Where The Light Doesn't Reach

16.

I've learned a few things about Gray's family over the past five days I've been here.

Rosie, for instance, isn't shy about her body, or about anything really. The amount of times she's walked through the house in her underwear is astounding, which Gray quickly caught onto and scolded her for, to which she replied with, "Well he's gay anyways, isn't he?"

Immediately I knew she was talking about me, which made me blush and curl in on myself as Mrs. Kane smiled at me pitifully. Apparently they knew and didn't care; which is good, I guess, but Rosie's words were still pretty humiliating—

I mean I am a guy, and just because I like other guys doesn't mean that I'm okay with seeing her practically naked. In fact, I'm pretty sure the whole point of being gay is that I'd rather do anything other than see a woman's body - not that I really want to see a guy's either, but that's something else entirely.

Mrs. Kane, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of her daughter. She's very attentive to others' personal space, surprising me multiple times with the liberties she's taken to make me feel safe and comfortable here. She always manages to stop herself from touching me even when you can tell it's hard for her, as she's very affectionate towards her own children. She also makes sure to ask me what I want, how I'm doing, or if I need anything. She's told me multiple times to just make myself at home and do as I please, the sadness in her eyes apparent every time I ask for permission for something. She said she understood that I probably have strict parents and it'll take some time for me to get used to it.

My parents weren't necessarily strict though, it's more like they didn't want me to exist and everything I did was a nuisance. Gray overheard our conversation and gave me a look like he knew what I was thinking.

That's another thing about living here: I'm around Gray almost all the time. Of course he and his sister still go to classes occasionally, giving me time alone in the house while Gray's mom goes to social gatherings or editorial meetings. By listening to her stories at dinner, it seems like it's mainly just her and some author friends getting together and talking about their books without actually writing them, and it honestly sounds like a lot of fun. The things she talks about actually make me laugh, Gray noticing and constantly throwing me these wide smiles that I always have to turn away from because they make me feel things I shouldn't.

Gray's so attractive it must be illegal.

Honestly there's still a lot I don't understand about the man, even though I see him so much now. His family hasn't mentioned anything about mental illnesses, yet Gray said his depression got so bad that at one point he even attempted to kill himself - the scars on his arms as evidence. I've seen him take medication for it, but neither his mom nor his sister seem to deal with the same thing. The family clearly love each other very much, and Mrs. Kane is an attentive mother who's there for her kids, so it'd be weird to think he'd develop depression through trauma or anything like that. Although, there's always the possibility that he just inherited it from his dad.

Now, Mr. Kane hasn't been talked about at all while I've been here, at least not around me. There aren't any family photos hung up or placed around the house, and no man's belongings besides Gray's are seen to be anywhere. His mom told me to call her by her first name - Denise - but I said I wouldn't feel comfortable with that, so we settled on Mrs. Kane. The title confused me but I didn't ask about it, though it has to mean that she has a husband. Or, I assume husband, but there isn't a sign of a wife either.

As I said, I didn't ask.

The mystery of Gray's dad, as well as his sudden move here, has me guessing there's something I don't know about. Considering the things I'm hiding, it's no surprise that he hasn't told me everything, but I can't help being a little curious. A lot of time spent without a phone or homework means more thinking, and random questions just tend to pop up with each new observation.