RELAPSE - Arthur Fleck | Joker FANFIC/LOVE STORY

Chapter 7: Faltering

***
Anon's POV.

Two months. Two whole months have passed since I moved in with Sophie and I still haven't landed a job.  My mission to find a job started with plenty of positive energy and motivation.  I stayed out basically from sun up to sun down every day, applying literally every where.  There wasn't one diner, restaurant, bakery, coffee shop or the like that I didn't apply at, no matter if they were located in the "bad parts" of Gotham. Surely someone should have hired me by now.

I looked up at the clock, it was 9:00am. Sophie left with her daughter a little more than an hour ago and I was laid out on the couch trying to coax myself into a standing position, but I just couldn't. There was an invisible weight on top of me that held me down into place and I didn't know what to do.  My eyes laid on the TV, but if someone came in and asked me what was on the TV, I wouldn't be able to tell them.  The only thing my mind could focus on were the negative thoughts. I still don't have a job.  I really am worthless. It was stupid to think that things would be different this time. I should just go back to the drugs. I reached my hands up to my head and viciously rubbed my fingertips against my skull, trying to dislodge the negative thoughts that were crowding the inside of my brain.

Everything really had been going well for a few weeks. I was helping Sophie as much as I possibly could, I was attending my counseling/probation/treatment appointments, I was passing my drug tests, I was positive about finding a job, and I actually made a new friend - Arthur. However, for each day that I remained jobless, my positive energy and motivation faltered.  It became increasing harder to leave Sophie's apartment each day; resulting in me being late for several appointments, which was making my counselor, probation officer, and doctor upset with me.  

Since I was barely able to get myself out of the apartment for my required appointments, I haven't even seen Arthur in a couple of weeks. Sophie told me that Arthur kept asking her about me whenever she passed him in the hall, but I still couldn't bring myself to go see him.  For some reason, I just did not want him to see me like this.  Maybe it was because I could tell he cared about me, so I didn't want to give him a reason to worry. He had enough on his plate already.  I was certain that once I got a job and actually had something to give me purpose every day, everything would go back to how it was before.  I would feel happy and motivated and I could actually see Arthur again.

However, it seemed like things were going to get worse before they would get better.  I was finding myself more and more dependent on my antidepressant medication.  I reached down to my purple bag that was laying on the floor, propped against the couch, and dug around for my medication. Once I found it, I quickly poured out a couple of pills and swallowed them down - not even worried about getting water. I threw the medicine bottle back into my bag and curled myself back into my original position on the couch.  My eyes focused on the TV, but my brain was working to get myself motivated for my counseling appointment that I had later that day.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

I jerked myself up into a sitting position on the couch.  It was like my brain sent an electric shock through my body and I was automatically taken over by anxiety.  Shit, did I fall asleep? How long have I been asleep?  Oh my God, what time is it?  I looked up a the clock on the wall and jumped up. Shit, I'm late.  I hurried around the apartment to grab my things and ran out the door.  I started running down the hall until, Shit! I didn't lock the door. I ran back, fumbled with the key, locked the door and ran off again toward the nearest subway entrance.

I made it down to the subway and there was a group of people waiting for the same train that I needed to board. I joined the group and used this time to put my unbrushed hair in a messy bun and fix my thrown on clothing.  A couple of people looked at me and it made me feel very self-conscious; I probably looked like a grade-A mess.