Regal Love

Chapter Ten

Sunday was indeed a beautiful day, the sun was shining so bright and I was up bright and early. I didn’t know what had happened but I woke up feeling so happy and satisfied with my life. I spent the next three hours bathing, cleaning the house, cooking and eating my breakfast. I had this sudden desire to go to church, the last time I had been in a church was five years ago and I had sinned plenty since then. I just looked up google maps to see a small church right in my street, I invited Michelle but she was not interested. I didn’t want to force her, I wore Michelle’s long floral skirt and a sky blue blouse and paired them with pump shoes. I didn’t have a bible but I went to the church anyway. The church wasn’t fully packed neither was it so empty, the Pastor that day talked about sexual relations before marriage and I was filled with guilt because I knew about these things, I was taught about it in our old church too but somehow in the process of growing up, I had stopped following the moral principles of a Christian. I looked back to the time when I was living with my then Boyfriend Bryant for years, living like we were married. I was filled with shame and regrets, but it was like the Pastor knew the situation that I had been in or was going through. He said, “God is a living God, He forgives all those who ask for forgiveness and erases your sins....” I thought that I would give this praying and forgiving thing a try, I didn’t know how to pray. I wasn’t really religious person when I was younger, I was born into a Christian family and that was about it. My parents did not care enough to impart such basic knowledge to us and now that I think of it, they should have. If they had done so, maybe I would be in a better situation.
During the mass prayer, I looked around and saw that most of the people bowed down and prayed. And so I did the same. I bowed down and closed my eyes and said,
“Dear God, I am sorry if I am doing it wrong. I don’t know if this is the correct way but all I know is that I want to talk to you. I want to ask you for forgiveness for all the wrong things I have done, said and heard. They say that you are a forgiving God, they say that you are merciful and loving. Have mercy on me and please forgive me. Help me lead the life that you want me to. Protect me from the evils of the world. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.”
    I walked out of the church being the same person as I was when I walked in but new in spirit if that’s what they say when they know that they are forgiven. I had promised myself to not give myself away to any man that I ever come across until I am married. I walked to a neighbouring park and did some office work out in the open, of course I took my laptop to church.
     “Working on a Sunday, are you?” a familiar voice interrupted.
I look up to see Aiden, of course.
“What do I need to do to escape you?” I joked.
“I mean we are professional partners so I don’t think that there will be any escaping from each other any time soon” He joked back and sat next to me.
He gave a long sigh and then looked at the empty swings and sandboxes.
“Parenthood is such a beautiful feeling, eh?” He said. Why was he talking like that?
“You look confused, it’s funny” He let out a nervous laughter.
“What do you expect?” I blurted.
“Me and my fiancé are expecting” He said and he looked at me. His eyes were filled with happiness but he looked nervous at the same time.
“What the frick?” I blurted out without any second thought.
“I know. That was my reaction as well” He looked at me.
“Veronica told me that she was pregnant yesterday and I freaked out because I’m still so young and I have barely got my life figured out. But this was just something that I couldn’t change you know.” He paused.
“Don’t you think that things are going at an extremely fast pace? You just ventured professionally on your own, you  got engaged and now you’re going to be a dad?” I had to say it.
“Like I said, I cannot change it. What’s done is done. The timing is terrible but there is no way that I would abort my child and certainly no way that I’d let her be a single parent.” He said, there was a hint of frustration in his voice. It was disturbing.
“My parents are not married, my mother was just my father’s girlfriend and I was just an accidental pregnancy. Even after I was born they did not get married. I know how hard it is and how many times I have wished for a stable and perfect family. I don’t want my child to go through the same. I don’t want history to repeat itself.” I gulped. I felt so sorry for him. I didn’t know how to react to that.
“I-I am so sorry. I didn’t know” I replied.
“So is that the only reason why you proposed her?” I ask although I knew the answer.
After a while of thinking how he should answer the question he said,
“I was going to do it in the future anyway so why  delay”
He stood up and smiled,
“You are very arrogant but you are also a good listener. Thank you for being my shrink.” And he left the park. What was I supposed to do with all the information? From now on I’ll keep our relationship strictly professional, nothing more nothing less. The more I get close to him, the more I meddle in his affairs; the more I lose myself and I have only a little left of me now.