Self-Preservation

8

Nathan put the truck in park and I look up from my daze that was directed at the floor. I scan our surroundings to see we are in front of a small little house. It's fencing was still up, but the gate to enter the yard was open. It was a pale, frosty, blue with white shutters on every window.
"This house seems to be in pretty good shape. I like that it has a fence, maybe it'll slow down the zombies." Nathan states. "I'm gonna go in and check 'er out. You and Pais stay here and lock the doors."
I begrudgingly obeyed Nathan's order and stayed in the truck. I look back at Pais and see her eyes starting to flutter open. Her face was stained with wet streaks from her numerous tears. I can see distress in her big blue eyes. Her bottom lip quivers as I can tell she is about to cry again.
"Pais please don't cry." I plead. "It's okay, you're safe here with Nathan and I."
"Maya?" She asks and gives me a puppy-dogged look.
"We'll find her. We'll find all of them." I assure her. "Pais can you tell me why you were hiding?"
"M-Maya s-said there were b-bad men coming and s-she said hide under the b-bed. She said you'd be b-back for m-me." Pais stutters out on the brink of tears.
"Well, Maya was right." I tell Pais, thinking about the men.
I hear a bang sounding from Nathan's window. I look over, hoping to see Nathan, but am disappointed to see the rotting face of a zombie. I hear a whimper and sniffle from the back of the truck, I turn around to see Paislee now covering her eyes.
"Th-the monster." She sniffles out.
"It's okay Pais. I'll take care of it." I reassure her.
I turn back around and grab my knife, deciding not to use the gun so as not to attract attention or scare Paislee/Nathan. I take the knife out of it's protective cover and mentally prepare myself for how I'm going to finish off the zombie. I carefully and quietly open my door and slip out. I shoot Pais a loving look and close the door to the truck behind me.
I walk around the hood of the car, keeping my eyes locked on the rotting pile of flesh just around the front of the truck. I finally round the hood of the truck and raise my knife, ready to kill. The monster growls and turns in my direction, it's decaying teeth smiling at me. I briskly walk towards it in a bit of a crouch. It continues towards me with it's arms now spread out towards me. The zombie growls and I leap at it, thrusting the knife straight into its forehead. I hear a distinct crunch and a sputter resonate from the zombie. It's groans immediately halt and it falls to the ground, pulling me with it. I stop myself from falling and bring my foot up and push off of it to pull the knife free from it's forehead.
"Anna." I hear Nathan say behind me. I turn around to face him. "I told you to stay in the car."
"Pais didn't like it near her, so I fixed the problem. Give me a break." I say back, in a defensive tone.
"Whatever. It's clear inside." He says clearly choosing not to engage in any bickering with myself.
I walk around to my side of the truck and get into the passenger seat. Nathan puts the truck in drive and drives it into the now-open garage of our house of choice. Nathan pulls out the keys and gets out and goes to the back to get Paislee. I get out of the truck and go around the hood to meet Nathan and Paislee at the door from the garage to the house.
I look at Nathan and study how comfortable Paislee seems in his arms, her eyes are still closed but her head is resting on his shoulder and her arms around his neck. Nathan makes eye contact with me and I remove my gaze from them. He opens the door and we enter the house, down the hall I can see the door to a bedroom after you go through the small living room. Nathan waves me inside and shuts the door behind us. I look to my right and notice a doorway leading into a laundry room. I walk down the hallway into the living room and notice the blood stains on the carpet. I shoot Nathan a glance and he sighs with a shrug.
I look behind me and see Nathan walking towards me, with Pais still in his arms, and put her down on the couch to left. I walk towards Nathan and Pais as she coils into a ball, still mute. I decide to give her some space so I cover her up with a blanket that was discarded on the couch. When I look around I notice Nathan is now in the kitchen, actively rummaging through cabinets. I go to join him in the active raid we will be commencing on this house. Overall, the house was in a tidy state, despite some things being strewn around the floor in the living room. I'm assuming whoever lived here was trying to flee, they may have even left before the disease hit Winston.
