Annihilation

Chapter 19

Its not the endings that will haunt you
But the space where they should lie
The things that simply faded
Without one final wave goodbye
-E.H

MEGHAN

Meghan chewed on her pencil.She didn't have to look at it she reminded herself. Maybe if she avoided it long enough it will just disappear.She looked up and there it was sitting in her inbox. The harbinger of doom. An email from Angie. The last time she had talked to her.....yeah she's not going there.
Besides It could be about anything but since it was just a week before her birthday Meghan was pretty sure she knew what this was about.She sighed . She really didn't need this right now. She had so much work to do. A stack of assignments to submit that were dead set on punishing her for her procrastinating ways. And she was sleepy. Again.
Not for the same reason though. This day of deprivation from z's and utter dependency on caffeine was contributed to her favourite author releasing a book. It was a spin off a series she has already read. Oh dear god could she not wait to dig into it. Just the first few ...okay ten chapters had given her goosebumps and made her want to miss class snuggle in for the day and read till she couldn't see anything properly without blinking. The latter part of the wish is definitely being realised. Yawning she gathered her books and stood up. The library was mostly empty except from a few people. Moving towards her locker, she was taking out her books when she felt him come beside her.
"Go away" she said without looking up
"Come on. I brought coffee?"
Meghan looked at Jackson "I am still not doing the human sexuality presentation with you" i told him.
"But it would be so cool" he said pouting.
"Nope" Meghan said "Not happening. People take sick leaves and make excuses to escape from that dreadful thing and you voluntarily agreed to do it. If i didn't know better i'd think your are either suicidal or crazy or both."
"Its human sexuality! Can you imagine all the things we can do with that. One slide. One slide is all it will take to make a classroom full of people rectify their definitions of a nightmare."
Meghan looked at him
"You're a sadist" she said. "Anyway i have too much to do already. The presentation for Music is due next week and i still haven't talked written anything for it."
"What is it about?" Jack asked her as they walked to class.
"We basically have to write an original lyric and perform it in front of the class. It can be as small as a single verse, but  it has to be original. So my partner , Lisa knows how to play guitar so i have to write the lyrics. And ...i can't think of anything that doesn't sound cheesy.I spent an hour staring at a blank paper last night".Meghan was just thankful she wasn't a part of the group that was going to perform today. The first batch always got the brunt of it.
"So I'll have to do the presentation alone."
"Well you made your bed  ..."
Jack narrowed his eyes on her "You're so gonna regret this.Its going to be legendary."
She really doubted that. Its human sexuality. What's the worst thing that can happen?
—————————-
Meghan's ear drums are bleeding.It's just that her blood had gone invisible since all of her red blood cells had shrivelled up and died. Yes that's reason she can't see the red liquid dripping down her face and onto her desk. The guy in front of the class continued screeching about being rich and with 'bitches'. The lyrics are....colourful. It is a rap. It is the tenth rap she has heard today. She is ready to commit suicide. Meghan tries not to scream in relief as the guy finally,fucking finally finishes and sits back down.
"Okay Joshua, that was definitely..unique. The lyrics were by ?"
"Me " a guy stands up from behind me.
"Oh um, well...Who is up next?"
A girl from the front row stood up. She walked up to the front and started to set up her piano. After a minute or two ,she started to sing.. The song....it was beautiful. Hauntingly so. Her voice had a rough texture to but it wasn't what gave Meghan a stop.
It was the lyrics

Hidden glances
Lost chances
A summer of fake romances
I can't let you go
I can't let you in
Maybe its my salvation
Maybe its  my sin
But I can't help but admit
I can't help but fall
Even when i sit here ignoring your call
So forgive me i failed you
Left you behind in a rush
But if there is anything pure in my heart
It's my love for us.
My love for us
i remember the day i saw you fall from grace
An angel comforted in a demon's embrace
Starting a symphony
that has now turned into a hush
because the only thing
that used to make my heart sing
was my love for us
my love for us

