Stay with me? [Finnick Odair]

42

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Chapter forty two: Salted wounds
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Dinner is painfully silent, only the scratching of silverware on the fine china echoes in the small room, I keep catching glances at Finnick, he keeps his eyes on his plate— he doesn't dare to look up at me, I don't know what's wrong with him but I decide to brush it off for now rather than comment on it in front of Asher and Mags.

As soon as dinner is over with, we're just sitting in silence, any attempt at conversation Mags and Asher try immediately dies out with only simple one word answers from me and Finnick. It seems so different now. Before the quarter quell, the tributes would get congratulated and praised for being one of the twenty four to fight to death, but now it's all so quiet and cold. Nobody has congratulated us.

Even Asher has left behind her cheery personality this year.

"So..." Asher sighs. "Why don't we watch back the reapings?"

We all nod silently in agreement, following Asher out the room, we enter the small compartment with the TV and I sit beside Finnick with my knees pulled to my chest. This is where we see this year's tributes.

District one. Cashmere and Gloss. Brother and sister. Both of them are incredibly good looking and young, ready to fight and willing to do anything to win.

District two. Brutus and Enobaria. Enobaria is basically insane, she had her teeth sharpened so she could tear out the throats of her victims, they both seem very enthusiastic to go back into the arena.

District three. Wiress and Beetee. Both very intelligent and know a lot about technology, Beetee invented most of the technology in the Capitol, they're definitely not fighters but neither of them seem upset about having to go back into the games.

Then there's District four. We see Finnick being chosen, his beaming smile and bright eyes, he waves to the crowd, and the camera suddenly switches to my face. I look like I'm about to shatter at any moment, my lips are pursed and my eyes keep flickering back and forth. As Annie's name is called, they play the clip where I mouth 'I love you' to my sister, they even get her reaction, then you can see me volunteering for Annie. Annie's reaction is what gets the tears going, I bury my face in my knees until they move onto the next district.

We continue seeing the victors being chosen, the morphlings, Blight and Johanna Mason, Cecilia and Woof, Chaff and Seeder. Most of these people Finnick and I know. I don't like quite a few of them, but we still know them. We've spoken to them on many occasions, we've all been through the exact same thing, they're our friends no matter what.

Then there's District twelve. The star-crossed lovers. Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. Peeta volunteers for Haymitch, no remorse or regret in his eyes, Haymitch tries to stop him but it's no use. Katniss looks shocked, but she doesn't cry, she just stares at him with this unknown look on her face. Then they're marched into the justice building and the anthem plays.

I lift my head. Mags mumbles something to Asher and they both give each other a nod. Asher turns to us.

"It's probably best if you make some allies in these games, it can make all of the difference."

I instantly shake my head, clenching my fists. "No," I say firmly. I can't make allies after watching each and every one of my allies die in front of my eyes in my games, it's not something I want to go through again, I don't even bother to explain myself as Asher gives me a confused look. I only say two simple words. "I can't."

With that, I pull myself out of my seat and leave the room. I go straight to my bedroom and collapse on the bed. My eyes find interest in the pure white ceiling and I feel a lump growing in my throat, my chest tightens, my eyes prick with pain-filled tears, I clench my fists around the plush bedsheets and try to keep the tears down as their faces appear in my head.

Charlotte. Archer. Peter. Rosalie.

Oliver.

They're all dead because I couldn't protect them. They're all dead because I couldn't think of someone else for a change, I was only thinking of myself, I was too caught up in my own survival that I forgot that only one of us could go home and I swore to myself that person would be Oliver. Now he's dead. I wasn't good enough.

"Hey."

My head shot upwards, seeing Finnick leaning against the doorframe, I smile weakly towards him as I push myself up in my bed. He takes a step forward, clearly hesitating as if approaching me is forbidden. He picks at the tips of his fingers nervously as he lowers himself onto the edge of the bed.

"I thought you might want some company," he shrugs, looking towards me hopefully, I give him a crooked smile and nod my head.

"That would be nice."

He let out the breath he was holding, probably silently thanking whoever it is up there that I didn't say no, running a hand through his messy blonde hair, he shuffles over to the side of me and lies down. I make myself comfortable. Moving closer to him, I'm surrounded by warmth as soon as I place my head down on his chest, wrapping an arm around his torso, he holds me close to him and I smile to myself— just listening to his heartbeat, reminding myself that he is alive.

A sort of happiness rushes through me, I look up to him only to realise that he is looking right back at me, I smile, seeing the glimmer in his bright blue eyes brings me back to those days in district four... the docks... dancing in the woods... just enjoying those few tastes of freedom we got. Sometimes I wish that we were stuck in that time, always having fun, never worrying about the games, escaping the world forever...