When You're Lonely

t o x i c ?

I guess I am one of those toxic kind of people.
I do care deeply, I do love deeply but because of my past,  trauma and my cowardice i hurt people, i do bad things.
I've got trust issues, i overthink too much. My mind is my own battlefield.
I have a really hard time initiating conversations and show affection.

I like to look and stare at someone's eyes. I find it attractive and mysterious.
I guess they find me flirty although I don't meant to be.
I have a lot of expectations on me to initiate things, and when I don't or can't,
I get angry, i get moody, i do and say things that i did not mean.
I do feel their pain and disappointment. And it brings me way down and makes everything worse. I can't even do anything about it.

I feel like the victim sometimes but I guess I leave way too much roadkill behind me for that to be the case.