Dark and Dangerous

Rough Days

Harry's POV

Flashback-

"If you leave its over," I spit.

I feel numb and the feeling only gets worse as she steps towards the door with her things.

"Oh and I only got with you to get in your pants. it wasn't going to last," I say and instantly regret it.

I can tell that Demi is crushed by my statement. before I can stop her, she runs out of the house, slamming the door behind her. I feel so insignificant. just so useless. how could I be so careless? How could I do something of this magnitude to someone so amazing?

I guess I'm just a genuine asshole. that must be it. my phone began to vibrate from where Demi left it. I read the name across the smooth screen. I instantly feel guilt rise in my stomach. Natalie. The thing that made me feel even worse was the message itself. I ran into your little bitch. She seemed pretty upset, are you guys over.

Her words make me feel guilty and angry. She texted me again, but his statement caused me to throw my phone against the wall. the pieces flew everywhere. if you guys are over I get you to myself babe.

"Fuck," I cursed, running my hands through my hair. "Why the fuck did I ever do something so fucking stupid."

I punched a hole in the wall of the small house that contained the memories of the past year and a half. I sat against the wall hoping that I could calm my nerves by just sitting and listening to the wind howl outside. I can't get the images of Demi out of my head. The numbness won't go away. I can't handle this.

I go into the kitchen and find my keys. I drive to the closest bar. the burn that the alcohol leaves in my throat is comforting. my vision is slightly blurred. I'm angered by the sight of a familiar head of blonde hair. I know it was all my fault that Demi left, but why did she have to pick me. why couldn't she just fuck someone else? I remembered what she said about Demi and became even angrier. I walked up to her with a glare on my face.

"Hey baby," she says with a sickening smile.

I cringe at her words.

"Fuck you," I spit and walk out of the bar.

I got into my car and began to speed back to the frat house that I haven't been to in months. I need to feel something, whether it's right or wrong. I parked not far from the large building. lights of different colors blazed from the windows. I pushed into the crowded place and found one person that I never thought I'd see again.

"Cindy," I say wrapping my arms around her small figure.

"Harry, are you okay?" She asked.

I pressed my lips against hers. she pulled away quickly, looking aghast. she grabbed my hand and began leading me to the staircase that leads to hallways of rooms. she pulls me into an open one and closes the door. my expectation was that she would kiss me and give me what I need. instead she looks at me with sympathy.

"Demi came earlier to say goodbye, she wouldn't tell me what happened," the Scottish girl explained.

I instantly feel my stomach wrench at the sound of her name. it's only been maybe an hour and the guilt already makes me sick. I'll feel even worse tomorrow and for the weeks to come. I want it to go away. I love her so much. I haven't been without her for a year and a half. we were a shaky couple, but we were good for each other, we were simple, perfect. I ruined the one perfect aspect of my entire life. The thing that makes this even worse is I was going to propose. I was going to make our simple perfection permanent and I fucked it all up.

"Harry, what happened?" Cindy asked again.

"I cheated on her," I stated blankly.

Cindy's expression is understanding. her gaze shows no sign of judgement whatsoever.

"Were you guys fighting again?" She asked.

"Yes," I answer. "we got in a really bad one before I..."

I suddenly felt angry again. I'm so angry at myself. I just want to hurt myself after what I did. I want to be in pain rather than feeling this numbness. I just want anything but this numb feeling. it's almost as if my insides have disappeared. I feel so empty.

"Don't blame it on yourself. you were drunk,"

"I was only drunk the first time," I began to cry.

I deserve nothing more than numbness. pain would be more tolerable, however. pain lessens eventually, whether it's for a short amount of time or permanently, numbness wears away much slower. You almost have to replace the numbness with other feelings, anger, sadness.

"How many times did you-"

"Stop asking questions," I stated.

My voice was menacing and without tact. I could see fear in Cindy's eyes, which I was not meaning to cause. she walked closer to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Harry, it's okay," she whispered.

"It's not."

End of flashback-