"What was the blood from?" I whisper to Nathan while I search through the cabinet next to his.
"There was a zombie in the living room, just millin' around. The other one I found was lyin' on the bed in the bedroom. I'm assuming they were a couple, I saw quite a few pictures of 'em around here." He replied.
There goes my hopeful theory that the person or people had made it out.
"Oh." I say back, ending the conversation.
I continue looking through the cabinets, still coming up with nothing edible. I close the final cabinet and a sound of metal hitting the floor catches my attention. I look over to my right to see Nathan sitting on the floor up against the bottom cupboard with his face in his hands. An empty can of what seems to have been peas discarded on the floor in front of him. I calmly walk over to him and sit down next to him. He wasn't crying, I could tell by the smooth up and down rise of his back.
"We're screwed." He says, coming out a bit muffled through his hands.
"I know." I agree with him and he brings his head out of his hands and drops his hands at his sides.
I lean my head onto his shoulder and we both just sit there, mute. Completely and utterly aware of the terrible situation we are now in. In an apocalypse, with a child, no food, and nowhere to go.
~~~
    I don't know how long we sat there for, but by the time we got back up the sun was directly up in the air. Nathan looked in the bathrooms and bedrooms, but ultimately came up with nothing but some cough drops and a stale bag of half eaten chips. Pais had woken up while Nathan was searching the bathroom and complained about being hungry. It broke my heart to tell her we had to save the food. The very little food Nathan had packed wouldn't last us more than a day. Nathan had mentioned briefly about exercising a search in the local dollar general store which was only a couple block away. Pais immediately expressed her disdain for the idea of him leaving and I had to agree with her, splitting up was a bad idea; but also all of us going would be a worse idea due to the fact that Pais would be in danger. Actually, to be honest Pais out there would be in more danger than the fact that she's sitting in this house with us. As long as we are together we should be okay.
    I got up from sitting on the couch next to Pais and walked over to Nathan. I continue down to the bedroom where he was studying a map while taking count of the bullets/weapons we had. I lean in the doorframe and clear my throat.
    "Ah, hey Anna." Nathan says looking up from the rifles in his lap.
    I walk over to the bed and sit next to him. "I think we all should go to the dollar general store."
    "No, I'm not putting the both of you in that danger, it could be overrun." He says shaking his head firmly.
    "Well, I'm not letting you go alone!" I say back to him defensively. "I'm not a damsel in distress, I can take care of myself and Pais at the same time."
    "I'm not saying you can't. What I'm saying is I couldn't live with myself if you two got bit..." He trails off.
    "You can't shelter us, whether you like it or not. Pais and I need to be able to take care of ourselves. For example, If I let you go off to the store by yourself and you never came back, we'd be more screwed than if we went with you. We are stronger together." I tell him, feeling a bit more inspiring than I meant to be.
    "What if you and I went and we left Pais 'ere, hid 'er in the laundry room or somethin'? We would have to walk, the truck would attract 'em for miles" He pleads.
    "Listen to that, does that really sound smart to you?" I ask him, cocking an eyebrow.
    "No." He says lowering his head.
    "It's settled then, we all will go to the general store." I finish.
    "I'm sorry for wantin' leave. It's all my fault." Nathan says.
    "It's just as much my fault as it is yours." I tell him back.
    "But if I never had brought up leaving, they never would've seen our tail lights leave the cabin." He says and his facial expressions contort into sorrow and guilt.
    I sigh and comfortingly place my hand on his shoulders and turn him to face me.
    "Listen to me, no matter how guilty you feel, nothing is entirely your fault. Maybe if we wouldn't have left we all would've been taken by those people, we need to live in the present not the past and be grateful for how things have turned out. My parents died in a car crash and I was on the phone. I spent months feeling guilty for being the possible reason my mom was distracted, but I've realized there's nothing I can do about it now. Living in the past caused me to lose my sanity and relationship with my boyfriend and daughter." I say to him, feeling as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I haven't talked out loud about my parents and their death, this is the first time I've really said it out loud and accepted it.
