A Boy Named Conan

Conan has a rough day.

I woke up to see Conan, already awake. He was visibly upset. Not to the point of tears. He just wasn't smiling, and just seemed off. "Good Morning, are You okay baby?" I ask in a caring tone. "I don't know. I feel just, off. I don't feel right emotionally. I'm just upset, and I don't even know why! I must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Conan says. I run my hands in circles against his shoulder blade. "Aww, I'm sorry baby. I hope you feel better." I say sweetly, and showing sympathy in my voice. I give him a quick kiss on the lips. "It's not your fault, and Thank you." I chuckle. "I know it's not my fault. By 'I'm sorry', I mean I'm sorry that you have to go through this." "You're so sweet. I love you." He says, with a weak smile.
"I love you too, baby." I say, also smiling weakly because I feel bad for him. I continue rubbing his shoulders in circles. Then I pull him into me. He kinda sounds irritated when I do that. "I'm sorry, I don't want cuddles right now. I just want to sit here." Conan says. "Oh, okay. That's alright." I say. "You sound upset." Conan says. "It's fine. I just thought it would help cheer you up. It usually does." I explain. "Oh, yeah. Normally it always helps. And I'm sure it would. But for some reason I'm REALLY not in the mood." Conan says.  "Okay, it's fine.  I get that."  I say.  And so we sit there, on our own sides of the bed.  A few minutes later his eyes well up in tears, and he just lets them flow.  "Conan, what's wrong?"  I ask.  I'm heartbroken to see him cry.  "I'M SO SORRY I REJECTED CUDDLES FROM YOU!  YOU WERE ONLY TRYING TO HELP!"  He says, just sobbing.  "Aww, hey baby, don't let that get to you.  It's seriously okay."  "I know that now, but you were upset at first.  I hate that I upset you."  He says.  "Only because I know that cuddles usually HELP you!  So I was shocked when you got irritated and rejected my cuddles.  But I understand not being in the mood.  So now I understand you're just not in the mood, it's okay.  I'm not upset.  Besides, let's just focus on you right now."  I say.  "But it's so hard to not feel bad for hurting your feelings!"  Conan says.  "Conan, it's okay.  Why make yourself more sad when it's not necessary?  Anything is gonna try to make your day worse.  Try not to let it."  I say, in a soft voice.  "You're right. That's a good point. If I can control anything from upsetting me, I should." Conan agrees. "Exactly." I say. We just laid there and he was just kinda mopey. I rub his back, in circles, to soothe him.
The babies start crying, so I go check on them. I bring them in mine and Conan's room, so We could watch them and socialize with them. When I get back in the room
Conan is Crying again. "Ohh, honey, what's wrong now? Any particular reason you're upset?" "People just started a trend, to try and cancel me. Some Jerk had nothing better to do with their life than go through my old tweets back from 2008 They're saying how I Am sexist! Because I tweeted saying something involving the word Whore. It was something a friend and I in middle school said." Conan says. He starts to cry a little harder. "THAT'S HORRIBLE! I hate when they do that to ANYONE! But especially when people say that to you! You're such an angel! The sweetest. You of all people don't deserve it!" I say. And now that the babies needs have been taken care of, I sit down on the bed, and again, rub his back in circles. I pull him in for a tight, side hug. "It's gonna be okay, Conan." I assure him. I have an arm against his back, as I use my other arm to type on my phone. I hop on twitter and defend him right Away. I commented on the tweet that started the whole trend. "My baby is not at ALL a Sexist! It was a joke between him and his friends ever since he was in middle School. And do y'all have NOTHING better to do than go through his old tweets to try and start cancel culture? People call each other whores nowadays! And not just anyone. Their best friends, because it's not meant to be offensive, if they are friends. Quit being such snowflakes!" I say, Completely going off. They instantly replied: "LEAVE! We didn't want you! Or your unwanted opinions! Are you stupid? This is CANCEL CULTURE! Not defending loved ones culture!" Conan saw the tweet, because that notification showed up on my phone and his phone. He completely loses it. He full on sobs again, and screams. Before he screams though, he says urgently, "get the babies out of the room. Take them to their cribs and play my soothing songs. That way it can drown out my screams. Because I NEED to scream!" Conan says. "Okay, Come on babies." I say, as I pick them up. I quickly get the music playing, and get the babies in their cribs. I get back in the room, so he knows They shouldn't be able to hear him scream. He screams At the very top of his lungs, and tears flow so hard and fast. He rage types. He is so