Being The Different Fan

GRIEVING PROCESS

I know I seem shallow and carefree seeing as all I ever talk about is Chris.
The truth is, that is just the exterior I want people to see but sometimes I forget that my life is a little bit more complicated than that and I need a wake up call.
Like this morning that wake up call came in the form of a phone call from my sister telling me that my mom had died.
I could feel my world literally crashing down. My mom wasn't always the best but she was still my mom. The only one I ever had.
My dad had been in prison since I was still very little so I remember very little about him.
  But my mom would work her ass off with multiple jobs just to make ends meet but as soon as I was old enough I ran away from that house and started living on my own.
My mom never bothered to look for me. I guess she knew I was better out here than with her.
My sister said the memorial service would be held at our old house next Friday. It was the same day as Chris' party but honestly I didn't care all I could think about was my mom.
I stayed in bed all day and when kady asked what was wrong I couldn't help but break down.
"I was so selfish...so...so...selfish "I was hitting the bed with my fists as sobs wracked my chest.
"Woah calm down what happened?"she quickly came to my side as I emptied my heart to her.
"I didn't even call her once since I left...I don't know if she was thinking about me at her last moment and now she's gone...my mom is gone...and now I'm truly alone" I cried my eyes out as kady held me whispering that everything would be okay.
  "It's not your fault"
  "But it is... I wasn't in her life..." I sniffed "she probably died worrying about me"
"That's not true,i am pretty sure she loved you and she wouldn't want you thinking this way"
She held me and we sat there for hours as I just cried and let everything of my chest .
It was now 1 o'clock and she was trying to get me to eat something when the bell rang and she got up to answer it and also to bring me a snack.

Chris' pov,
It was a boring Sunday for me and I was trying to get Dexter to work up the nerve to ask kady on a date just for some entertainment but he just wouldn't budge.
"Dude you need to try"
"Nuh-uh what if she rejects me"
"And what if she doesn't " i raised an eyebrow in his direction.
"What if the date is awkward?" He said pacing obviously tempted by the idea .
"It won't be and if it makes you any more comfortable I'll even go on a double date with you" I slouched on the couch to make it seem like no big deal.
"Oh yeah who will you take as a date then?" he was obviously tempted to accept now seeing as he had stopped pacing now.
"I'll take her roommate Kara"
"Her roommate's name is Carrie" he said slapping my knee so I would sit properly.
"Sorry... I'll take Carrie" I corrected
"Do you like her?"he asked raising his eyebrows to imply something i hadn't admitted to.
"Of course not... You know I don't do fans, they are all just in love with the chrisxfallie they see on Instagram not me"
"Whatever dude just promise you'll be nice to her"
"I promise...she seems nice enough so it shouldn't be much of a problem".
"Okay then I'm really gonna do it" he walked out and went down the hall to knock on her door.

-----------------
"Hey Dexter"
"Hi kady" she looked sad and tired and was wearing dirty sweats but still looked beautiful to him.
"What's up?" She let out a yawn and scratched her eyes.
"Well Chris and I were kinda wondering if you girls wouldn't mind having lunch with us"
Her face lit up "like a double date?"
"Yeah like that"
Then her face fell again "I would love too but maybe another time"
"Oh... I knew I shouldn't have let Chris push me into this and now look at me being let down easy by a pretty girl"he turned to leave but she stopped him.
"Dexter wait... Honestly I would love nothing more than to go on a date with you but today's not a good day" her eyes were sincere so now he was worried
"Why? What's wrong?"
She bit her lower lip as if contemplating whether to tell him or not before she finally said "well Carrie just got a call from her sister that her mom had passed away"
"Oh god is she okay?"he seemed genuinely concerned.
"She has been crying all morning but Carrie's strong she'll get through this but in the meantime I can't just leave her here by herself" she put her hands in her pocket and threw her head back to remove the stiffness.
"Well I totally understand and if you girls need anything just call me I'm right down the hall" she smiled at his concern.
"Thanks Dexter... I really hope we have that date later though"
"I'll make sure we do" he smiled and left.