    At least my Parents don't have to live through this, having to fear for their lives and survive against flesh eating monsters. One thing I am grateful for is that Thomas and Charlotte are safe, as far as I know. I would kill to see them again, but I can sleep soundly at night knowing they are safe in a bunker. I can't let my paranoia and anxiety deter my focus from the mini family I am in right now.
    "Thank you, Anna." Nathan says and pulls me in for a hug.
    I hug him back and I say with an awkward chuckle, "And to think I thought you were an asshole."
    Nathan breaks the hug and gives me a genuinely hurt look, I smile uncomfortably back at him.
"Ha, I don't blame ya." He says,
I slap his chest and chuckle lightly saying, "You jerk! I was trying to prepare myself for an awkward apology after you gave me that look!"
We both laugh and then he tells me that we should leave tomorrow morning for the General Store at first light.
~~~
    I look out the window in the kitchen to see the sun just starting to rise over the horizon. I look at the living room and see Nathan and Paislee both spread out across the couch, most of Nathan hanging off the couch. Nathan and I had switched shifts for sleeping, making sure the house was secure while the other slept. Granted, I let Nathan sleep longer, my body just wouldn't let me sleep. Also, I had a lot of time to think about yesterday's events while I kept watch. Nothing had alerted me throughout the night, although Nathan said he'd killed a walker on the front porch while he was on watch.
    It felt odd sleeping in a bed other than the loft. I guess since we'd been in the cabin none of us let it dawn on us that just outside our front door was an apocalypse full of flesh eating monsters. I wondered where Keith, Maya, and Brent were. I knew I had to stay strong for them though, breaking down wouldn't help me find them.
    "Mornin' Anna." I hear Nathan say groggily, getting up and stretching. "I'm gonna be honest, this couch is too small for me and Pais."
    "You could've slept in the bedroom," I say then use a mocking voice to continue with, "But no..."
    "Like you said, we shouldn't split up." He says jokingly.
    Just then, I hear a thud sound from the front door and my head whips in the direction of it
    "It's probably just a walker." Nathan says rigidly.
    "I can take care of it." I volunteer suddenly confident in my killing abilities.
    "I'll supervise you, Miss. Zombie Slasher." He says skeptically.
    I shake my head and pull my knife out of my back pocket as we head out through the back door into the garage, I walk quickly so we don't leave Pais alone for long. I ready my knife we leave the garage and are out on the sidewalk. I look to the right side of the house to see a rotten female corpse banging up against the front door. Her right arm is hanging limp, almost as if it was knocked out of socket and her hair is patchy like it was pulled out. My footsteps make some noise and her head whips in my direction, sensing the live flesh that I am. She starts dragging herself towards me, the hunger within her pushing her forward. I meet her halfway and grab her the shirt and impale my knife into the right side of her skull. Her growls halt and her eyes go blank. She slumps to the floor, but I remove my knife before she can pull me with her.
    "Not too bad for a rookie." Nathan says with a grimace.
    "Oh, and you're a master?" I say sarcastically. "You've been killing these things just as long as I have, you just happen to have killed more." I chuckle.
    "Touche." He says pointing at me as he turns around to go back into the garage and I follow.
    I close the door behind me as I re-enter the house. I continue walking through the hall towards the living room. My gaze focuses on Nathan as Paissle comes up from his side and jumps into his arms.
    "You guys left me!" She cries out, clearly terrified.
    "Hey Hey, Sweetie. Anna and I just went to get rid of a monster." Nathan reassures her softly.
    I walk towards them faster and whisper in Pais's ear, "We would never leave you Pais."
    Pais snuggles into the crook of Nathan's shoulder as he holds her. I frown as I realize this little girl doesn't get to have a normal childhood. She'll never get to experience going to school, or playing with her friends. This girl will be growing up in a violent, and survivalist world. I know there is no going back to way the things were, it's been over two months. If there had been any sign of re-establishing life it would've been broadcasted.
    I'm knocked out of my thoughts when Nathan puts Pais down and asks me, "Are we ready to get going?"