furious! "Baby, baby, that's what they want. They want you to pay attention to them. They want you to reply. It's sad." I say. "I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE SO MUCH WHEN IT'S ABOUT ME! But once it's about YOU, THAT'S IT! THAT DRAWS THE LINE! I mean, the tweet about the whore thing wasn't about you obviously. But I HATE that they DISRESPECTED YOU LIKE THAT!!! I'M GONNA GIVE THEM A PIECE OF MY MIND!" Conan yells. "But Conan, If you do that, they'll know just what to do to get your attention for something negative." I say. He grinds his teeth. Not because of what I said. But because of what they said. "LIKE I SAID, I DON'T CARE! YOU Don't DESERVE TO BE DISRESPECTED! AND TELLING THEM OFF WILL HELP ME LET OUT STEAM! I NEED TO RANT!" Conan says. I just sigh, because I don't want to argue. And I see where he's coming from. He makes a good point. "Alright, I do see you have a good point. I hate the idea of you doing this, cause it's what they want. And it's gonna encourage it kinda. But also, I will support this if you feel it is necessary to help you. It could be therapeutic." I say. "Good, I see where you're coming from as well. Like yeah, it's what they want. And it probably will encourage more situations like this. But I appreciate that you will support me if you know it will help me I think. Besides, I can always block people in the future." Conan says. "That's true. And yeah, and I don't want to argue with you. If you wanna do something, you're gonna do it. No matter what I think." "I appreciate you understanding, and not wanting to argue with me. There's no sense in arguing. I'm gonna feel how I feel, and like you said, no matter what you think, or how much you try to convince me otherwise, I'm gonna do what I think is best. Even if I have a feeling you're right." Conan says. I start crying too. The tears make my eyes kind of pulse. Then they fall as I blink. "I'm so sad you have to go through this! You don't deserve this!" I say. Conan smiles weakly, still crying, and says "It's okay baby. Like you told me, it's gonna be okay." He says. I hug him so tight. He sends the tweet. In his tweet, he says "YOU DON'T GET TO DISRESPECT MY GIRLFRIEND!! ME? FINE! BUT KATIE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING!!! BY DEFENDING ME! AND SHE KNEW YOU DIDN'T WANT HER ATTENTION!!!! BUT SHE LOVES ME! AND I LOVE HER! SO LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE! AND YEAH, THE WHORE THING, IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE! I GUARANTEE IF I SAID IT TODAY NOBODY WOULD SAY A WORD! AND I REALLY HATE THAT YOU MADE MY GIRLFRIEND FEEL UNWANTED!!! WHEN PEOPLE MISTREAT MY GIRL, THAT TOUCHES A SENSITIVE NERVE!" "Good to know, Conan! Now I know how to get your attention when I'm craving some attention. I'll just talk crap about her!" The person replies. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE AN ASS?" Conan replies again. "You keep coming up in my notifications don't you? I can't get your attention for things I want you to see, like stuff I love!" The person replies. "WELL I DO NOTICE PEOPLE SOMETIMES! AND IT WOULD BE MORE EXCITING IF I RANDOMLY SAW SOMETHING COOL! NOT BECAUSE YOU KNEW YOU'D MAKE ME MAD, SO I'D REPLY! I CAN'T IMAGINE BEING THAT DESPERATE FOR A NOTICE!" He hits send. And then he throws his phone aggressively, and he crawls into my arm and curls up, with his knees to his stomach. "I'm in the Worst mood EVER, but I REALLY need cuddles now." Conan says. "Okay, baby. Come here." I say, in a soft tone of voice. I put an arm around his back and stomach. He soaked my shirt in his tears. I gently rub his hair, to hopefully soothe him. My soft, gentle touch is usually enough. His back moves up and down really fast because his breath is a bit shaky. "I'm so sorry baby. You don't deserve anything that's going on." I say. "Yeah, I mean, people are always gonna talk crap about me. But as soon as they disrespect you, it hurts my soul more than anything else ever could! I'd like to just say I could ignore all hate. Because like, today, I showed my weak spot. I exposed my weak spot to that one jerk. I'm not quite proud of that. Because like you said, they WANTED me to reply. I became weak, emotionally. So I thought telling them how upset it made me, Would help me feel better. It doesn't make me feel worse, necessarily. Just, like, ashamed that I showed them my weak spot. I can't believe I did that. Now anytime someone wants attention, they'll go after you with some rude tweet. Ugh! I should have listened to you. Now I'm gonna always be heartbroken to the extreme. I'm gonna be angry to the extreme. I made it worse. I just don't know how I could ignore hate that's put towards you!" Conan says. "I'm sorry, would it have been better if I had argued and convinced you not to tell them off? And I know baby, but you know what? We're gonna go through that together, every single time. I will be