protected || natasha romanoff [DISCONTINUED]

what i could've had.

"what're you going to do on your break?" clint asks.

i flop on my bed. we haven't talked about budapest. "take a break," i say sarcastically.

barton flops down next to me. "you really think you can relax?"

"i'll be fine," i snap, building my walls up higher.

"you should come stay with me," clint says, surprising me.

"where?" i ask, curiosity getting the better of me. i always assumed he, like, lived in a sewer or something.

"it's a farm in missouri. almost nobody knows about it."

"why are you telling me?" i ask, rubbing my wrist. also, does he just fly home every night?

i know he's grinning right now. "laura wants to meet you," he says, "you'll like her. besides, when's the last time you actually went out?"

i think about it for a moment. nope, i only get out for missions, really. "fine."

"great!" he says. "pack your bags, i want to be gone by tomorrow. and no guns."

"jeez," i say, throwing my hands up, "i guess i'll have to bring knives."

"one sharp object!" he argues. "one."

"deal," i say with a laugh.

-

a lady with dark hair is sitting on the porch. as soon as he reaches her, clint gives her a kiss. i get out of the car as well, standing back awkwardly.

"hey, nat!" he calls, "come meet laura!"

i wave, and start grabbing my bags. she comes over and takes one from me. "i've heard lots about you," laura says, holding out her hand.

i shake it. "thanks," i say, gesturing to the bags.

she starts showing me inside, where clint has already made himself at home. i guess it is his home. he tosses me a beer and laura winces, but i catch it. i'm still a little confused about their relationship, but it's not my place to intrude.

she takes both of our drinks. "clint, why don't you show natasha to her room?"

she doesn't seem like she wants to meet me. but i understand what i must seem like to an outsider. especially since... i smile at her again, but it doesn't quite reach my eyes.

sjsjsjsjsj

i wake up in a cold sweat. i climb out of bed and make my way downstairs- i'm not really sure where i'm going.

and that's how clint finds me perched on top of his fridge. "nat?" he asks, blinking sleepily. i peek down at him. "get down from there," he says. he looks like he's trying to be stern, but is holding back a laugh. i'm not sure what's worse.

i jump down and stand in front of him, a little awkwardly. laura and i didn't exactly hit it off, and this is his house. i was invited here.

"do you wanna talk about it?"

this takes me by surprise. i take a second to recover. "no, i'm fine. it was just a nightmare."

"about..?"

"yes."

"is that why you defected so willingly?" he murmurs.

i push past him, my eyes stinging. "i asked for a solo mission, and i got one. thanks for letting me stay the night."

i didn't, and i'm not even going to ask for one. i'm going to take the rest of the week to help build my web. i've used plenty of aliases over the years, and i've even managed to separate a couple from the KGB in my spare time. next week, samantha is going to renew her driver's license, and laura just bought her first condo.

but he grabs my arm. "nat- tasha- you can't run from your problems forever."

"i'm not running."

"what's wrong?"

"why did you save me?"

"cmon, nat, don't start now. i thought we were doing better."

there's a lump in my throat. i swallow. "i'll see you later," i say, taking a step back.

"natasha, we both know talking about what happened is the only-"

i turn around, my eyes watering. "then talk."

he sighs, sitting down at his dining room table. i stay standing, but i relax a little. "my dad wasn't great. y'know, your usual abusive, drunk asshole. eventually, he and my mom got into a crash, leaving my brother and i orphaned. we did the cliche thing and ran away to a circus."

"that's where you learned to use a bow?" i ask, but it's not really a question.

"yeah, but of course things went wrong. so i became a mercenary. then SHIELD recruited me. you were one of my first missions, actually."

"i didn't even know you were tailing me," i admit.

he snorts. "that's cause i wasn't. i never even found you. the only reason i was called in was because i was in the area. carter really only promoted me once we got back... i was only allowed to be in russia because i was a loophole. an agent, but not really. morse shouldn't have been there- she wasn't technically on SHIELD business, though. till she threatened you."

i laugh. "i'm good at my job." i had known about the tensions, of the cold war, but i learned from the wrong side.

he smiles. "i know."

i stay silent for a moment. "i'm sorry for your loss."

he shrugs, obviously uncomfortable. "it's okay. we've all lost someone."

"you've got laura," i suggest.

"you know how it is. it's hard to trust again. i love her, and she says she loves me, though, and that's enough."

what would a normal person do? comfort him? i don't know, so i do something i never thought i would. i start talking.