Conan and I arrive finally at Ashley's home. We grab the babies first. And we go up to the door, and Conan Just walks in. Ashley has a huge smile on her face. She gives Conan A Tight Squeeze instantly. He squeezes back just as tight. "HI! I've missed you So MUCH!!!" She says. "Katie, this is my close friend Ashley! She's like a sister to me! And Ashley, this is Katie! My Fiancé!" Conan says, introducing us to each other. "It's very lovely to meet you, Katie!" "Likewise! Conan has said so many good things about you! In fact, he even told me that this is his home. Because he felt loved and safe with you. Unlike at his parents house. So I appreciate you for taking him in, and keeping him safe. "Ohhhh! Get over here." She says, as she tears up. She hugs him again, and says "I'm so happy my home is your home to you! That makes me want to cry Of joy." She says to Conan. She then tells me, "And no problem! Happy you are appreciative of that, but yeah. He's my brother, I was worried about him. He told me often of the things his parents put him through. And I'm sure he's told you too. I was heartbroken and worried for Him. And thank you for making him happy! I've never seen him this happy! He's always been happy around me. But then after hanging out, especially when he went to UCLA, he seemed depressed again. We would FaceTime, but we haven't seen each other in person. So it's different. But when he met you, he FaceTimed me and was visibly happier! He told me that you had a date the next day. I knew instantly that I would love you. Because anyone who can make Conan happy like that, is an angel in my eyes. And an irreplaceable treasure. I can't even tell you how much of a value I Hold to you." Ashley says. "Awww! That's so sweet! I think you are very extremely valuable beyond measures as well, for giving him a good home to go to." I say. "Oh yeah! Food! We need to eat." Ashley remembers. "Oh yeah! Let me get it from the car. Hopefully it is still hot. It should be, considering it's Texas we're talking about." Conan says, running out to the car. He comes back in seconds later. "Okay. Let's eat! It's been since 8:00 since we've last eaten a meal. We did have some Granola Bars a few hours ago though. But I'm starving!" Conan says. We all sit down at the table. "Thank you for getting me something." Ashley says. "You're welcome! I know you love it. And we usually go together when we hangout. I figured since Katie wanted to try it, I'd get something for you too. And that we could all eat it together." Conan says. "This is nice! How do you like Whataburger?" Ashley asks. "I love it! It's fantastic!" I say. "Good! Glad you like it!" Ashley says. We continue talking. Ashley is trying to get to know me. "What is your dream job, and do you Have one yet?" She asks. "I do have a job, at my dream Job. I work at a Nursing Home, in Elder Care. It brings me so much Joy to help people." I say, smiling. I'm very passionate when talking about taking care of Elders. "That's such an amazing job to have! You definitely seem like the type of person who likes to help and be around people." "I do! And I love socializing. All throughout my years of school, I would always talk to the Bus Drivers on the way to school. And also, before I worked where I work now, I was a helper at a Daycare! I also loved that a lot. Both babies and Elders bring me joy." I Say. "Yeah, like how could they not bring joy? Just the sight of them." Ashley says, agreeing with me. "Like your babies right there. So precious! They bring a smile to my face!" Ashley says. "Oh yeah! I haven't introduced you to them yet!" I Exclaim. "This is Luna, named after my Grandma who passed away. Luna wasn't her name. But I always called Gaga my moon. And she called me her moon. And Luna is another name for moon. And our Sons name is Conan Jr. obviously named after Conan." I Say. "I love those names! Especially Luna. The meaning behind her name is meaningful! And very beautiful and touching! Also, I'm so sorry for your loss." She says. "Thank you! And it's okay. The hardest part was that at the end of her life, she just wasn't getting better. So we ended up putting her on Hospice. I was sobbing most of the time. Because we lived together since I was 4 years old! I was 20 when she passed away. It was rough. After living with her for nearly 17 years, it was really hard to imagine life without her. I didn't think it would be as easy as it was. Like I miss her. But I think I mostly got my grieving done before she passed 4 days later. But I know she's always around, and what helps me most is my urn Pendant with her ashes in it. I have it with me. I always have to take it with me if I go certain places. Usually it's if I'm staying the night some place. Otherwise I can not do well emotionally. When I moved in with Conan, I sobbed for the first 3 days. The first night there, the urn Pendant wasn't even in the house. Then the next day, it was in the basement, for the next 2 days. It was hard to handle. I need her when I go to sleep each night. I'm fine during the day, like, I can be in the living room while the Pendant is in my room. But if it's not where I sleep, I get upset. And Gaga was always Showing signs of being here. Especially when I was pregnant. I was extremely attracted to anything with Lady Bugs. I got a onesie that has it, and as you can see, she has a Lady Bug security Blanket. One time, when we were on vacation in Traverse City, A Group Of Ladybugs formed the shape of