Losing control

C H A P T E R 1

C H A P T E R 1|   My eyes were closed as we were driving to his place. I enjoyed the darkness behind my eyelids. It just made things feel so serene.

The music was blasting some sort of song, that I didn't know, very loudly. And it was hard to think. Jake was bobbing his head and dancing to the song in his seat.

I peeked my eyes open and glanced at him. He was beautiful. I'm not sure how I got so lucky with him. Sure he doesn't really pay attention to me when he drags me to parties. But he was sweet when he wanted to be.

I smiled a little at him because he was flailing around his seat like a chicken doing some random "dance moves".

I didn't realize I was staring until he glanced at me and began to look irritated.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Jake asked. I shook my head no. " Then why are you staring at me?"

"I'm sorry," I said fidgeting my hands in my lap, "I just thought it was kind of funny the way you were dancing." I kept my eyes down, not wanting to meet his glare.

I knew it was my fault because even though Jake loved attention and being looked at, especially by other girls, he hated it from me. I should have just kept my eyes closed instead of looking at him.

"Listen I know that I'm good looking, but can you please give me some space I really don't need you being clingy with me all the time." Jake practically growled at me.

"I know I'm sorry. I'll stay in my space." I replied. His words stung me in the heart. It felt like a bee was taking little jabs at my soul every time Jake used his words to hurt me. I know he doesn't mean it though. He loves me. I'm sure of it.

Soon we reached his flat complex and then we made our way inside after he parked the car. Neither of us spoke a word on the way up. All you could hear was the pounding of our feet at we climb our to the the top of the stairs. The keys jingle in his hand as he unlocks the door and walks in slamming it shut behind him.

I looked down at my feet and took a deep, shaky, breath. Then I lifted my hand and turned the knob. I opened the door and saw that Jake was already on his couch with a beer in his hand watching something on the television.

"Hey babe. Make me some dinner." Jake orders me, and I nod my head. I take out all the necessities to make Jakes favorite meal.

When I'm almost done I hear the buzzer ring. Jake makes no move to get it so I quickly run to unlock the door.

A man walks in with a dominos pizza uniform and two boxes of pizza. I was confused as to why he was delivering the pizza here.

"Sorry I think you have the wrong address." I say to the delivery man. He looks to be around my age, maybe a little older, about 19 or so.

The delivery man opens his mouth to speak when Jake cuts him off.

"Nope I ordered the pizza. Some of my friends are coming over and I wouldn't be a good host if I didn't feed them. Am I right?" He grins and looks at the delivery man.

Another stab at my heart. But it's ok. It's Jakes flat, if he doesn't want my food it's fine. If he wants friends over that's cool too. I have no say so I just nod my head and go back to the kitchen to finish the meal I was making.

Jake pops in the kitchen and leans against the counter opposite of me.

"Sorry your food is going to waste." He says, but the look in his eyes made the statement seem so insincere. I bob my head in responce.

"It's ok. I guess I can just eat some of it tonight." I say solemnly.

" You sure you can eat all that? Aren't you going to get even fatter?" Another poke.

"I'll take some home with me tomorrow and share it with my family." I managed to say without my voice quivering and keeping my tears at bay. He nodded his head and started to leave the kitchen.

"Just go the the guest room and don't come out when my friends get here, ok?" He glares at me. I nod my head and keep my eyes trained in the floor. Satisfied with my answer he walks away.

I quickly gather the food on a plate and eat a little. Then I put it away and head to the guest room, stopping at a closet to grab a blanket. But a hand on my shoulder stops me.

"What do you think you're doing?" Jake asks.

"Grabbing a blanket. The guest room is always so cold." I answer, mad at myself for letting my voice tremble.

"This isn't your place. You don't get to take whatever the fuck you want." He yells and pushes me back a little. I stumble and hit my head against the wall behind me. I wince rubbing the spot that hurt the most. " Look at me when I'm talking to you." He growls. I keep my eyes on the floor scared of what I'll see when I look up.

Slap.

I felt a sting on my face. Tears started brimming my eyes, threatening Niagara Falls to spill more water than I was about to from my eyes. He's done this before. So many times. Im covered in bruises and even a very ugly scar. He says he's sorry and that he loves me every time after he hurts me but I'm not sure how much more of it I can take.

I spin on my heal and dart out the door and run as fast as my legs can take me. I know I can't go home because it's even worse there. I run until I get to a neighborhood I've never been in. I find a park and decide I'll stay there for the night.

I see a couple benches littered around and make my way to the one in the center. I lay myself down and soon my world goes black.