~~~
    I walk next to Nathan, Pais in my arms, as I look forward to spot the dollar general store. We've been walking for about 10 minutes and encountered about 10 zombies on our way. We would spot them off in someone's yard chasing a squirrel or they would be milling around in the road. Those one's Nathan would take care of, his motto was: If they aren't in our way it's not worth the manpower to kill.
    "We're here." Nathan says grimly.
    I look around the small parking lot to see one singular car parked. I look at Nathan and silently notify him about the car, he nods.
    "I'll go in first, scope it out and then I'll bring y'all in." Nathan explains as he nears the front doors.
    I walk to the sidewalk that is up against the building and scan the surrounding area. I can hear Nathan, using a crow bar he'd found in the garage, prying open the automatic doors. In the distance, from the way he came, there were two zombies hobbling down the road.
    "Hey Nathan, there's a few zombies." I warn him, giving him a heads up. "I think I should go finish them off."
    "No, you can't leave Pais and I can't take her. It'll be fine, 'gimme a min and you guys can get in here." He says and I believe him at first, but after I see more following them my anxiety kicks in.
    "Nathan! There's more of them!" I yell at him.
    "I'm hurrying Anna! The door is almost open and then I will sweep it fast!" He yells back at me, clearly rushing.
    I keep my eyes trained on the small zombie horde bounding towards us. The first two were almost close to the very edge of the parking lot. I look at Pais and she notices the monsters, her eyes start to water and she cries out, "Monsters!"
    "I'm in Anna, just let me sweep the store!" I hear Nathan call out.
    I look back at the first zombies and see them entering the parking lot, Nathan isn't gonna clear the whole store in time. I look at Pais and hug her tight, but then put her down. I have to buy us some time, if I can pick off a few of them it'll give Nathan more time.
    I lean down to Pais's eye level and some tears stream down her face. I tell her, "Stay here Pais, I will be right back. Do Not Move."
    I run off to kill the first few zombies and I look back to see Pais still standing in the place I left her. I turn back my attention to the two zombies in front me wanting to tear into my flesh. I ready my knife that was in my back pocket and wield it out in front of me. The first disgusting creature bares its teeth at me and I kick my foot right in the back of its knee, causing the monster to fall to the ground. It growls out in alarm just before I bring my right hand down, holding my knife, into the mushy skull of the murderous creature in front of me. I pull my knife out of the new cavity in the zombie's skull as it makes a splooge sound which splatters blood all over my shirt. I whip my head to look in front of me to see the face of the second zombie right in front of me. I bring up my right to try and stab it to give me some grip to push it away. My knife finds its way into the collarbone area of the second zombie I use the new strength given to push it down onto the ground. It growls and claws at the skin from where my jean ends to wear my shoes start, it's ragged nails dig into my skin and with fury I pull the knife out and bring it down hard into the eye socket of the monster.
    "Bloody hell." I say to myself as I pull up my jeans to reveal three fresh and angry-looking scratches.
    I put my pant leg back down and look in front of me to see at least 15 zombies continuing to wobble towards us. A high-pitched scream sounds as I whip my head around. I search for the scream and see Nathan come sprinting out of the dollar general. He looks around furiously, I'm assuming to search for Paislee and myself.
    "Nathan!" I yell out to him.
    His head whips in my direction and I can see his face turn from curious to a look of horror. I hear him scream out, "Turn aro-"
    Then, I feel a cold and slimy dead hand grasp my hand, pushing me down. I scream out loud as a zombie almost takes a chunk out of my shoulder. I take my knife and haphazardly slash at its arm, trying to cut it off of me. I use my other hand to push it off of me, it's slimy skin peeling up under my hands as I struggle to fight off the zombie. I finally cut off the arm and bring up the knife into it's temple with a fury and fear I didn't know I had. I look towards the horde to see it nearing me even more now. I turn around, knife in hand, and see Pais is gone from the place I'd left her.
    "Fuck." I curse to myself under my gasps for air as I start to sprint across the parking lot.
    I scream out her name as I hear her scream again, this time it's from around the corner of the dollar general. I round the corner to see Pais staring at Nathan, demolishing a walker right in front of her. His grunts as he continuously brings the crow bar down on the zombie's head.
