A Boy Named Conan

Going back home. 😌

       It's been a week since I've been admitted to the hospital.  And I am finally healed!  The nurse came into our room at 9:30 at night, and told us we were all good to go!  They had seen my sides were completely fine, normal skin color.  As well as the rest of my body.  "Okay! You are all good to go home!"  The nurse says, smiling.  "Yayyyyy!"  I cheer.  "Do you feel better now, Conan?"  I ask.  "Yeah, I feel ALL better, now that I know you are cured!  Thank you so much doctor, for giving  her the best care!  You have no idea how much I appreciate this!  You really eased the fears!  I may not have shown it very well, but you really truly did help me feel better."  Conan says.  "Yeah, of course!  I'm so sorry you had to go through this.  And I'm happy to have helped in any way that I could.  And I can understand the tears and all that.  Because it's very hard seeing the one you love in pain, or sick, or if anything is wrong with them.  I'm glad I was able to help even a little.  You guys have a great night, and a great week!"  The nurse says.  "Thank you, you too!"  We both say.  And then Conan packs the bag for me.  Once the bag is packed, he helps get me out of the bed, and I hold his hand as we go check out.  We get out to the car, and head to my moms house to get the babies.  I call her on the way.  "Hey mom!  We're going to be there at your house soon!  We just got discharged from the hospital.  Thank GOD!  Oh, I'm so excited to see my babies, and be home in my own bed!  I missed my bed, and I missed my babies."  I say, tearing up.  "Ohh, I'm so happy you're going home!  Not because you can take the babies back.  Lol.  I've enjoyed every minute of being with them!  And I'll miss them the second they're gone.  But I'm glad because it means you are healthy.  And that makes me very happy.  And thanks for all the calls you've given me every day to give updates.  I can now destress completely.  It's hard, a mom always worries about her baby.  No matter how old.  And I'm happy you get to reunite with your babies for the first time in a week.  And I think they've missed you too."  My mom says.  "Yeah, I'm glad you got to spend a whole week with them.  And yeah, mom, I would never just let you worry, and not give you updates.  And I know, mom.  And same happens to me when you are sick.  I get worried about you.  I'm very glad too that I get to see the babies again.  I'm assuming you went shopping for them for food and all that, since I didn't provide enough supplies.  "Yeah, I bought bananas, mashed peas, and other stuff.  And also, I bought more clothes for them.  Lots.  Because you know, I know as well as you, babies pee, poop, puke, and all that many times a day sometimes.  Or I might have just used that as an excuse to spoil the grandkids."  My mom admitted.  I chuckle a little bit.  "Hahah, good.  That's fine!  It most likely was an excuse.  And I am not complaining about it.  It's fun for grandmas to spoil their grand babies."  I say.  "I got them SO much clothes!  And I'm glad you don't mind.  Sometimes it can be annoying for moms, if you already have so much baby clothes.  But yeah, I made sure they ate well, and Bathed them each night.  And put them to bed at a good time.  I did all the important things babies need, for basic care."  Mom says.  "That's good!  And yeah I get it.  But I would never be mad.  I should go to the store and go to the baby section soon honestly.  It's so FUN shopping for baby clothes.  Just thinking of it makes me smile.  We do have lots of clothes for them.  But also, we have them in dressers, and We still have a whole two rods/racks for baby clothes.  I have one rod that has about 10 shirts/shorts maybe in it.  So feel free to go crazy on baby clothes.  Also thanks so much for taking great care of my babies.  I knew you would.  But still, it's appreciated."  I say.  "Okay, my dear!  Anytime I go out, if I feel like it, I'll buy more.  Besides, eventually they will outgrow the clothes they have now.  