a heart on my stomach. A heart is Gaga's sign for us. And I was her good luck charm. And she is now mine. So I consider that all her. Thus the name Luna was born on my mind. I've always thought I'd name my daughter Amber Mae. Then I fell in love with the name Luna Mae." I Say. "It's so heartbreaking to hear what you've been through. Also, hello! Welcome to my home Gaga!" Ashley says, referring to my Grandma, since I mentioned I had brought my urn pendant. She continues. "I love the signs you've received. That's just as touching as your baby girl's name! And loss of a loved one can be very hard. Especially when you watch them go through Hospice. They wouldn't have to if they weren't sick or in pain. I've been through that as well, with my great Mimi. I certainly didn't grow up with her for as many years as you. She passed away when I was 8. My grandma passed away before I was born. So although My Great Mimi was like, 92, that means she was 84 when I was born. A first time Grandma, is usually in their late 50's or 60's. So although it was expected, It was hard. The only Grandma figure in my life I've known, and she died when I was so young. And I did experience her being on Hospice. I thought the same as you. Like, how could I live without her? Not literally. But like, how could it not be hard? How long and hard is the grieving process gonna be? Thoughts like that." She says. "That's exactly what I always thought. I definitely feel like if I didn't have the pendant, I would feel a lot more sad. I would grieve a lot worse." I say. "Yeah, and I'm glad that helps you. Whatever helps you through." Ashley says, smiling. "Aww, Im sure my grandma appreciates you welcoming her." I say smiling. "Also, i'm sorry you went through that too. That must have been super hard for you. And yeah, thinking about the signs while being pregnant, makes me smile every single time. It was very special! Oh yeah! Also, you know how cardinals are a sign of a loved one from Heaven?" I ask. "Yeah! You have a story about that too?" She asks, excited. She seemed genuinely interested. "Yes I sure do! While we were still In Traverse City, One morning we woke up, went outside and there was a Cardinal sitting on a branch. It sat there all day. We went to bed that night, it sat by the window of the bedroom. The next day, we woke up, it was right there. Eventually we went into town, to buy more food. And the cardinal followed us, and sat on the hood of the car. Then eventually it came in the car, and sat on my hand! I also started to find Cardinal feathers on walks. I eventually collected enough, that I was able to make Luna a quilt, stuffed with the feathers. And something that made me cry, just totally lose it, was when there was a cardinal at the window outside the hospital room when I was going into Labor. And it stayed The Whole time! It did not leave that window. That was her way of being there for the birth of her Great Grandchildren. I've always wanted her to be there for the birth of my children." I say, tearing up. I wipe away my tears. "That is the sweetest thing! Omg! You got what you wanted. That tells me that she wanted to be there, as much if not more than you wanted her there. And I think the cardinal was looking after little Luna. Like when the cardinal was sitting in the branch, and all that. This makes me so happy. And aww, I'm crying right with you." Ashley says, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. We hugged each other. "So Luna is a very special child!" Ashley says. "SO special! But I hope Conan Jr. doesn't ever think he's not loved as much as Luna. Or anything. I worry about that." "I'm sure he won't. You could always know in your heart that she's a little more special. But you don't have to show it. How could Conan Jr. feel any less special, if you treat both of them equally, and show each an even amount of attention, and affection?" Ashley points out. "That's a really good point! I just feel bad for making Luna a Quilt with red feathers. And not him. And she could have very well been looking after Luna and Conan Jr. but I'll say, As soon as I was shopping for baby clothes, I saw a Ladybug, and instantly felt like it was a girl. Before ,y first ultrasound. And a heart made of cardinal feathers, hung up in a frame. It's like, when Conan Jr. is older, he's gonna wonder why Luna has things he doesn't have." Ashley cracks a joke, for a laugh. She says "Well, just remind him of what he DOES have: A Penis. She doesn't have that!" We all bust out laughing! "That's very true!! I can't stop laughing! Now I'm gonna cry of laughter! That does help!" "Good, but in all seriousness, he's not gonna know that the quilt has cardinal feathers in it. It's stuffed inside. He'll only know about the frame. And that's not a big deal." "That's also very true! I'm glad I brought this up to you. I needed that realization." I say. "I'm very glad as well that you brought it up. And that I was able to help." "Now that we're all done eating, would you guys like some help carrying all your bags and things in?" She offers. "Sure! That would be great, Thank you!" Conan and I say. "Okay, let's go." She says. So we head back out to the car, and open up the trunk. "Warning, these suitcases are heavy." Conan says. I say "yeahhhh, especially the babies suitcases! Babies throw up and poop multiple times a day, on their clothes sometimes. We packed 56 outfits! Not Including pajamas! We will probably take those bags." I say. "Yeah I get