Battlefield (A Lams story)

Chapter 20

Hamilton awoke to an emptiness by his side. He sighed and felt his heart sink, trying to get rid of the feeling. He shouldn't be feeling this way. The feeling was one he had never experienced before and he didn't like it. He missed having someone by his side, yet it wasn't the same feeling as if your significant other was across the country. It didn't feel like the longing sewn into your heart after a breakup. This was different. A bad different. It felt like longing, but not quite. He yearned for someone to touch him, to want him by their side. He wanted someone to take care of him. He felt so good-so happy-yesterday when André touched him, sexually or not. He felt wanted, yet he felt disgusted. At the same time, he didn't want André touching him or calling him petnames. He didn't wanna be André's babygirl or sweetheart, though he still yearned for Andre to call him that. It was two contradicting feelings that were driving him crazy.

Hamilton sighed and looked around the empty cell. He had been getting it pretty easy these last two weeks, but he couldn't say the same for everyone. Laurens had been leaving more frequently and coming back more hurt than ever. It was always new broken bones, new bruises, new cuts, and fresh burns that Hamilton wanted to kiss away. He could see the emotional scars it left because each time he came back, the flame in his eyes was dying out.

André came through the door, grabbing Hamilton's attention. "Sorry. I had work and I can finally steal a few moments to spare with you my love." My love, it made Hamilton's stomach turn with disgust, but his heart flutter with delight.

"No problem. What happened to Laurens though?"

"Oh him? Well, the plans he was supposed to have were recently carried out. He's been rendered useless."

"R-Rendered useless?"

"Yup. We're deciding whether he might have more plans in his head or whether we should cut the loss and kill him off."

"K-Kill him off?"

"Mhm, he'll never hurt you again."

Hamiltom started crying. "Y-You can't kill him."

André stood frozen. "Why? He's useless. He hurt you!"

"I-I know...but I need him alive. He's the only one who can help my anxiety. He can calm me down. W-Without him...I'm just pathetic.."

Andre bit his lip. "But you have me..."

"I-It's not the same. I physically cannot live without him."

"Yes you can. You have so far.

"Barely!" Hamilton snapped. "I can barely do it anymore! I-I just-"

"Babe. Stop and breathe."

Hamilton hadn't even known he had been hyperventilating. He tried to take a deep breath, but it was shaky and shallow. He closed his eyes and started to cry. Finally, he let himself break down. All of the pressure and worries building up were transformed into tears as he cried silently. He slowly fell to the floor.

André tilted his head. "Why? Babe, what's wrong?"

"D-Don't call me that! I-I want my Jacky!"

"Who?"

Hamilton didn't respond but kept hyperventilating. His frame was shaking with sobs. He could hardly breathe without choking on tears. He heard footsteps leave and he knew he was alone in the dark with his demons. Everyone always leaves.

Soon, Hamilton felt a pair of hands touch his. He was about to smack them when he heard a soft whisper, "Baby, can I touch you?"

He knew that voice and nodded, his head not once looking up. He felt a pair of frail arms wrap around him. "Match my breathing Lex. In two, three, four. Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight." Hamilton tried to match their breathing, and succeeded after a few minutes passed. He felt someone move in front of them and lifted up his chin, moving the matted hair from his face. He was met with the diamond blue eyes of Laurens, but this time only embers of the fire that was once there remained.

"Hey beautiful, wanna tell me what that was about?" The blond cooed.

Hamilton shook his head. "H-He said they would kill you.."

Laurens smiled sadly and cupped the red head's jaw. "I don't care. Just as long as you're safe."

"No. I-I don't wanna live if you die."

"Hey...don't cry.." Laurens said, wiping tears Hamilton didn't even know he had running down his face. "It'll be okay. One of us has to go, and I'd die a thousand times so you could live."

André interrupted. He hated seeing Hamilton broken like this. "What if I got you both out of here?"

"W-What? This isn't funny. You've messed with Lex so many times, and now you're-"

"Who said I was messing around. I think I can get both of you out."