here to comfort you every single time. I will not leave your side." I say. "First of all, No. I still would have told them off and showed them how it affected me. That's the thing. Sometimes things are regretted eventually. Later, after it happens. This is one of those times. See, because I KNEW you were right. I knew I shouldn't do it, for all the reasons you mentioned. But still, in the moment, I was so upset that I felt it would be best in the moment. I knew in the long run it wouldn't be great. And that I'd regret it. But I needed to talk in the Moment, so I did not care about the after affect. And, I know. I appreciate that you'll always be here for me, with me. And Of course you know I will be here for you for everything. I love you endlessly." Conan says. "Okay. Good, because I'd feel bad if this could have been prevented if I had just kept arguing to convince you to not do that. And I know, sweetie. I'm lucky to have you. To care for, and to have to take care of me. I love you too." I say.  "Yeah, and I'm even more grateful.  All the abuse I went through as a child, Made me depressed, ever since I was 10 years old, and it carried on into my adult life.  I have my moments.  And days where I am not only having an off day, but where I am full on depressed.  So I really need you.  At least you don't get depressed.  You Just have off days.  I need you more than you need me, I can promise you that.  I don't care if you say it's true.  Because I am saying I need you more than you need me.  By the way, I love you more!"  Conan says.  "That's true.  And I'm happy to love you through all your bad days, in addition to the good days.  And I love you most!"  I say, smiling.  "Aww, you melt my heart.  I could cry!  Just, hearing you say about loving me through my bad days, It's so sweet, so touching!  I literally don't know where I'd be especially mentally, or what I'd do without you.  And I love you to infinity."  Conan says.  "That's what true love is like.  You love one another when you're the least lovable.  But even at your least lovable, I don't think of you as much less lovable.  And besides, on the bad days, you need more love than usual.  And I'm glad to be the one to provide you with that extra love.  And I love you to infinity and back."  I say.  "I love you more than I could even explain.  Not many people could take on a guy like me, with my level of depression."  "Well, how do you know other people can't handle it?"  I ask.  "Because, I've had so many crushes on people, and they say they like me back, until I open up to them about my depressing past, and everything I'm dealing with due to that childhood.  Then they just disappear from my life."  Conan says.  "Well that's awful.  But I guess, if they had dated you and were willing to deal with you and your flaws and depression, we wouldn't have ended up together."  "Yeah, and you were worth all the people who rejected me.  You have given me everything I needed and more.  Also, we should probably get the babies.  I really don't want to abandon them, by not interacting with them."  Conan says.  "Okay, I agree.  They haven't cried though, so that's good.  It means they Didn't hear you scream, and they are not in need of anything yet."  I say.  "Okay, let's go."  Conan says.  We get up and go to the baby nursery.  We pick up the babies and relocate them, back into Mine and Conan's room.  "Here we go.  They're in the room with us now."  I say.   Conan and I continue to cuddle for a half hour.  Then the babies cry for food.  So I bring out my nipple, and let the babies suck on it.  "Hey, can I get a little bit of action there?"  Conan grins.  "Oooh!  You wanna make love to me, again?  And add that?"  I ask, very intrigued.  "Yeah!  I'd love that!"  Conan says, smiling wide.  He's so excited about it.  Lol.  "Alright!  So we'll make love tonight!"  I say. 
      His day is getting better.  Especially now that I said we could make love tonight.  Yay!  I'm excited!  He's gonna try something new!  "Oh, so if only I had known earlier that the secret to your pure happiness is Making love with each other, I would have told you earlier."  I say, laughing.  Conan giggles and says "I don't even think I was in the mood earlier.  But then I saw you bring out the nips, and I couldn't help but want it!"  Conan says.  "Well, it's better late than never to see you smile!"  I say.  We get down on the floor and interact with the babies.  We shake a rattle, tickle them, and we just interacted a lot, we just made sure to spend time With them.  Conan even recorded some of it.   Throughout the day, the babies needed multiple diaper changes, and ate a couple times.  Now it is their bedtime. 
     "Alright, time to put them to bed.  And to have fun in our own bed."  I say, smirking.  "Alright!  It's about time!  Just kidding, I enjoyed spending time with the babies.  But I have been anxious to make love to you."  Conan says.