Part Two: the Sequel

Ugh.

I miss the way I used to be with my friends. I miss feeling like they like me and like I'm important and like I'm not annoying them by asking them to do things and hang out because I'm LONELY. I miss laughing with them and smiling with them, and I miss getting texts from them, and I miss not having to initiate almost all conversations online, and I miss feeling... loved? I guess? I'm lonely. I just... Sometimes I'll tell someone that I miss them, and I do mean I miss seeing them, but sometimes I'll say this while I'm with that person in the same space, and I guess... In this sense, it means I miss them as a person. I miss how we used to be. I miss how we used to joke and tease and laugh and just Be. I feel like this never happens with me anymore. And I feel like it's something I did wrong. Because I'm kind of a garbage human being. Ugh. And I see everyone around me interacting and making new friends and being friendly and I try to but somehow? It never works out.

I just want it to be spring, y'all. This seasonal depression is hitting me hard this year. 

Love you guys. For real.