WRITTEN IN THE SCARS

Unspoken

Summary:
Alex is at home alone with Haylee and stumbles fortuitously across a notebook..

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The day after the awful anniversary, our day began as usual. Miles and Haylee showed up to get me out of the bed and after our breakfast and the usual errands, we left Miles at the gym. I had obviously missed having him in bed next to me as happened the previous day but I was glad that I had managed to make him go through the sad anniversary without too much pain; I had listened to him and reminded him of some sweet and funny episodes and now he was back on his feet again, ready to face a new day.

Haylee and I walked back home taking the shorter walk instead of the usual long one because the weather conditions were still uncertain; it wasn't gloomy as the day before but the sun was struggling a little behind the clouds and it was also quite windy. The situation didn't improve by the time we arrived home therefore I decided that it was better to stay inside instead of outside in the garden as usual; I was ready to play with her and the little piano Miles had bought a few months ago but she headed toward the bookcase instead because, apparently, she wanted me to read her a story. There were some books I've never read; usually the ones for bedtime stories were in Miles' bedroom next to her little bed while her other favourite ones were piled up next to the couch. As she was pulling a couple of books out of place to choose what she wanted me to read, a weird notebook fell on the floor and a picture of Sydney came out. I picked it and I looked at it with a bitter smile; it was a picture taken at the beach and I clearly remembered that day when we were all together, happy and completely unaware of what the future had in store for the three of us. My heart ached for how destiny had taken its course with her, giving me a chance that I probably didn't deserve. She was a lively, loyal and generous girl, definitely someone special given the fact that she had been able to make Miles forget me with almost no effort while I had wasted years and years doing my best making him sad and miserable. However, I wasn't the same man anymore and I was really glad that I had faced my fears and grown up but sometimes I wondered if I would be able to make Miles happy the way Syd had been able to do. I opened the book with the intention to put the picture back in place and I noticed that what I was holding was something that resembled a diary. It looked like a common notebook, the kind of one we both used to write down ideas and pieces of lyrics but, apparently, Miles used it to put his thoughts on paper in the attempt to feel better, ending up writing how he felt almost daily. I put the picture in the first empty page because I thought that Sydney's picture was some kind of bookmark, and despite I knew that I shouldn't read anything, after a few seconds of hesitation, I opened the first page.

Dear Sydney,
I miss you but this is not something new. What is new is that I rented a house in Miami. We were supposed to go back home after our little holiday here but this place makes me feel good so we're staying for a little while. Our house is not beautiful as the resort we have been in the past months but it's cozy and near to the sea and I am sure that we're gonna have a great time. I am definitely feeling better and Haylee is feeling it too because she looks more happy and relaxed. I have to thank Alex and his stupid behaviour for being here; I needed to put some distance between us and this is the reason why I booked the holiday all of a sudden even if I had to admit that he wasn't the only reason that made me leave LA. It was hard living in that house without you because everything reminded me of the beautiful days spent together. And despite I feel better now, I am not ready yet to face all those memories again therefore, I decided to stay a little more. It's pretty weird thinking that I left home because of you and Alex, the two people I've always loved the most! Alex chose the wrong moment to fuck up with my mind and sooner or later I will face that issue too but now I have to concentrate on the most important person in my life, our daughter, and I need to be healthy, mentally and physically, and I feel that I can do it better staying here. It sounds like I am trying to forget you but it's not true. I wouldn't be able even if I tried! And I don't want to forget you but I definitely need to stay away for a while until I feel strong enough to go back home, face the awful reality of growing up Haylee without you and decide what to do with my life. Our daughter is an amazing girl and she deserves an amazing dad and I am going to do my best to make her feel loved and happy and give her everything she needs. I decided to follow the advice to write a journal in order to pour my feelings out and face them properly so I am gonna keep you updated about the way things are going; I just hope not to disappoint you.
Miles X