Annihilation

Chapter 20

You can take off all the clothes you wore
But you can't take off regret
You can block your ears from hearing more
But you can't make your mind forget

MICHAEL

Michael looked up into the night sky.His forearms resting on his knees ,he watched as clouds slowly sifted by.

A half burnt cigarette and a nearly empty bottle of beer hung from his hands.He didn't know what he was doing here. Why he had ended up sitting in an abandoned clearing in the woods looking drunkenly up at the sky was as much of a mystery to him as was the fact why he kept ruining all the good things in his life. A haunting melody which he had been trying and failing to numb continued  to play in his mind. Offering up a cruel reminder of what he had done. If he closed his eyes he could still see her face so distraught and drained as she sung her goodbye. And a goodbye it was, the song that continued to taunt him for ever since he heard his angel sing out her melancholy. The very one that he had placed there. So he tried drowning her voice in liquor. Maybe if he was too out of his wits to think he will finally forget how he had ruined the only good thing in his life.

There was no other way.

The hollow words that continued to reverberate in his mind did nothing to soothe the ache in his chest. So he looked at the sky. Trying desperately to seek some relief from the stars that always seemed to soothe her. They lulled her into a soothing embrace and yet they refused to let Michael in .As if even they knew he deserved every bit of the anguish.
He had made an angel cry.
The world spun around him as he closed his eyes . A tiny droplet sneaked out of the corner of his eyes travelling down his face . Treacherously belying his own emotions.He gritted his teeth feeling the cool air trace the wet path as if to soothe the burn in his eyes.
There was no other way. He couldn't drag her down he reminded herself. He couldn't clip her wings.
She had enough demons weighing her down ,his own would do her no good. But even as his brain reminded him of the words that Michael knew to be true his heart wouldn't agree. It reminded him of the many memories they had together. As one gripped him in a vice Michael let himself relive the day he saw the scars she kept buried deep
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He finally had enough.Michael stood looking over the many city lights.He had enough the rent this apartment to move out. He could be free.He closed his eyes against the wind. He couldn't wait to show it to Meghan. He knew she would love this view. It was breathtaking.It was the reason he had decided on this one. He felt his lips twitch imagining his reaction.
Stupid.
Today he is going to sign the lease . And it would be over. He would finally be free from his father. He had been saving upto this for so long that now that it was finally here he didn't know how to feel. He had pulled double shifts working as a mechanic . He managed his practices his grades all so that he could stand on his own feet. And now he was .The only thing that could possibly make it better was if she was here. Maybe he could finally ask her..... Before he could complete that thought he heard a throat  being cleared. "Well?"
The 'Real estate agent' and he was using the words lightly looked over at him impatiently.
"Do you have them?" Michael said turning towards the table.
"Yes they're right here."  he pointed to the counter where a stack of pages sat. He clicked open the pen and handed it too him. Michael took the pen from him and slowly went through the document. He was nearing the end when his phone rang. He was about to ignore the call when he saw the caller id. Meghan?
He looked at the time. She must have gotten home from work. He answered the call and was about to speak when he heard a gruff voice that surely did not belong to Meghan.
"Hello? Is this ..oh what was his name!Moris? Mike? Uh..i am calling for the girl, Meghan?"
Michael pushed off the counter all of the alarm bells going off inside his head.He assumed that the woman on  the phone was Martha
" Where is Meghan?" he asked trying to keep the panic he was feeling from showing in his voice
"She's right here. You need to come as soon as possible. she's having..a flashback or something. Won't talk just keeps shaking. Just..get here"
Before the woman had even stopped talking Michael was out of the door rushing towards his truck. He didn't look back as the agent called after him all he could hear was his own heartbeat pounding in his ears.
He had heard the concealed note of worry in Martha's voice and nothing scared him more than that. Everything from then to the moment he arrived at her house was a blur. He was operating on autopilot. He felt the need to rush , to move to do anything but stand still. Anxiety pulsed through his veins pushing him until he finally saw her lying on the floor curled onto herself ,shaking viciously a blank look in her eyes.Like she was looking but she didn't see . Like she was somewhere else.Somewhere deep in her nightmare.Silent tears dripped through her eyes and she kept murmuring inaudible things.

