Part Two: the Sequel

Update.

Hey, guys. 

So I'm in college now. Hell yeah, right? 

I'm loving it and hating it. On the one hand, I met my best friend here, and all my friends are so unbelievably amazing that I don't know what I did to deserve them. I've also made amazing connections in the music education world, which should be helpful later on in my career. Also, I'm part of an amazing church, and I have so many opportunities to play my trombone here. 

On the other hand, I'm dealing with a crazy amount of burn out and imposter syndrome. I feel like I'm not good enough to be here. I practice one to two hours every damn day, and then I'll go into my lesson on Monday and my professor will tell me I'm doing the bare minimum and I don't know how to practice, and I just... It's hard. I feel like I'm running two miles and getting pushed back three. And it doesn't help that my friend Sydney will tell me how Doc told her he's proud of her and she's doing a great job, but I know she actually for real only practices around an hour a week. I don't like to compare myself to others, but it's just... It's hard, you know? I don't know what I'm doing wrong. 

And on top of that, every time I go to take a break and take care of me and my mental health, I feel ridiculously guilty because I could be using that time to practice or study or work on sight singing or something. I just really need a break. And some validation from my professor. I try so damn hard every week to make him proud and every week I feel like he's tearing me down. 

Ugh. Anyway. 

I learned to crochet! So far, I've made a scarf, but I'm planning on making a baby blanket for my cousin who's about to have a baby. Should be fun. I just learned a new stitch, too, which is fun. 

Anyway, I should get going. I have a concert tonight and I still need to get ready for it. Also, my laptop is about to die. 

Maybe I'll talk to you all later? Who knows.