it. That's good planning! But it should be fine! I think you're overestimating, just because there's more. But your 2 weeks worth of clothing, is heavier since you guys are adults. Bigger, heavier clothes. Babies have tiny, light clothes." Ashley says. "You'd be surprised! We picked it up so that's how we know." "I'm telling you, it may just be in your head. Because you figure, logic, the more you have, the heavier it will be. Which I would too." Ashley says. She carries the baby suitcases. "Oh, boy! It really is super heavy! I'd rather take you and Conan's suitcases." Ashley admits. She puts it back down in the trunk, and takes ours. We grab the babies suitcases. We both held 1 at a time. Conan knows his way around her house. They always slept in the same room together. But she has a guest room right across from her room. Like, literally, I could walk out of my room, and be in her room, within 3 steps. It's a small space hallway. But the rooms are very spacious! It amazes me! "Wow! Nice bedroom! I love it!" I say. "Well thank you! It makes me happy that You, as a guest, love the bedroom! It means I'm making my guests happy!" Ashley says. "Oh it's just absolutely gorgeous! And the bed is SO comfortable! I definitely look forward to sleeping tonight. It's gonna be so comfy, and I shall sleep well after a long, 7 hour drive." I say. "Yeah, I know how that feels. Even if you take a plane. Exhausting regardless." Ashley says. I start unpacking mine and a Conan's clothes. I fold them and put them in the dresser drawers. Then, I start to hang up the babies clothes. Conan comes into the room, to check it out. "Hey, what are you doing? You put all our clothes away?" Conan asks, shocked. "Yep. I'm exhausted." I say. "Yeah I'll bet! Do you want me to help you? You know what, it doesn't matter. I'm gonna help you anyways, whether you say yes or not. You need to relax. And I know how hard it is when you're so tired. You don't want to sit and hang up literally over 90 pajama and tank and shorts or short sleeve, long sleeves, and all." "Well thank you love, for being willing to help. I appreciate it, and would love the help!" I say. "Well, you went through mine and your own clothes, and put that all away. Even though you're exhausted. You probably did it unwillingly. Just so I don't have to put my clothes away. I can put some baby clothes away." Conan says. "Well thank you baby." I say, softly, and sweetly, as I give him a kiss. "You're welcome. You already do so much anyways. When you're tired, you should take a break from things you can. Like this. You can't take a break from breast feeding or things like that, so things you can, take full advantage of. I'm telling you, because I care." "Aww, baby, it's so sweet that you care so much. If it will make you worry less, I'll take a break from the things I am able to." I say. "Okay, good. So pass the rest of the clothes to me." Conan says. "Okayyy. But you drove 7 hours!" I say. "Oh please. That's nothing compared to what you do everyday." Conan says. "Alright, if you insist. But you help me out! It's not like I only take care of both babies." I argue. "But I don't breast feed them, I don't do other things." He argues. I smile a bit. "Baby, you do all that you can do." I remind him. "I know, but you just seem extremely exhausted all the time. I can be from time to time, but you are tired all the time. I don't know if it's because you gave birth to them, or what. And when you can do certain things that I can't, that's more for you to do. You can't relax as much as I can. I'll tell you what, You, are a superhero! You've always been a hero to me. Because you saved me. You made me realize why I am alive. Just by existing. I was so depressed, I cannot even begin to explain it! But then you came around, and truly cured my depression. Ashley's right, I had never been as happy as I am with you. But now, you're a superhero! You do things even when you're exhausted and barely can get out of bed in the mornings. You get up and you do it for them. And for that, I find you to be so amazing. And I am proud of you!" Conan says. "You nailed it. I'm totally exhausted at almost all times. But I do get up for them. I would never just abandon my babies, just because I'm tired. It's horrible that people do that. It makes me so happy to hear you say you're proud of me. I know you always are, but it just feels really good to hear. Especially when you see my struggle, but watch me continue on. And the superhero thing, you're gonna make me cry! 🥺😢 You are just the absolute sweetest! And I'm so happy I cured you of your depression. Like, you have your days. But of course that's normal. Depression can last for days, weeks, or months at a time when it occurs. Or some people have depression every single day, and some days are worse than others." Conan points at himself as I said the last part. "Yep, me until I met you. And There are other examples of you doing things even when you're exhausted. You literally put all of our clothes away. Mine and yours. And just under half of the baby clothes. Even though you're totally wiped out! I never asked you to Do that. You truly amaze me. But please, see, you're not giving yourself a break. You're doing extra things that you don't need to do. I could have done this. But please don't misunderstand. I do appreciate it, very Much!" Conan says. "I know baby, don't worry. I know you appreciate it. You can appreciate a gesture or chore being done for you.
