monitor. He could feel his lungs being forced to fill and contract, the sound of air pushing through a tube. He wouldn't let then know he was awake. Or well... aware is more the correct term. Anti couldn't tell you if he was drugged up on sedatives again or if his body just felt like jelly on its own but he couldn't move even if he wanted to. 

He didn't want to. 

He felt himself drifting off to the steady rhythm, a lonely a sorrow-filled tear falling from his eyes. He didn't understand. He felt his heart lurch and palpitate as his throat began to burn. He didn't understand what he had done so badly. Sure he fucked up their trip. The machine beeped erratically only proving to him more that his heart wasn't wanting to work right. He fucked up the trip and broke his promise. He knew that. He knew but... Did Jamie really hate him that much?

Did he hate Anti so much that he would leave... forever?

No goodbye. No nothing. Did Anti hurt him that much that JJ couldn't even face him ever again? He could feel his body fighting him... fighting against the machines. His heart was skipping and beating at an impossible rate. His whole body was crashing on him. His ears were rushing and ringing. It was so hard to think. He could make out the sound of frantic footsteps past the blood rushing through his ears. He could hear them talking. Desperate to figure out what was wrong and what could help. Nothing could help.

He had lost his love for good.

Just like Jack said he would.

Maybe Jack was right? Maybe he should have said something? Even if Anti told him he would never have let JJ be with him. He knew Jamie to well. Jamie wasn't the kind that deserved someone like him. He was worth so much more than to get saddled with a mess like him. But maybe... Maybe had he told him... he would've understood... and maybe he wouldn't have left them all. 

They were all dealing with this. Many times Anti could have sworn to hearing someone crying in the room. He couldn't tell you who. He always knew when Robbie was around. That man held the scent of rot and decay. Anti always knew when he was near. The same with Jackie... No matter what Jackie always seem to make the room warmer. As if he was trying to keep the demon from freeze up. He wasn't a snake... or a turtle, contrary to what the fans say... Even still he could deny the warmth felt better than the ever-constant stabbing chill that encased him like an icy blanket.

He really didn't know what to think. His mind kept telling him to ignore it all. The tears are for Jamie and the empty spot he left. The attention if for Jack, as NO ONE actually cares for Anti. They just can't exactly let him die. Jack wants him so they had to help him. That's all Anti could see out of all of it. No one actually cared. They just didn't have a choice. The only one who might have is Robbie... his heart however still was still far to kind and bright to ever truly hate anyone. Even him...

The problem wasn't that Anti thought they all didn't care. No... It was that Anti himself didn't care. The man he loved had left and it had to be his fault. Right?

Anti had fucked up. He must have done something. He hurt and upset JJ so much he ran away. That's all there was to it. The man he loved left... He didn't want them to try so hard. The realization caused him to jolt as his heart felt like it was being squeezed. He didn't want them to try at all. He didn't want this stupid respirator. He didn't want that stupid heart monitor. He wanted to tell everyone to FUCK OFF and just let his suffer. Cause maybe... 

Maybe it would finally end.

He didn't understand how his heart was beating AT ALL! The pain he felt... He honestly didn't know if it was physical or not. He just felt like he was dying. He felt like his heart had shattered into a million and one-pieces. He felt like he was fading away into the nothingness... but also felt all too real from the agony. He just wanted it to end. He didn't care how. He wanted it over. He wanted the pain to cease. He wanted his tears to stop falling.

He wanted to die.

A short giggle echoed off the walls of an abandoned warehouse. The sound of a long nail tapping a screen was an ever-constant thing. Every once in a way the person would laugh or snort but for the most part... He was left to the silence.

His head spun with wave after wave of dizziness. He couldn't move his head even if he wanted to. All he could do was sit there and listen to everything. His eyes were shut as the sound of blood dripped off his chair. The rough rope scratched and rubbed his wrists raw till even the two had bled. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to go home. To go back to where he belonged... To even go back to him. 

But she wouldn't let him. 

"You know Jamie. They are NOT happy with you." He high pitched voice bore into him, a near shrill in his head. "They all think they abandoned you. It's even worse now that Anti is..." JJ's eyes darted up as the girl growled setting the phone on the table. "I told him you know? I told him not to do it. I said it would only cause him trouble. But he had to go and get himself attached to someone. He's only hurting himself. So... This is how I'll fix it. I'll make it all better." JJ's eyes filled with horror as she held her knife up high. "I'll use you to get to Jack... kill you both and then... Anti, will finally be free. Once Jack's gone they'll be nothing tying him down."

"Now..." JJ struggled against the bind as he silently whimpered into his gag. She drew closer. Her red and black eyes gleaming as her wavey midnight hair tumbled down off her shoulders. Her knife glinted dangerously in the light. "Do be still... I'm a demon but... I'd prefer not to have to clean too much blood later."