A Boy Named Conan

The babies make their arrival

After a long 7 hours of PAINFUL contractions, which does make the 7 hours feel like A lot more, My cervix is completely dilated. It's time to start pushing. I feel very anxious but excited. Because it means I can soon FINALLY meet our babies! The first 5 minutes of pushing, it is not too painful. It feels a lot like a piercing, sharp, tight pain. I know that this is the part where my body is just starting to help encourage the baby. Help forcibly push it out. I know this because I had the nurse walk me through the stages of birth, so I know what to expect. The baby is obviously way bigger than my cervix and uterus. So it takes quite a Bit of time to even get the head to poke through. I think that was the pain of only one of the babies. Because I feel a much more sharp, intense pain. So I'm thinking that the second baby was being shoved through the cervix, before the first baby even got through. I scream from the pain. Conan rushes to the bedside, and sits on the bed with me. He squeezed my hand tight and says, "you've got this babe! I know you do!" I breathe hard, in and out. My best friend shows up! When I have to help the baby come through again, In order to help keep me calm, I look at the Cardinal, and hold on to the baby blanket. I expand my stomach, trying to get through the pain, and scrunch up my entire face, as I push my body forward. The pain across my stomach and intestines gets progressively worse. I begin to sob, and scream at the top of my lungs. "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS! IT HURTS SO BAD I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA THROW UP! I DON'T WANNA PUSH!" Conan tells me, "squeeze my hand as hard as you can! I don't care if you SHATTER the bones in my hand. Whatever helps." I laugh as I sob, but take it very seriously. "AHH! Besides, remember babe, you did say on your way in here, that you can't just not give birth after all this time. You are a STRONG woman! The strongest one I know! You've got this!" Then he plays very motivational songs. Like, hard rock. The intense beats and loudness really motivates me. 10 minutes later, it gets worse. I sob so uncontrollably. Conan keeps talking to me, sweetly, and encouraging me. "Also remember, you said everything is worth it in the end. Think about finally meeting our precious miracles! You can DO this babe!" Again, the pain comes faster, and more painful. Conan makes me laugh SO loud and for a long time through the pain, because as I Squeezed his hand harder he yelled "EPIDURAL!" "you alright babe?" I ask, kinda concerned. But I also start chuckling a little bit. "Yeah! I'm just perfectly fine, babe!" He says, with a cracked voice. I laugh through the pain for a whole 10 minutes. I say, "You know, I've been wanting to request it. Clearly I am strong! The strongest you know! Because YOU asked for Epidural before I Did! And I can get through this. Honestly it sounds worse to have a needle stuck in my spine anyways. Besides, it does feel incredible to be experiencing EVERY moment, every movement of this. Epidural numbs it. And besides, I've come THIS far without it. So I might as well power through it." The nurse says, "that's right! I like that attitude! You're already making lots of progress! I'd say you're close to meeting your babies!" "I sure hope so!" I say, feeling so tired. I'm so tired to the point my voice is weak. Conan checks his phone. It is currently 10:45 in the morning. "You've GOT THIS GIRLFRIEND!" My best friend cheers loudly. I smile. As the pain worsens yet again, I start shaking. I tremble intensely. I motivate myself by saying, "The more I push, the sooner I will meet my babies! They can't be delivered if Just my insides are pushing. I have to work to with my insides. I turn my head sideways, and breathe in and out fast but in short breaths. Then one BIG breath out, in the last push. For a minute anyways. I cherish that moment, and every break from pushing. I breathe normally and I start having Conan change the song from hard rock to slow, relaxing songs. Just for those 1 minute breaks, then back to the intense motivating music. He does that repeatedly until I make my last push for the daughter. The daughter was born at 11:15 A.M. On November 15th. Then, the nurse sees the head of our son. "Okay, just a couple more minutes of pushing. You can do this!" I push and push and push. Finally, he pops out, 5 minutes later. The nurse says, "You did a great job! You are a REAL Champion! You are the first who Wanted Epidural but didn't actually ask for it! Just so you know." She says. She walks over to the sink with the babies to wash them off. I watch and sob in relief. "I Did it!" I shout, with my voice trembling. Conan starts tearing up. "Yes you did! I'm SO beyond proud of you! I knew you could do it!" I look around my entire hospital room, looking at my parents, my sister, my best friend. I told My best friend, "I'm really glad you got to be here for the birth of my child. You're like a sister to me! And I'd love for you to be their aunt!" "Thank you to all 5 of you for being here, encouraging me, and experiencing this beautiful moment! I appreciate it and I love you all!" I look over at Conan. "And I'm sorry if I broke your hand." "That's okay. Any amount of pain I go through, will be worth it if you're causing it for a reason you are suffering. Because if you're going through horrible, unimaginable pain, I wanna go through pain too, so you don't have to go through it alone. I love you." I tear up and say, "you are just the absolute Sweetest! And I love you so much more!" I say back.