So you won't have it forever. And yeah honey, it's no problem to take care of them." My mom says. "Yeah, that's true! So yeah, definitely! I will encourage you to buy more clothes. And I know it's no problem. Like I said though the first time you came to take the babies for the day, it's like, I feel like a mom should retire from all the diaper changing and bathing and all that, once their kid is grown. Not retire for a bit, then take care of the grandkids. I know you don't feel that way though, and for the day, Is great! I just feel bad you've had to take care of them all day and all night for an entire week! It must be exhausting!" I say. "Okay, I might go baby clothes shopping once a month then! And don't worry about it. It's so sweet of you to think I need to retire from taking care of kids. But I'm happy to do it. And it's not like you willingly handed them over for a week. You had to stay in the hospital! So that was beyond your control. So don't feel bad about it. Please." My mom says. "Alright, I won't feel bad about it. Again, I really appreciate the help." I say. "Okay good. No reason for you to feel bad. And I'm always happy to help." She says. "Okay, well I'll see you soon. Only for a few minutes though. Because I am SO exhausted and I can not wait to get home and go to bed." I say. "Oh yeah, I bet! I'll see you in a bit." My mom says, I say "I love you." She says "I love you too." And I hang up. "I'm so excited to see the babies, and to finally be home again." I say. "I know baby. I look forward to it too! It will feel so good." Conan says. "Yeah it absolutely will! And I can't wait to hold my babies in my arms again tomorrow. It's been a week! But tonight, I want to go to bed as soon as we get home." I say. "I'll be right behind you, going to bed." Conan says. "Yayyyy! Cuddles in our own bed!" I say, smiling. "Yeah babe! Everything seems so much nicer in our actual bed. Or even in Ashley's guest bedroom, that was comfy. But not so much in a hospital bed. That's not comfortable at all!" Conan says. 5 minutes Later, we arrive at my parents house. "Hi!" My grandma says, hugging me. "Hi mom. How are you?" "Well I'm doing a lot better now that you're out of the hospital, as healthy as ever. I really was worried about you." She says.  "I know you were.  I'm sorry you had to go through that fear."  I say.  "That's okay.  As I said, every mom worries about their child.  No matter if they're 45 years old.  And how are you guys?"  She asks.  "We're doing okay.  Not the best, could be better,  but also could be much worse.  So we'll take it!  The past 2 weeks have been very rough.  Especially this past week.  He was nervous about me because of the orange discoloration.  Then when we went to the hospital, he sobbed as we waited in the waiting room.  Then oh my god, it was so much worse when I went for testing.  To see exactly what was wrong.  They made Conan stay in the hospital room.  So I requested a nurse to stay with him.  I mean he was screaming and crying.  So I wanted him to not be alone.  I was worried about him.  And I felt so heartbroken for him.  And then when we figured out what it was, and how bad it was, he blamed himself.  And we had a whole conversation.  Honestly we had a few long conversations two or 3 different times this week.  We worked it all out.  The things he said he felt and the reasons.  Ugh, nobody should Ever feel the way he did.  And he's become depressed which made me feel like I was failing, cause he was cured of depression when he met me.  Until this happened.  So I told him how I should always make him not be depressed.  I should be able to prevent it.  And we just worked out a lot of feelings.  And we're all good now.  Especially now that I'm healthy."  I say.  "Well I'm sorry you two went through so much, the past two weeks.  At least everything is better now.  Emotionally and physically.  And I'm glad you got to talk it all out.  That's important in relationships.  And yeah, it's hard seeing a loved one feel that upset.  I can only imagine the heart break of hearing your screaming crying boyfriend, because he doesn't want to be apart from you.  Because yeah, it's scary!  Of course he doesn't want to leave you alone.  Especially in times like this.  He wants to be by your side, supporting and comforting you, and maybe receiving some comfort himself as well."  My mom says.  Conan then says "Yeah, I kept thinking "well what if it's too late, and she doesn't make it?  What if she dies in this hospital as she gets a test done.  I knew the likelihood of that is very low.  But it's hard because I love her!  And I don't know how I could ever live without her!  Her and I talked about that as well, and how she understands.  When a loved one is sick or hurt, especially badly, you know for many people, their fate is the loss of a loved one.  And it's hard to not put yourself in someone else's shoes about that.  You think of how you would feel."  "Oh yeah, I've been through that before.  