The Youngest Winchester - Supernatural Imagines

Hunt Gone Bad (3/3)

⚠️Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Self Hatred, Thoughts of Suicide/Suicide Attempt⚠️

All of Kates thoughts will be underlined

A/N: As a disclaimer, this chapter contains subjects I do not take lightly as someone who has both anxiety and depression. However, it will most likely not be an entirely accurate representation of suicidal thoughts/tendencies as those can be experienced differently by everyone.

If you are struggling with your mental health, please reach out; help is always there. You are loved<3

                
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2:33am. A soft breeze, rustled through the nearby trees and sent the fallen leaves spinning down the foot-path towards her, as if they were chasing her.

The worn down combat boots she'd worn since the age of 16, scuffed along the side-walk producing the only sound in the air other than her soft sniffles.

She fucked up. She knew it too, and that was probably the worst part.

Turning off into an alleyway, she crouched next to a dumpster and let all her emotions loose.

Tears formed in her eyes before they fells softly. She slowly began to sob, smashing her hands into the gravel beneath her, over and over again; her fists bled and her thoughts ran rampant in her mind. Tormenting her.

You hurt him. He's probably dead. All cause you couldn't do your fucking job,

She began hyperventilating, clutching her hands into tight fists, her hair in her grasp.

You stood there, like an idiot. You're a simple-minded, naive little girl. They'd be better off without you.

Do it. Your guns right there. In your waistband. It'll be quick, clean. No more than you deserve. Do it, do it now. Just do i-

There was a gust of wind. A flutter of wings.

"Kate? I heard your distressed thoughts, are you-" To see her there, a gun clutched tightly in the young woman's hands pressed against her temple, caused Castiel to feel something he'd never felt before. Deep, from-the-gut-fear.

In all his thousands of years living, Castiel had never once felt such a level of anguish or guilt radiate off of one person.

The moment he had raised Dean from hell, was the moment he pledged to protect the Winchesters; and over time as he grew to know them, the urge to do so became even stronger.

However he'd always had a particular, unexplainable impulse to care for Kate. He considered her a sister just as much as any other angel in his Garrison.

"Kate, what are you doing?" He questioned softly, crouching in front of her. He knew her intentions fully, but was attempting to distract her.

"Cas, please. Go away. I have to do this, I need to-" she cried, not looking her angel in the eye, "I hurt Sam, Cas he's hurt cause of me, he could be dead for all I know. I screwed up, like I always do. I let Dean down, I let Sam down. All I've ever done is let people down, I screw up everything I try. I'm-" her rambling stopped as she inhaled a shaky breath and put her finger on the trigger.

"Kate. Lower the gun. Whatever is wrong we can fix it, I swear." He explained, slightly raising his hand.

She let out a small, almost inaudible chuckle, "You can't fix this, Angel. Not this time." she smiled at him through tears, "There's no broken bones to mend, no cuts to seal. I'm a bad person, an even worse hunter, it's just in my DNA. You can't change it and neither can I, this is the best way. The only way." She shut her eyes and began to squeeze the trigger before Castiel leapt towards her, pushing her to the ground and pulling the weapon from her grasp, throwing it to the other end of the alley.

"No! No, I need to do it! Cas, please! Please don't do this to me!" She choked out before putting her head in her hands, and allowing her shaking body to fall towards the angel.

"It'll all be okay." he stroked the girls hair and whispered reassurances as she sobbed.

The two sat like that for minutes on end, Kate occasionally let out a soft cry and Cas assured her everything would be just fine. They remained in that cycle until Kate slowly began to calm, pulling away and sitting up, she looked him in the eye.

"I'm so sorry, Cas. I was just trying to make it all stop." Castiel nodded at her comfortingly, signalling for her to continue,

"My thoughts, they just- they're so loud, and they say horrible things. They have since I was a kid, it slowly got better after my da- after John died; they haven't been that bad in a while," she explained, looking to the ground and picking at the gravel.

He saw her bruised hands for the first time, he held them gently and healed the injured knuckles before saying,

"Kate Mae Winchester," he gripped her jaw with the softest of hands and forced her to look at him, "your father was one of the cruellest men I have ever heard about. I've met murderers and criminals, thieves and liars. Throughout my thousands of years alive, it has not been uncommon to see people filled with rage and projecting it onto others. But to see a man project that hatred onto his own children is quite possibly the worst offence that someone could commit. He belittled you, broke you down to the very foundations of your being and yet still demanded your respect. You gave that man nothing but love and admiration and in return he gave you nothing but sleepless nights, insults and abuse. You're still recovering from that and it's ok; things like this do not dissipate over night, the sooner your brothers understand that the better."

Her tears began to fall again, but for a completely different reason this time.

Someone knew, finally someone understood enough to put it to words. Sam and Dean were able to comprehend Johns effect on Kate to a certain degree as they were often tormented as well, but neither of them would ever come to fully understand the permanent affects he had had on her young mind.

A moment of silence passed before the angel spoke once again, "I went to see Sam, before I came here," she looked up towards him after hearing his words, "His ulnar artery was slashed but the surgeons were able to repair the damage, his hand will retain full functionality, I can assure you," He promised.

"Did you talk to Dean? Did he say anything about me? About what I did?" She inquired,

"I asked where you were, if you were ok, he-" Castiel sighed before continuing, "he said that what you had done was unforgivable, you almost got Sam killed despite being easily able to stop it," she nodded, both understanding and agreeing with her brothers words, "however, he said he had been too harsh on you, that he understands the pressure you were under and immensely regrets treating you the way he did. If I was to tell him the state you were in now, I think he'd just about fall to his knees and beg for your forgiveness."

"You can't tell them Cas, neither of them can know, if they found I tried to- they'd never forgive me." She said, looking at him, her eyes practically begging for him to keep her secret.

"There is nothing for them to forgive, Kate. I don't understand much about what goes on in a humans brain but I know what you're going through is uncontrollable, your brothers would protect you till their dying breaths whether it be from an outside threat, or from your own mind. They love you, and so do I."

"Promise?" She questioned,

"Promise."

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Words: 1277

A/N: I apologise if any of you were looking for an apology scene between Kate and Dean, I have worked on this chapter for a few weeks now and couldn't figure out what to put in that scene for the life of me. I'm sure you're not, but if any one is desperate for one, let me know and I'll attempt to write a separate chapter for that; until then I hope this chapter was satisfactory.

I wanted to introduce Cas and the relationship between him and Rachel, so I focused on them in this chapter.

If you have any constructive criticism for me or any requests for new stories, leave them in the comments or send me a message.

As always thank you for reading, have a good day :)

Until next time,
Abbey