The Diary of Ann-Marie [L.T]

Pt. 1 Forget: One

Diary Entry #1
11•18•17

Today is the first day of writing in my diary. My reason: to move on from Louis Tomlinson. And maybe along the way, figure out who I am and the person who I want to become. I'll just start off by talking about my day and the whole background story that lies behind Louis and I.

He looked amazing today. Like he usually does. He was wearing a gray t-shirt, a denim jacket over it, dark blue skinny jeans, folded on the bottom like usual, and black vans. His hair was in his signature messy hairstyle. He looked so lovely. He's just so perfect. Not only is he beautiful, he has the most wonderful personality. He's the most sweetest and funniest guy you'll ever come across. I didn't know someone like that could exist. Who wouldn't love Louis Tomlinson?

But sometimes, loving someone comes with it's cons even if it's only one. And that one and only con is that he has a girlfriend. I'm not surprised that he has a girlfriend because, come on, it's Louis we're talking about. But what does surprise me is who he's dating. Lexi Rhea. The most popular and, may I add, beautiful girl in school. Your typical popular-boy-dates-popular, mean-girl cliché. Sadly, her bitchy attitude makes her unlikeable. Well, to me of course. Aparently, guys don't give a shit about personality and all they care about is sex, which she gladly gives to them. No wonder every guy in this entire school is madly in love with her. To be honest, I really don't know why guys want to date her. She's a slut. I know that's not really offending, considering that at least she has sex not like some people, preferably me, who are still virgins. But whatever. She can do whatever she wants. It's her life so who am I to judge? What's important, though, is that she's a total grade A bitch that bullies everyone.

But Louis just so happens to think that dating her isn't a bad idea even though she's, most likely, not loyal to him. It pains me to say this, but he loves her. It's easy to tell. He's constantly with her. The way he looks at her; that look in his eye and his smile. It gives it all away. I see this everyday, and everday feels like a little piece of me is being drained out of my enitre being. Call me over dramatic, but that's honestly how it feels like. I'm repeatedly being hurt by the same guy everyday. What's worse is he doesn't even know I'm hurting because of him.

The weird thing is, no matter how many times I try to convince myself that he isn't worth it and that nothing will ever happen between us, I just can't stop loving him. I'm thinking about him all the time. I find myself staring at him in class a lot, which is kind of embarrasing. I don't know what it is about him that catches my attention so much, but it doesn't really matter. All I know is he makes me extremely happy by just being there.

To be honest, I never planned to fall in love with Louis. He was just this very attractive guy, who was incredibly out of my league. At first, my thought of him was completely different than now. When we were in eigth grade, I thought he was this douche guy who always wanted the attention to be on him. Flash forward to junior year in high school, I've learned that he's not that annoying, egotistical guy I thought he was; he's actually quite the opposite. During sophomore year, we were paired up to do a research project together in History. I told him that I'll do the entire project by myself and just give him some credit. I thought he wouldn't bother doing it, so might as well save my time from trying to convince him to. He gave me a confused and offended expression, then said, "That's stupid, why would you do that?" That seriously caught me by surprise. I replied, "Because I thought you wouldn't bother work on the project with me." He then said that we're partners and that we have to work together. So that was that. That was the beginning of something new. Sadly it was as beautifully-cliché and romantic as Troy and Gabriella.

As we worked on the project, I found out how nice he was and, surprisingly, how smart he was. He was hilarious, too. He'd always make a joke about something or do something funny when we were working. I never had so much fun doing something school related. We still talked and hung out when the project was over, that's until he started dating Lexi. He completely changed after that.

He didn't become mean or anything, he just only focused on her. Literally, she was the only thing he focused on. He would slowly stop replying to my texts and canceling our plans. Eventually, he just stopped talking to me. Not even a single hi.

It hurt. The feeling of betrayal. Don't you hate that feeling? When the one person you think will be with you for a long time, just begins to ignore you and leave you for someone else. Then your left with this feeling inside of you. It's a mixture of shock and disappointment. In my situation, though, I felt both of those feelings, but I also felt abandoned.

Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad person. He just made a choice that he didn't know wasn't a good one when I knew from the start. But how can I say that it was a bad idea. All I see is what's on the surface. I'm just you're regular teenage girl who finds flaws in other people and their lives, but doesn't focus on the huge flaw in her own life. Her ugly self.

He's an amazing person with this outrageously wonderful personality.

And I'm just this sad wannabe with no uniqueness, yet instead of bettering herself, she puts all her time and effort on a boy that forgot about her.

What a lovely fucking life I must say.
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A/N So this is going to be like a sad romantic story. There's not gonna be any dialogue, besides past events, since it is her diary. She's basically just writing how she feels about Louis and hoping that this way she'll move on from him.

Also, this is like a warning. I'm pretty much just using Louis' appearance and name in this story. Everything else is made up by me. So the way he acts in this story is not how he acts in real life. The way he is described in the story does in no way reflect on how he is in real life.

So I hope you like the story. I'm sorry if this is boring for some of you. I thought it would be a cool idea since I don't really see that many stories like this.

I hope you like it!

~Jovana :)