Everything stilled as he looked at her.

Michael had witnessed horror before he had seen pain.He was as familiar with it as he was with his own hands and yet... he hadn't seen anything like this.He tried to move but it was as if he was  rooted to the spot, chained to the floor unable to do anything but witness his angel come apart thread by thread. A hand landed on his forearm and he jerked .He saw Martha he heard her talking . Finally coming out of his stupor he rushed towards where meghan lay. He stopped a few feat away from her and then said in a soothing voice "Meghan" he approached her with caution. He didn't want to trigger any more horrors. Slowly he crawled up to her whispering to her soothingly.Asking her to come back to him. He gently took her hand and gently unclenched her fingers.Blood seeped out of her palm.
Her wild eyes flew to him but it was as if he wasn't even there.
"No!Don't-Don't touch me!"Meghan screamed, flinching away from Michael's desperate touch.Her eyes wide , her breathing fast and shallow, Meghan's whole body trembled in uncontrollable fear
"I am not going to hurt you"Michael said, gently taking her other hand and holding them firmly.Their eyes met. "Listen to me. You're safe. No one's going to hurt you . I am here now . No one's gonna hurt you. I won't let them"
Michael almost expected Meghan to yank her hand away in her panic. But she didn't. Instead she relaxed a little . Tears forming in her eyes she let out a breath
He whispered to her gently "Come back angel.You're safe.You're with me.You're no longer there.Come back"
.For a second he though he saw the panic recede and recognition enter her eyes.
"M-Mi-Michael?"she said her hands reaching for him.
"Yes i am here Meg."

He watched her eyes flutter rapidly before sliding close.She went limp and Michael was barely able to catch her as she fell backward.Pulling her in his arms Michael sat there for a second inhaling her scent reassuring himself that she was alright. He held her rocking back and forth as the panic in his own heart slowly receded.He looked up to find Martha staring at them.
"What happened" His voice was low and nearly unrecognisable to his own ears .
Martha sighed and moved to the table. She picked up a half burnt joint and brought it to her lips.
"I don't know " she said "She came home from work and then started shaking"she shrugged
"What are you smoking ?" Michael asked her
she exhaled out a puff of smoke "It's the good stuff" she said her voice hoarse "Gift from a ..friend.Want a hit ?"
Michael had heard enough.Ignoring her question He gathered Meghan in his arms and rose to his feet. Moving up the stairs he took her to her bedroom and laid her down.He sat at her bedside and waited for her to wake up.
She looked peaceful in her sleep.A serenity he was too afraid to touch for the fear of tarnishing it.

He didn't realise when he fell asleep only that when he woke up Meghan was sitting up on the bed staring out of her window.He sat by her side the whole night .He kept her panic away and she kept his rage at bay. Because Michael... he was hanging by a thread. He wanted to rage .Bring hell down on everyone who had caused her so much hurt that she flinched at the barest of unexpected touches. He held her close , too afraid that he'll lose her again to her nightmares if he lets go even for a second.

Together they searched for constellations out of her bedroom window that night and it was only then that he realised

For a star to be born there is one thing that must happen.A gaseous nebula must collapse. It must lose all form ,be reduced to pieces of itself before gravity can slowly begin to pull all the particles back together.

Collapse , crumble .
It never is one's destruction. It is the birth. And as he looked down at her with her eyes , which had seen and survived so much horror and still twinkled as bright as the celestial beings that she was so obsessed with, he knew that he never has nor will ever see a being made more strongly and exquisitely as her.
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Michael's head hung with the weight of the memory.The very next day he had taken her to the apartment he had chosen, given her the money he had saved and even now when their friendship lay in shambles he knew that if it meant seeing her smile he would do it all over again.

He stood on shaky legs . When he had first discovered this spot all he could think about was her. Secluded and serene it was a piece of heaven and now he wondered what he would do with heaven when the angel was no longer there.

He looked at the sky one last time before turning around .

Last summer, he had searched constellations with her.
This summer, he searched for her in them.

Yet all he found to be true in his heart was the realisation that he was the night sky and she was the brightest star. They were always together. They couldn't ever be one.