"So have you decided on names yet?" The nurse asks, as she places them in my arms. "We haven't found out a name for our boy. But I know for a fact, I'm naming our beautiful Daughter Luna Mae. After my beloved Grandma who passed away at the beginning of last year. Her first name wasn't Luna, but she was my moon, and that's another name for it. Her middle name was Mae though. I couldn't think of a better way to honor the one of the most Important people in my life." I say, tearing up. I tell the whole story of all the signs, and how I guarantee it is a sign from her. "I mean, see that Cardinal right there? It's been sitting on that window ledge ever since a few minutes after I got to the room last night. It makes me emotional. Because I had always wished she would be here for the birth of my baby. I think this is her way of being here!" I say, choking up through tears. Conan rubs my back gently. "I'm very sorry for your loss. I know how hard it can be. But I am so touched to hear all of this!" She says, tearing up too now. I turn up the volume of The Golden Girls, and relax. "Ohhh my god I can't believe I got through that. HOO!" Then I lean my head back, to rest against the pillow, and say, "I'm hungry." "What do you want?" Conan asks. "I want you to stay here. Mom? Could you go get some Subway and Wendy's? I want a Steak wrap, on a tomato tortilla wrap, and Provolone cheese. From Wendy's I would like a chocolate frosty." "Sure! Whatever you want." "Thank you!" My mom gets up and Conan says, "wait!" And pulls out his wallet. "Take my Wallet. I wanna be the one to make sure she is fed. I want to be responsible for her eating. Please use my money." "Well, then take my money too!"  I say to my mom, so he can get something.  "Conan, what do you want?"  I ask.  "Aww, That's sweet of you.  I would like a 10 piece chicken nugget, and Fries.  Also a coke."  He says.  "She takes the money and says, "you are such an incredible man. SO good to her, and so supportive and caring." "Yeah, she's very important to me. The most important woman in my life. And it's not one way. She also cares about me. She makes sure she pays for me. Just to make me know she cares that I eat. She also wants to be responsible for me eating." He says back to my mom. "Well I'm glad! That means I raised a good daughter." She says, smiling. Then she leaves to get the food.
We decide to exchange gifts. I give him the ones from me. He opens it fast, and says, "AWWW! This is so CUTE! He says for the first 3. Then he sees the one that says, "MANIAC in the making," and he laughs, and he says "I love it! I love that you give references to my music!" He then hugs me and gives me mine. 2 onesies, and a T-Shirt for me. They all say "Daddy's Rat Pack". "THIS IS SO COOL! Do you want to dress them in this? Want this to be their first outfit? And I can get mine on?" "YEAH! Of course! That would be so cool!" "With the nurses permission first of course. I don't know if I can get out of my gown or not." So we ask. "Yeah, that's totally fine." She says. "Okay awesome." I say, and request my sweatpants and put on the Shirt, and Conan and I put the shirts on the babies. I request the nurse to take a picture of him and his "Rat Pack". So we pose together. Conan holds our son, and I hold Luna. All three of our shirts are visible to the camera. The nurse shows us. "SUCH a beautiful picture!" I say. I close my eyes and say in my head to Gaga, "Thank you so much for giving me such a beautiful gift on YOUR birthday! Happy Birthday By the way, Gaga! I love you forever with my whole entire heart!" A tear started slowly falling. Then a few more. I then continue saying, "I miss you So much! But I'm thankful that you're gonna be close to our daughter. It helps me feel better."