    "Hey! Nathan!" I yell at him and he head whips to face me.
    I run to Pais and scoop her up in my arms and I hear Nathan running towards the front doors of the store, "C'mon, incoming zombies!" Nathan cries out, ushering us in.
    My shirt starts to grow wet in my shoulder area, from Pais's tears. Once through the two sets of automatic doors, Nathan starts to lock the door with a key and pile things in front of the doors. I put pais down right in front of the second set of doors and start to help Nathan. Despite Pais's cries, I had to put her down.
    "There's so many of them." I hear Nathan say hoarsely.
    "We just have to make sure both doors are secured." I tell him and continue to pile things in front of the first door, boogie boards, lawn chairs, carts.
    "Ok, I think this is enough. If they get through that we can exit through the roof." Nathan says, with an exasperated sigh.   
    I turn around and dust off my hands on my pants. I see Nathan walk towards Pais with his arms open for her to run into them. She backs up with sniffles and looks terrified. Nathan turns around to look at me and the hurt in his face is indistinguishable. I walk towards Pais and she runs towards me, wrapping herself around my feet. I wince out in pain as her hands graze the scratches.
    "Are you okay?" Nathan says with a puzzled look.
    "Yea... I'm fine, it's just a scratch." I reply nervously.
    I look down to see Pais pulling up my pant leg to reveal the gnarly scratches. They were already weeping due to the irritation. I sat down and stretched out my and lightly poked at the first jagged line.
    "Was it a... zombie?" I hear Nathan ask.
    "No it was a dog." I reply sarcastically with a serious face.
    "Now isn't the time for sarcasm." Nathan replies.
    "Well, I guess nothing seems to be the right time!" I snap back.
    Nathan shuts up and goes off down the aisles.
    "I'm goin' to look for some first aid supplies." Nathan says flatly.
~~~
    Pais was sitting over by the cash register playing with a doll Nathan had found in the aisles, while he cleaned my wound with hydrogen peroxide and I bit my lip. He continues to work in silence as he bandages my ankle.
    "You know, I should be the one fixing myself up. I am the med student." I joke lightly, trying to lighten up the mood.
    The fresh and constance groans of the dead outside, was beginning to make splendid background noise.
    "Pais is scared of me. I can see it in 'er eyes." Nathans says looking down.
    "No she isn't-." I start.
    "Yea she is. I fucked up that zombie right in front of her." He says,
    "She'll be fine, this is how the world is now. She is going to see much worse things." I explain to him.
    "You don't think the world is gonna be coming back from this?" He asks hopefully.
    "If we were, there would've been signs." I tell him.
    "I was just hoping maybe it'd all go back to normal." He says.
    "Well, right now it isn't. We have to live day by day." I reply.
    He nods and finishes, bending my knee to marvel at his masterful first aids skills.
    "Tell me that isn't the best wound dressin' you've ever seen." He says jokingly.
    "It isn't." I tell him, laughing.
~~~ 5  days later
It was safe here, zombie-free inside, and had plenty of food to eat. Pais was safe and happy, that's all that mattered. Suddenly, a loud bang sounds from the front door and Nathan rushes towards it to check. I walk towards him, the pain in my ankle more of a slight burn.
    "They aren't getting through are they?" I ask him, terrified.
    "Not for awhile. I think one of the zombies got shot." He replies, confused.
    "That's impossible. Neither of us killed it." I reply now also confused.
    "Look at it, can 'ya see it all slumped down over there?" Nathan says pointing to the lower left corner of the glass door.
    "Ya it was shot alright." I agree with him.
    Suddenly, another loud bang is heard and I crouch to the ground while covering my ears. Then another one rings out, it must be a gun. Someone is shooting the zombies! I stand back up and look through the door to see a grey minivan outside and a younger boy holding out a hand gun.
    "Nathan! Someone is out there!" I yell as the zombies turn away from the door and towards the guy with the gun.
    "What the hell!" Nathan exclaims.
    More shots ring out and I see three more people step out of the van.