5sos Imagines

I can't - Ashton

Words: 1.3k
Description/notes: You find it really hard to be away from Ashton, it scares you. He never knew this until now. / small note, thoughts will be written in bold italics, and phone calls will be written in just regular italics

Warnings: mentions of anxiety / separation anxiety
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You and ashton had been just sitting having a lazy day because recently it had been hard for you two to spend a lot of time together due to all of the work they were doing for their new album.

The sun was shining through the window of yours and Ashton's shared bedroom, lighting the room very well. Early in the mornings like this you and ash preferred to keep the windows of the house open.

It was calming to hear the outside noises. Living in LA it was always hot even in winter months so you often would hear animals like birds outside or faint noises of children or people.

It was very calming to say the least.

You were both watching any random movies you both loved. You had started to get hungry so both you and Ashton had decided to go make some food.

As you were sitting on the kitchen counter he started to speak. "What sounds good?" He said looking through cabinets.

"We could order food?" You say shrugging. "You know what I like that idea better than cooking" he laughs and pulls out his phone.

"Chinese?" He says looking up at you. "Definitely!" You smile at him as he starts to order the food.

Once the food arrives you both go back upstairs to the bed and eat while continuing your movie. Soon later both of you had finished eating.

You and ashton both knew it would never completely be a whole lazy day, although he didn't have anything to do in the studio today it didn't mean you guys could both stay inside together and cuddle all day.

That was the hard part with ash being in the music industry. Even when theres nothing to do, theres still stuff to be done.

By this time it was the afternoon before you both realized you had no idea what you were having for dinner. You usually cooked for dinner but ashton hating making you cook for the both of you because he knew it took a lot of effort.

"I'll cook its okay ash" you say as he was trying to figure out what to make. You both are still laying in the bed trying to figure out what to get.

"I'll just go get something at the store babe it'll be easier" ashton says sitting up slightly in the bed. "I guess" you shrug and cuddle up next to him again.

You knew you really didn't want him to leave. You were always scared when he left; you felt so safe around him and always tended to be anxious when he wasn't around.

You never told him that though. It was hard for you to tell him, you didn't want to sound clingy or annoying. So, you just decided to not tell him at all.

Every time he was gone you'd have to hide the fact that you cried. You felt so clingy. You didn't want him to break up with you because you felt so stupid being so attached to his presence.

"Baby?" Ashton says slightly shaking your shoulder. You hadn't noticed that you had been staring off into space with your thoughts until he had shook you. "Hm? Yeah?" You mumble quietly.

"Is there anything you need while im at the store? Ill be back soon" he smiles kissing you for what felt like a long time but was only a few seconds.

"No, im okay. Thank you ash" you say moving away from him so he can get up. He nods and he walks out of the bedroom. As soon as you hear the front door close and lock you start to feel extremely anxious.

You tried to watch tv again to ignore the feeling but it just wouldn't go away. All you could do was think

What if he never comes back?

Does he think im too clingy?

I sound so stupid.

You tried to distract yourself again but just nothing worked. You started shaking and tried to think of every possible way to distract yourself.

The stupid thing was, you felt like this every time he was gone. At this point you had tried a lot to calm down but nothing ever worked. You decided to call Michael

After a few rings he picked up.

"Hey y/n, whats up?" Michael says sounding like he had just woken up from a nap.

"O-oh. Did I wake you up? Im sorry" you say trying not to stutter so he didn't know you were upset.

"No its okay crystal woke me up like 10 minutes ago" he laughed into the phone and started to speak again. "Whats up though?"

"I just wanted to say h-hi, im just b-bored" you say still shaking badly.

"You sounds upset are you okay?" He starts to speak "where's ashton?" He finishes.

You started to tear up thinking about ashton not being home right now. "I-im fine, h-hes at the s-store" you say silently yelling at yourself for stuttering so much.

Even after you trying to reassure michael you were okay he still knew you weren't. He was your best friend and always knew when you were or weren't. While he was on the phone with you making small talk he texted ashton telling him he needed to go home and see why you were upset.

After ash got that text he immediately started heading home. You and Mikey talked for not much longer before you guys both hung up and you finally just decided to stop holding it in.

You were crying and shaking terribly. In the moment you knew you were having an anxiety attack but just didn't know how to stop it. You wanted ash, and thats what would help you.

Ashton had walked through the front door at this moment and heard you crying making him immediately go upstairs to your room. "Baby what happened are you okay?" He says coming over to you on the bed and holding you and you cried.

It was hard for you to speak. "N-no" was all you could get out other than sobs. "Breathe y/n its okay im here, shh" he says rocking you back and forth refusing to let go until you were okay.

He hated seeing you cry. It hurt him knowing you could get so upset that you had to cry. After awhile of him trying different things, and him just being there, you calmed down.

"What happened y/n?" He says still not letting go of you and rubbing your back. "I-I don't wanna tell you I'll seem clingy" you say sniffling and holding onto his shirt lightly.

"You never would sound clingy, I love you so much I just wanna help, bub" he says.

You take a breath and start to speak. "Ashton I feel so scared when you're not here.. every time you're gone this happens.. I get so anxious the minute you step out of the door; every time.. I feel so needy, and clingy.. I shouldn't get this upset when you're not around.." you finish and sigh.

"That's not being needy bub, I completely understand" he says wiping your tears with his thumb. "Y-you do?" You look up at him. He nods and hugs you.

"All you had to do was tell me, it's separation anxiety.. and now im not leaving you alone until you get so annoyed from being with me that you tell me to" he says letting out a small laugh making you laugh too.

"Im sorry ashton" you say looking up at him.

"No need to be, come on baby" he says holding your hand and walking you downstairs.

"I love you so much ash" you say looking up at him. "I love you too, so much" he says with a small smile looking down at you.

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A/N: Im the literal ceo of bad endings😂

AnYwAyS😂