-------------------
"So bro how did it go?"I sat up to here all the details.
"They can't make it today but she really hopes we have it another time thought"he sat next to me and kept on smiling.
"Ouch... sounds like you got let off easy" I patted his shoulder to comfort him "sorry bro"
"Nah... It's nothing like that, actually Carrie's mum just died so Kady has to stay with her today"
"Oh my God seriously... Is she okay?" I didn't like her or anything but any human being would be concerned right?.
"Yes kady Said she's been bawling her eyes out but she'll be fine"
"You know, we should pay her a visit maybe it'll make her feel better"
"Yeah we should, how about tomorrow? It still to much for her today but tomorrow she would've calmed down a bit"
"Yeah sure"

++++++++++++++
I spent all day crying but now I was ready to face the world again.
I took a long nap and woke up at Six, so their wasn't much to face.
I took the tub of ice cream out of the freezer and got a spoon to eat it with. Then sat in front of the TV watching akeelah and the bee.
Kady walked in with a bag of groceries from the store and after putting it away she came to join me on the couch with a spoon of her own and we watched the movie in silence for a while before she asked "are you going to the memorial?"
"Yes" I sniffled
  "It's the same day as Chris's party" she nudged.
"Yeah so"
"So? Knowing you Carrie if Chris was holding his party on the moon you'd still be there but now you seem so calm... I'm proud of you" she hugged me.
"Yeah well some things are more important than Chris"I took another spoon of ice cream "that doesn't mean I don't love him though" i pointed a spoon at her and she raised up her hand in mock surrender as we laughed.
I think I will be okay.

________________
The next day, I had to get out of the house so I woke up at seven put on some sweats and went out for a jog.
I knew if I stayed in the house any longer I might get depressed.
As I passed by Dexter's room i contemplated whether to knock and greet him but I just pushed that thought away as I passed by I heard his door open and I saw Chris coming out also wearing sweats and airpods like he was also going for a jog.
I tried to stay cool but I knew I was red right now as he took out his airpods and said "hey, are you also going for a jog?"
"Yeah, I am cause I need to clear my head"
We headed out together
"Yeah I heard about your mom, I am so sorry. I hope you're okay though?" He seemed awkward as he was talking about it but I smiled at the fact the cared and replied "yeah Its tough but I'll be fine"
"In the meantime..." He put on of his airpods in my ear and the other in his and brought out his phone to play his personal playlist.
I was a bit taken aback by his actions but I quickly covered that up. The play list started with circles by post Malone and I couldn't help but sing along with my horrible voice.
He laughed at me but I didn't mind because I loved post Malone so much i knew all his songs by heart when the song finally ended and beautiful people by ed sheeran and Khalid started playing he asked as we jogged "so are you still coming to my party next week?"
"Nah... I'm afraid I can't" I stared at my feet "it's the same day as my mom's memorial"
"Oh that's to bad though" he said but he didn't seem really disappointed "but I know some things are important"
"Yeah but..."
Before I could a light skinned girl with long legs and braids came out of nowhere and latched herself to Chris' arm "there you are baby, you know I came by you apartment a while ago but Dexter said you weren't around and I kept calling but you didn't pick up but I'm sure it's cause you didn't see it"
She totally ignored my presence and I could tell I hated her already, Chris didn't seem to comfortable with her too.
"I am really glad I wasn't home when you came and as for the calls I ignored those on purpose"
"Chris why are you doing this to me,i already said I am sorry"She whined and batted her long fake lashes.
"Yeah well sorry doesn't fix everything"
"Then let me fix it just give me a second chance,i promise I'll be good"
"No can do"he pulled out of her hold and came next to me placing a hand on my shoulder pulling me close to him "I am with her"
She finally looked at me although now that she did I wished she hadn't. She had the Biggest scowl on her face as she looked at me like I was an ogre beside Chris.
"Her? But why?" She whined.
"I don't know why. All I know is she's the one for me" he kissed me on the head and even though I knew he was just acting my heart still fluttered as I struggled not to blush.
Finally having enough she rolled her eyes "uh whatever, I am out" she flicked her hair and walked away fast.
As soon as she was out of sight Chris let me go "I'm sorry about that carrie"
"It's okay" I said shyly tucking my hair behind my ear "but who was that"
"That was my ex girlfriend. She's really too much so I wasn't ready for all that drama this morning"he changed the song to shawn Mendez stitches and took my hand.
"Let's go get smoothies"
"Okay" we kept jogging and he was still holding my hands but was distracted by something on his phone as his full concentration was now on his screen.
  Now I am really sure he likes me.
But now the question remains how, do I get him to admit it?.
One thing is for sure though I have to go to his party next week even if it means missing my mom's funeral.
I mean she wouldn't Mind would she?