And also you can be worried about me. That's okay, and normal. So I will seriously take a break where I can. I promise. Because I don't want you to worry. I don't wanna cause any unnecessary stress on you. You never have expressed that, I have not known you were going through worry and stress over me. I'm sorry baby. 🥺😔" I say. "Good, im glad you Promise to take a break when possible. And I didn't want you to know I was stressed or worried. I didn't want you to feel bad. And also, I know some women get upset if they are told to relax. And that they don't need a break, and all that. Because they want to feel useful. I didn't want to make you feel that way. And that's not meant to be offensive. I understand why people feel that way." "Aww, baby, you know you can always talk to me, and be honest with me about your feelings, or anything. Even if it might cause an argument. We will always get through it. And don't worry. I understand that you don't mean it to be offensive. And if you would have told me all along about the worry, I would have not been mad. Just like right now, I'm not mad. I would have done what I'm doing now. Taking a break when possible, for you. Because I care about you. See, you care about me, by being worried about me constantly doing stuff. But I care about you, and don't want you to be stressed. So I am gonna take a break, for your own peace of mind." Conan tears up and his breath is a bit uneasy. "Hey, don't cry. What's wrong?" I ask, sweetly, concerned. "You are such a selfless soul. You literally will stop, for ME, not for your own self." He says. His tears beat in his eyes. Then he continues: "That's so sweet. But that also means, if I had said how I was feeling a while ago, you would have been relaxing a little longer than now. I'm so sorry!" Conan says, tears now streaming down his face. "Baby, I KNOW you are not blaming yourself for me overworking myself. I did this to myself. Stop blaming yourself. Please." I say softly. He sniffles. "AlrIiiGHttt." He says with a shaky voice. "I will stop blaming myself. It's ridiculous to blame myself. It just breaks my heart that I've let you overwork yourself, while I stood by saying nothing. Only worrying internally, to myself. You could have overworked yourself far less." Conan explains, as he continues to cry. "I know baby, but it's better late than Never. I feel like you told me just at the right time. When I was starting to become way too exhausted, beyond exhausted." I assure him. "But, you wouldn't have to feel overwhelmed with exhaustion and everything, if I had just spoken up sooner." Conan says again. "Conan, I thought you said you weren't gonna blame yourself. You said you were gonna stop. And I Promised that I will stop overworking myself, and I'm keeping that promise. Stop blaming yourself, as you said you would." I say, sympathetically. "I know, I'm sorry. It's just so hard. But I guess I could forgive myself, for the fact I told you now, so now you will stop. It could be a lot worse." Conan says. "good, that's what you need to do. You stopped me before it got really bad." I say, calmingly. I embrace him in a tight hug
And rub his back soothingly. "Let's go hangout with Ashley now. That should help you feel better." I suggest. "I'll feel better if you rest. She knows we've travelled a long way today. She's understand if we rest today. You don't understand the stress. I'm literally sick to my stomach I'm so worried and stressed about you. Let's just take the day to lay down for most of the day. Please." "Okay. But please calm down. I don't want you to feel sick from worrying. We will lay down today. And tomorrow we will hit the town, to see some of Texas, including Bucee's! I really am excited to see Bucee the beaver, and his convenience store!" I say. He smiles weakly, still feeling anxious. "I'm excited for you to see it too. I want to go there. It's the most legendary place in Texas! But thanks for agreeing to rest today. I'm not leaving your side either." Conan says. "That's just my opinion though of course." Conan adds. The babies cry. They probably need to eat again. I start to get up. Conan says "no, stop. Let me get the babies." He says urgently. "But baby, I can do that. You said take a break from things I don't need to do." I say. "Seriously. Please, let me