She finished the song and the room broke into applause. The girl smiled and walked back to her seat.The rest of the class went to raps and poems that didn't quite rhyme but meghan couldn't get that one song out of her head.
~*~*~*~
By the time she was done with her shift at the diner ,Meghan was still sleepy, still had no ideas for her presentation, and was still avoiding the email.
So she dragged herself home took a shower changed into her favourite pjs made coffee and sat at her desk staring yet again at the blank paper. She sighed trying to think of anything that she could possibly communicate through a song. Something that happened recently to vent about but nope nothing. All the things she could write about ,she won't because meghan is not ready to deal with what has happened recently. To add to that she couldn't stop thinking about the email from Angie. She had to check it some time or the other. Pulling her phone out Meghan opened the email holding her breath as her eyes quickly scanned the content. Yep it was what she was expecting. Meghan wanted to walk face first in a wall or a book. Any of those worked as long as she could avoid meeting Martha.
It had been a long time since she had seen her. The last time they talked hadn't been so pleasant after all. She didn't know how to get this waiver form signed by her. Next week Meghan was turning eighteen and that meant she would be out of the system officially. Meghan had been living alone for an year now . After what had happened she couldn't live in the park anymore. She had to move out.  So she left, rented this apartment. It wasn't exactly nice but it was decent .She didn't know why Martha had allowed her to do that . Why she hadn't told the authorities about it and not demanded money to stay quiet instead but she hadn't. She had let Meghan go.
Meghan stared blankly at her phone. Her mind far away taking her back to the night it happened.
She had just walked home from work and the minute she opened the door she felt it all around her. She saw Martha on the couch smoking . The whole room was full of smoke . It wasn't something new. Martha smoked pot whenever she could afford to do it but this time it was somehow different. The room was just too hazy, the smoke too thick. It smelled familiar .One single sniff was all it took.
Suddenly Meghan wasn't in the trailer with Martha but she was back at her mom's house.She was back there with Carl. She remembered being so hungry. So very hungry and she had walked in on them. Her mother was on the couch her eyes closed. The smoke surrounding her. She remembered calling her name asking her to wake up. She didn't but Carl did. He did and he came for her. She remembered screaming till her throat was hoarse but her mother didn't wake up. She remembered being so terrified. Unable to move all she could do was lay down on the floor as the smoke surrounded her as well. She remembered the sickly sweet odour . How helpless she felt . But then she was free her mother was there she had pulled him back. One of the neighbours called the police that night.They arrested her mother and Carl. But even when he was gone she felt his presence . Meghan had her first panic attack that night.The weed it was Blue Dream it brought back everything she had been trying so desperately to forget. She had blacked out. When she opened her eyes she was on her bed and Michael was there. Martha had called him.She remembered clinging onto him. Telling him that she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't stay here.Remembered telling him everything all the while he held her and talked her through her tears.She looked at him his green eyes so full of sadness as he looked down at her.She slept in his arms and when she woke up he was still there. They had breakfast together and then they went to search for an apartment. When she saw this place it was desolate. It needed repairs not unlike all the places that they had seen before .But then she had looked out the window and she had lost her breath. The city skyline shown in the glow of lights and meghan knew she wasn't going to get anything better than this. She had money saved up but not enough to rent the place. So she had given up and decided to settle for one of the cheaper ones that were in her budget. The next day an envelope containing money that would've been enough to cover an year's rent sat on her bedside. She didn't need to guess who it was from. She walked up to Michael and gave him back his money . She couldn't accept it,not when she knew he needed it just as badly.
But Michael had leaned in close kissed her cheek and said "It's yours" and  that was that. She had gotten the apartment.
She had tried to pay him back but he never accepted the money. No matter how hard she pushed. Every time she would slip the money in his bag or his pocket it would magically end up back in her own purse.
That stubborn bastard.
Meghan smiled but then caught herself.Thinking back to all those hateful words he had thrown at her just the week before She didn't know how to identify that stranger to the person who had held her and helped her through her nightmares. How do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul? She didn't know what could possibly have changed so much for him to turn this cold. But most of all she didn't know how to not care about him even after all that he has done.
So she put down her phone looked at the paper that was so intent on taunting her and started writing