And you feel ridiculous because it's like 'why would I make myself sad like that?  I know it most likely won't happen.'  But you just can't help it.  It sucks.  I've gone through those thoughts with my husband.  Whenever he'd end up in the hospital."  My mom says, letting him know it's a very natural thing.  "Yeah, and then I would think "well if it does happen, it's my fault.  I should have taken her when I thought I should to begin with, I had a gut feeling, but I shut it down once you and her told me it was fine.  Because I thought maybe the gut feeling was because I had never experienced someone having orange skin.  So I trusted that she was okay."  Conan says, starting to get upset again just thinking about it.  I rub his shoulders, as I stand next to him.  "It's okay baby.  Maybe we need to not talk about that.  You're getting yourself upset again.  No need for that.  You've had too much sadness and tears in the past 2 weeks.  It's over now.  So let's just be happy.  Leave this hospital trip behind."  I say.  But before he finishes the topic, he says "Oh Yeah!  And I'm gonna have to sue this one hospital.  They just examined her body.  The external part.  They didn't do X rays or anything to look at her liver, like the hospital we've been at for the past week did.  Which is exactly why we've spent the past week at that hospital.  Because they actually did tests, and then once they figured it out, they came up with a treatment plan, and didn't let us leave until they knew she was completely better.  Based on the skin color being back to normal skin tone.  So I am going to sue the other hospital.  And that will go towards the hospital bill for this week.  Whenever we get that in the mail."  Conan says.  "That's horrible!  In fact I will go into court with you, and sue them as well!  And you can have that money to also pay for the bill.  Cause you know it's gonna be expensive.  I don't know if in the court, if that will work.  I don't know if two different people can sue a place because it's the same case.  But I will try.  They should.  Because they deserve to be sued!  For not taking care of my daughter, and your Fiancé!"  My mom says.  "I'm sure it will work.  Besides, it might be the same case, yeah.  But you want to sue them because it's your daughter, and my fiancé so I want to sue them.  We both have a reason, due to the different relationships between her, and us."  Conan says.  "Yeah, we'll do it together."  My mom tells  Conan.  "That's so awesome, mom!  That will help pay For the weeks hospital bill.  And it will probably come in the mail when the taxes and utility bills and water bills, electrical bills and all that come in.  So we should get to the court ASAP."  I say.  "Don't worry babe, I'll call tonight.  Have them schedule a day."  Conan says.  "Sweetie, They're not open at night.  I believe they open at 11:00 tomorrow morning though.  And even if they were open, I want you to go to bed when we get home.  We both need sleep.  And we both need cuddles."  I say.  "Okay, baby.  Even if they were open now, upon request, I'd wait until tomorrow anyways.  Because you want me to get sleep."  Conan says.  "Good, thank you baby.  I worry about you.  You've had a rough two weeks, emotionally and physically exhausting.  You need it as much as me, but I still would be worried if you stay up trying to get an appointment set up for court.  I think we should go home now.  It's already 10:30.  Let's get the bag, and the babies in the car and let's go."  I say.  "Okay, baby.  Good idea.  I didn't realize what time it was."  Conan says.  "Neither did I baby, then I just looked at the time."  I say.  So my mom picks up Luna, and I pick up Conan Jr.  He kinda hugged me, in the best way he could, considering he's not even 2 months old.  It melts my heart.  Luna was crying when my mom was holding her.  Then My mom takes Conan Jr.  so I could take Luna.  She figured that way I don't have full hands.  But then he started crying.  "Aww, give him to me.  I'll just carry them both."  I say.  He "hugged" even tighter.  "Awww!  You guys are melting my heart!"  I say.  Conan wanted to carry the bag of clothes, diapers, food, etc.  As soon as we got to the car, my mom held Conan Jr. as I got Luna buckled into her car seat.  He was again, crying.  "Ohhhh, baby.... I know..  I have to buckle your sister up.  I can't hold you at the same time.  I'm sorry!  Hold on."  I say to Conan Jr.  Conan takes Conan Jr. from my moms arms, to get him in his car seat.  