RELAPSE - Arthur Fleck | Joker FANFIC/LOVE STORY

Chapter 30: Bender

Anon's POV:

I looked down at the burger and fries I ordered and then looked up across the table; Sam was already stuffing her mouth with food, rather obnoxiously. Sure, I hated myself for running back to her, but I was tired of trying to be someone I will never be. Anon wasn't meant to have a job, a place to call her own, or a healthy relationship. The 'normal' life just wasn't in the deck for me. I was meant to live a life of dysfunction and drugs. I just had to accept it.

Arthur was gone and the life that I foolishly tried to build finally came crashing down around me. So, it was just time to do what I did best - numb myself and try to forget about all of it. Give myself completely to the drugs so I couldn't think about anything else.  This meant that, no matter how much I hated Sam, she was my best friend in this situation - she was an easy connection to drugs. In fact, her drug dealer boyfriend, Ben, was sitting next to her - staring at me.

I picked up a fry and nibbled at it, which caused Ben to laugh at me, "You better eat. You drank a shit ton."

I rolled my eyes, "This isn't my first bender."

Geez, I sound like I'm proud of that.

Sam spoke up as she chewed on her food, "No, ma'am, it is not! She is a pro."

Ben shook his head, "Whatever, just hurry up, I got places I gotta be."

Sam slapped his shoulder, "Fuck you, leave then. We are eating."

Ben stood up, "Fine. See if you get anymore H tonight."

"Aw, Ben, baby. I was joking." Sam turned to me, "Hurry, bitch, we gotta go."

She stuffed a bunch of food in her mouth and stood up to leave. I took the cue, grabbed my burger, and followed behind them - not even bothered that we didn't pay for the food.

As we staggered down the poorly lit street, I took a bite of my burger and automatically spit it out; it tasted like cardboard that was soaked in grease. I threw the burger down on the ground and folded my arms in front of my stomach. I was starting to feel sick with the lack of food in my alcohol filled stomach.

We followed Ben, making our way down dark alleys and some very sketchy streets. The 'places he had to be' were meeting spots so he could sell drugs to the many clients he had. It felt like we walked around most of Gotham, which was just making me feel worse. After Ben finally completed all of his 'errands', we went to his place. We couldn't go to Sam's because she had already been kicked out of her apartment - not surprising.

As soon as we got into Ben's apartment, I headed straight to the bathroom so I could force myself to throw up. After I did, I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked rough with my smeared makeup and bloodshot eyes. My days had been filled with drugs, alcohol, a little bit of sleep, more drugs, a tiny bit of food, and more alcohol. Was I hoping for death by overdose or alcohol poisoning? Maybe part of me did. Arthur left me, so what else was there for me now?

Pathetic, depressed druggie. Here we are again.

I punched at my face in the mirror with a strength that came out of nowhere, shattering it.  My body jumped from the sudden sound of glass clattering around me and I looked at my hand. Pieces of glass were stuck in my knuckles and my hand was shaking slightly, but I didn't actually feel any pain. I felt nothing. I watched as blood started to trickle from my wounds.