wattpad won't let me add a song above so here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I0f147Fo1tw
^ flatsound - learning to hate you as a self defense mechanism ^
ship - none
warning: depressive/suicidal thoughts
the wind pressed against Clay's black sweatshirt, some slipping down the open space where his hood fell around his head. he walked to the beat of his music, though it held a rather melancholic feel.
a bus pulled up to the stop he was strolling to, encouraging him to pick up his pace, even with the little motivation he had left. his song changed just as he was stepping on, giving an uninterested glance to the driver. she nodded, offering a quiet grunt to the farebox.
he pulled a five dollar bill out, letting the register suck the money into its slot. he didn't bother taking the coins that clattered into little bowl on the side; it's not like he'd need them after tonight.
the bus was nearly empty, the only other passengers being a few loners and an old couple chatting in hushed voices towards the back. Clay took a seat two rows in front of the elevated back bench, resting his head against the foggy window and waiting for the ride to start.
it was moments like these that he held onto; the raw numbness of everything overtaking him, that sickening feeling of knowing this wasn't just a bad day. when his motivation came back for all the wrong reasons, for all the bad ideas.
the doors creaked closed as the bus pulled away from the curb, a soft rhythm forming along with the wheels spinning against the damp pavement. small droplets of rain glistened across the window as glowing store signs and street lights hit them.
how cliche, he figured it was, that it rained on the night he decided to kill himself.
cliche, but fitting.
it was as if the clouds were crying. about what, he wasn't sure. his fast-approaching end, perhaps, but they must have known it was coming sooner rather than later. he liked to romanticize about things like that.
the music was blasting in his ears. he had a headache. it hurt.
whatever. at least this way he wouldn't hear his thoughts.
oh wait, they're still there.
time seemed to slow down on that bus ride, all the screams and cries settling to hear a new voice.
all the uncertainty was being cleared as he made his final decisions.
before he knew it, he was at his "stop," but the song he was listening to wasn't over.
he just stayed on, didn't matter where he got off, if he did at all.
and all of a sudden, all those sad songs he didn't understand made sense.
word count: 420
please stay safe, everyone. <3