He was still crying.  "Aww, you're gonna cry when even your own daddy picks you up?"  Conan asks.  "Aww.... I'm sure he missed you too,  just, for some reason, they both want me to hold and carry them."  I say.  Then Conan asks "Do you want to sit in the back with them?  I think they would love that."  Conan says.  "Yeah, I think they would love that.  And I would too."  I say.  So I get in the back seat, in the middle, between the babies.  We pull out of the driveway.  Conan Jr. keeps crying, and then I wipe away his tears and he starts to smile.  Just feeling my touch, and knowing I am there.  "You missed me?  Well I missed you too!  Both of you.  Mommy loves you both SO much!"  I say.  I rub their cheeks with my thumbs, and Luna and Conan Jr. both smile now.  Which makes me smile.  A few minutes later, they are asleep.  About 15 minutes after that, we arrive home.  We unbuckle the Babies.  I didn't want them to cry again.  Conan Jr. actually did real quick when Conan and I were unbuckling them.  Conan picked Conan Jr. up, and carried him over by me, and he was crying and drooling, and he kinda screamed.  "Apparently I'm not fast enough at Unbuckling Luna."  I say.  So I say  "Can you unbuckle her?  Give Conan Jr. to me.  He is very upset.  He's so upset when I don't hold him."  So Conan hands him to me, and I wrap an arm around him, by his shoulder, and rub.  I say "Shhhhh..... Shhhhhh... Calm down.  The neighbors are sleeping.  It's too late to scream.  It's okay.  I've got you."  Conan squeezes his eyes shut, and kinda bites down on my shoulder.  Which is good because it kind of silences the screaming a lot.  I rub his head soothingly.  Luna is calm now.  So Conan carries her in.  No problems.  No crying.  Conan unlocks the door, and Conan grabs the bags, while I tuck the babies in to go to sleep for the night.   I tuck them in all nice and snug.  I turn on the calming dream light.  Conan Jr. continued to SCREAM cry at the top of his lungs.  I start to cry because I feel so bad, and I don't know what to do or what he's crying about.  Conan comes in the room.  "I think he should sleep with us tonight.  If he's gonna cry like this, it will disturb Luna.  And I wanna keep an eye on him.  It might help him sleep if he's with us."  I say.  "Okay, we can absolutely take him to our room for the night."  Conan says.  So Conan grabs the Bassinet, and his security blanket.  I place him down gently in there and tuck him in again.  I sit there on the ground, leaning towards the bassinet, and trying to talk to him.  "It's okay baby, you're gonna sleep in our room tonight.  Just calm down.  I'm right here."  I say.  I rub his belly and his head.  I rub him all around, trying to soothe him.  It just can't seem to work.  I sob.  "Please, stop crying."  I say.  Conan then comforts me.  He rubs my shoulders.  "Hey, hey, baby don't cry.  That's gonna make me cry.  We don't want 3 crying babies."  Conan whispers.  I fold my body to my knees, and bury my head into my arms.  Conan hugs me from the side, and I then lean into Conan's chest, soaking his shirt.  I gasp for air.  "I just hate that he's crying and there's nothing I can do to help!  Somethings wrong, and all I want to do is stop him from crying!  As a mother, that's all I want to do!  Not so I can sleep.  But so I can be satisfied and happy knowing I calmed my baby down!"  I say.  "I know, I know.  It's hard!  But you're doing your best.  Sometimes they're just gonna cry."  Conan says.  That helps me feel a bit better." I sniffle and ease my breathing.  "Yeah, I guess you're right.  That helps.  Thank you.  Could you maybe try to sing to him?"  I ask.  "Of course!  I don't like to see you so upset.  So I will do or say anything I can to make you feel better, and yeah, I'll try."  Conan says.  "Thank you!  I hope your singing can calm him down."  I say.  So Conan starts singing one of his songs.  It doesn't work.  I start having a complete breakdown.  But I don't scream or anything.  I try to not let Conan Jr. know it's upsetting me.  It's not his fault.  And I don't want to upset him more.  He screams and cries for another hour and a half, and he finally falls asleep.  I sigh of relief.  "Oh thank God!  I thought it was gonna be all night!"  I say.  I go crawl into bed, completely worn out.  "Please come cuddle."  I say to Conan.  "I know baby,  I'm coming to bed right now."  He says.  He crawls in too, and wraps his arms securely around me.  We don't talk or anything.  We fall asleep within minutes it feels like.