get the babies. I just want you to rest, all day. Okay? What if you pass out from exhaustion? Not Just like, you fall asleep fast. I mean physically pass out, on the floor. I'm not willing to take that risk." Conan says, crying again cause I almost got up. I stop as soon as he cries. I sit back down on the bed, sigh because I feel bad for him, and hug him. "Alright. You go get the babies. I'll stay here and wait for you to bring them to me. I don't want you this upset. I think you've kept in your feelings for way too long. You felt bad that you didn't tell me until now. But what about yourself? You've let it turn into this, from letting it go on for so long. It's built up inside of you. Now you're very on edge." I say, concerned for him. "I know, I know. It's just so hard not to worry about you. You're my fiancé! And I love you with all my heart. And when I see you overworking yourself, it's hard to relax." "Okay well do you promise me that anytime that you feel worried or upset or anything in the future, you'll talk to me about it? IMMEDIATELY? It probably wouldn't be this bad if you talked about it sooner. Like, you probably wouldn't be like 'oh well what if she passes out from exhaustion, as she's walking.' Because I would have stopped overworking myself way sooner. So then you wouldn't have to worry about that. I totally understand why you are worried about it. Sometimes the whole body can become tired out. And it very well could make me pass out. I probably won't, but you have that fear in you. And this could have been avoided. Again, it's not for me, it's for you that I am stopping. So I'm not blaming you now. You understand my point though, right?" "Yeah, I completely understand your point. That makes sense. And basically, I don't have to blame myself. Besides, in the long run, it affected me the most, as we can clearly see. I'm sure you're right. I'm sure you wouldn't pass out. But tomorrow, could we take a wheelchair for you, so you can be sitting down at all times tomorrow?" Conan requests. "Whatever eases your mind, and anxiety. If it will make you feel better, by all means." I say. "Okay, thank you! That will make me feel a lot better!" Conan says. "Okay, now go get the babies." I say. "Oh, right! Oopsie! That conversation could have waited." "No it's okay. It only lasted a couple minutes. You needed that conversation." I say. So he goes and gets the babies. "Hi babies. Are you Guys ready for some food?" Conan asks. They stop crying. They start laughing. "Do you not want food? Were you just missing your mommy and Daddy?" Conan asks them. So he brings them into the room, and We hold them in our arms. "I think they just wanted us. As soon as I picked them up they stopped crying." Conan says. So Conan gently rubs Luna's cheeks. He managed to get a smile out of her. I record some of this moment. He stopped rubbing her cheeks, and her smile went away. Then he rubbed again, and she smiled again. Her smile as big as ever. "You like it when daddy gives you cheek rubs, huh? Yeah." I say, as I'm still recording. I have Conan record me now, so I can play and interact with Conan Jr. I play one of Conan's songs, and Conan Jr. coo's to the beat of the song. Almost as if he's trying to sing the words, but can't say them yet. They say babies hear words, and try to speak them. Even since they're born. Even since they're in the womb they hear everything that you say, and it doesn't sound like Gibberish. So I say "Ohhh, are you gonna be like Daddy? Are you gonna sing with him? Or perhaps Write your own music?" "Aww, good Singing!" I tell Conan Jr. and then he smiles. I start to tickle him around his belly area. He gives a nice belly laugh. "Aww, would you listen to that? That's the most beautiful, and contagious sound." I say, giggling. I look into the camera. We created two wonderful kids!" I say. "Yes we certainly have. And yeah, I do love the sound of a babies laugh." Conan agrees.
So basically Conan and I spent the day in bed. Eventually, it was 8:45, and we fell asleep soon after that. I think we both really needed it.
YOU ARE READING
A Boy Named Conan
Fanfiction2 people, YouTuber and fan. The fans dreams had become a reality after she got noticed in DM'S by Conan Gray! They instantly hit it off! Read to follow along on their exciting journey!
