Your words hurt but at least you said sorry. That's the key right? To unlocking that good side - the part of you that doesn't scream in my face while I cry.
Just be submissive to the issue - lock all my feelings inside - but don't be to quiet or I'll get beat for ignoring you - oh well - at least I tried.
You'll attack my soul for hours with words you say you don't mean while I shut down thinking... is this really what life is supposed to be?
Self inflicted inward deception - everyone has problems so I'm not the exception. Daddy issues are funny because everyone has them - mothers are wonderful. After all, without your mother there would be no has been.
Existence a blessing derived from conception. You're to blame for everything or is that something I shouldn't mention?
Mom I love you, trust me when I say that, but because of you my worth feels flat. You gas-lighted my heart a million times than apologized because the novel I wrote you triggered the guilt inside.
Said my mental health was desperate while you neglected my needs - and every time I needed YOU my heart raged with disease - neglect an illness no one said they believed.
Lies in a cycle without sign of regret - each apology only a bandaid while you watched me as I bled.
Convinced me that no one could save me with each word against mine. Your beautiful with ugly actions that send aches down my spine.
You're always laughing about poisoning from the bottle. Isn't my livelihood more important than a boyfriend to coddle?
Twenty years of torture and told to be subtle. Over-dramatic was a cop out, a way to blame me for the rebuttals.
Manipulation and narcissism really cause pain because guilt is your greatest weapon and damn... you have great aim.
YOU ARE READING
EXCELSIOR
PoetryA poetry novel detailing the mind of a girl who endured child abuse for twenty years and is now battling the recovery process of mental health disorders as a wife and mother. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Robin Williams T...
