Anxiety - Kuroken

Chapter 11

Hey it's me again, how are ya 😉 inconsistent updates who?

Golden rays peaked through the blinds, washing the room in warmth and glow. Comforting. Kuroo's pillow; fluffy white and completely his taste. I sat up and felt the mess of covers slide down me. The air warm and still. Rummaging through my bag for socks (I forgot to unpack but it was early so hey, who can blame me), I found my favourite blue monster pair. Blue like the colour of my sadness, just as english taught me, yay.

I trudged downstairs.

Rounding into the sunlit kitchen, Kuroo's mom sat at the table sorting through bank statements, divorce papers and bills, I sat opposite and hoped I wasn't intruding.
"Can I speak to you please, miss?" I needed to do this, I couldn't go back home yet. We spoke for a while. Could I stay? I'll help out. I can buy my own food and whatnot. Kuroo even said he would help finance for an extra person. If everyone works then it shouldn't be too hard.

I was allowed to stay. She was so generous, agreeing to let me stay. I couldn't believe it at first, I get to stay!

Kuroo got a part time job apparently, he had an interview a few weeks ago and had recieved the confirmation email last night, he was due to start tomorrow. It was at a small convenience store around the corner, part time to facilitate his busy school life. And they do the best slushies imaginable. As well as the cakes being on offer quite often.

I figured I should get a job too, especially if I want to stay without feeling like a complete and total burden to Kuroo and his mom. Searching was easy; new apps and store and cafes everywhere hiring. This should be a breeze. Well...it would be a breeze for anyone who isn't me but I am me and that is a massive problem. I can't speak to people without almost crying.

It'd take a miracle to get me into a customer service role. The stares, shouting, complaints, dissapointed comments. It's just not something I could do.

Kuroo's mom suggested therapy when I spoke to her about it. Wow no how bout we don't do that. Therapy involves talking to people and we all know that song and dance, it won't work and I'll just end up worse. I let her book me an appointment anyway as she is my new mom and she only has the best intentions in mind, she must do, look how good of a person Kuroo turned out to be. An angel.

My angel who said he would hold my hand all the way to the office and make sure that nothing would go wrong and he was right, it went fine and I feel good. Lighter. I told him how the therapist said that my mother would have been making my anxiety worse and that I wasn't faking or seeking attention.

I wasn't seeking attention.

I dunno I'm not sure where this is going anymore 😂 it started it when I was 15 and I'm 18 this year so its definitely not going where it was supposed to.