Stay with me? [Finnick Odair]

84

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Chapter eighty four
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Two large guards standing behind him, Peeta stands there holding his tray awkwardly with his wrists shackled. We all stare for a second longer than we should've before Johanna speaks up.

"What's with the fancy bracelets?"

"I'm not quite trustworthy yet," Peeta replies, his voice monotonous. "I can't even sit here without your permission." He gestures behind him to the guards with his head.

"Sure, he can sit here. We're old friends," Johanna says while patting the seat beside her, the guards give a nod and Peeta takes a seat; looking around the table cautiously. "Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We're very familiar with each other's screams."

I feel my stomach lurch and I put my spoon down, not wanting to eat any more, bile suddenly rises in my throat at the memory of hearing the two of them scream until their throats were raw. What happened in the Capitol is still a sensitive subject for me, I've been trying to block it all out since I escaped, but any mention of it just brings all the memories back. All the pain, what they did to me in there, it all comes rushing back to me and hits me in the face like a wall of bricks.

A metallic taste suddenly rises in my mouth and I pull my arms closer to my body, wanting nothing but to disappear, and I feel Finnick's arms wrap around me. I hear Johanna's voice again.

"What? My head doctor says I'm not supposed to censor my thoughts. It's part of my therapy."

"I'm okay," I assure Finnick with a dismissive wave of my hand, but I'm far from it. My foot starts tapping on the floor and I feel my entire body run cold, my eyes stay glued to the table, my fingernails scratch at the bare skin on my arms, and I try everything I can to try and block the memories out of my mind. Finnick keeps whispering sweet things to me as I try to pull myself back to reality, I eventually lift my head up, but the images keep flashing in my mind. Finnick urges me to keep eating, trying to hand the spoon back to me, but I can't stomach any more food without the chance of it coming back up.

I try to distract myself by thinking of the wedding, the decorations, the dress, the beautiful cake — and I realise that I never got the chance to thank Peeta for making it. "Peeta," I murmur, clearing my throat, looking across the table at the broken boy sitting beside Johanna, he looks up from his food and gives me a weak smile. "The icing on the cake, you decorated it, right?" He nods. "I just want to thank you, it was really beautiful."

His smile widens. "My pleasure, Clementine," he replies, that gentleness to his voice returning, and I send a smile over to Finnick as he stares at Peeta cautiously. He turns his eyes to me.

"If we're going to fit in that walk, we better go," he says, picking up both of our trays, and I don't bother to argue with him. We never planned a walk, but I can tell he wants to get away from Peeta. "Good seeing you, Peeta."

"You be nice to her, Finnick. Or I might try and take her away from you." That comment seemed more like a threat than anything, not like Peeta has his eye on me, more like he's going to take me away from Finnick and attempt to kill me. His tone is cold, he stares at me through narrowed eyes, but he still gives a smile to Finnick. I don't understand what changed. He was nice to me before. It's like something just clicked in his brain and suddenly he doesn't trust me. Maybe he realised that I am a big part of this whole rebellion, remembered that I am Katniss' partner in all of this, or maybe he just distrusts Finnick. I don't know.

Either way, it has an effect on Finnick. His grip tightens on my hand and he tries to laugh, but his expression says differently. "Oh, Peeta," Finnick replies lightly, but there's a dangerous edge to his tone. "Don't make me sorry I restarted your heart." I tug on his hand and lead him out of the dining hall, he then leads me up to the surface and we begin to wander around aimlessly.

"What happened back there?" I ask, my eyes on the grass beneath our feet.

"I don't know," Finnick replies, sighing gently.

"He's so different now," I say as we walk through the trees, our movements slow, and I see Finnick nod out of the corner of my eye. "I mean, he doesn't even acknowledge that Katniss is there anymore."

There's a moment of silence that passes before Finnick slows to a stop, stopping me with him, and I look at him with furrowed brows before recognising the look of sorrow upon his face. "Could you really hear them screaming?" He asks, his voice barely more than a whisper, and I feel my heart sink to my stomach. I nod.

"It was mostly Peeta," I reply, chewing down on my lip and biting at the skin. "Like the jabberjays in the arena. It was so real and raw. And it never stopped."

He moves closer to me, moving his spare hand to my cheek and brushing his thumb against my skin. He stares deep into my eyes, blue eyes flickering ever so slightly, inspecting every inch of my face before a frown took over his lips and he spoke the next question on his mind. "What did they do to you, Clem?" He whispers. He's never bothered to ask me about what happened when I was in the Capitol, knowing I'm still sensitive about it, he's never pushed me into telling him anything, but now it seems he needs to know what they did.

I sigh. "They tried to break me to the point of no return, like they did to Peeta, but I fought back." I pause, feeling my throat close up, old memories resurface like an open wound and I feel tears rise in my eyes. I know talking about this will make me break down, come back to bite me later, but Finnick deserves to know. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. "They didn't like that. They got me close to death multiple times, the only thing that kept me going was the thought of you and my sister."