Self-Preservation

Chapter 6

The next morning was chaotic, hardly anyone had gotten any good sleep after we all returned inside. Maya was cooking pancakes on the stove with Brent organizing the fridge and cabinets. Keith was listening to the radio and cleaning his hunting gear in the front porch, but Nathan was nowhere to be seen in the cabin. Paislee was still sleeping peacefully by the time I had first heard life from downstairs it was 6 o'clock in the morning and I hadn't slept anything more than an hour. That chair wasn't very comfortable and thinking about the death of someone wasn't comfortable to sleep with.
"Hey, Annie, can you go check the jeep for the box of cinnamon toast crunch? I think it fell under the seats, I can't find it anywhere." Maya asked after I'd been sitting on the couch blankly staring at the tele for a good 15 minutes.
"Sure." I reply and walk through the front porch, greeting Keith on my way out.
I walked the thin gravel path towards the garage where Maya's jeep was parked in front of. The keys were in it and it was unlocked so I opened one of the back doors and stuck my head in to look around. There, underneath the back seat was the cinnamon toast crunch, stuck. I pried it out and closed the car door, then turned around to return back to the house. I glanced around the property, taking in the beauty of it in the morning. I happened to look at Rebecca's grave and there was Nathan. He was sitting criss-crossed at the foot of it; his mouth was moving, but I was too far away to hear what he was saying. He looks up and we make eye-contact so I wave awkwardly. He doesn't return the gesture and gets up rigidly. I stand there kind of annoyed that he didn't wave back as he makes his way towards the garage and shuts the door loudly behind him.
I decide to just brush it off as he's stressed from last night and wants to be left alone. So, I continue walking back to the cabin to give the boxed cereal to Maya. Keith stops me right before I enter the kitchen, he puts out his hand and asks me to wait.
"Don't take it personal, y'know Nathan. He's kind of an asshole especially when stuff like this happens." Keith warns me and I nod, signaling my understanding of what he meant.
He turns back to the disassembled gun in his lap and I go back to my original task: giving the cereal to Maya. Once I enter the kitchen I look to the place I'd last seen Maya: in the kitchen and find her at the same place except, Brent is with her. There, in front of the sink is Maya and Brent making out. Maya's leg was wrapped around his waist and his hands were in her hair. Now uncomfortable, I clear my throat to let them know I'm present.
Maya whips her head around and her cheeks immediately flush to a crimson color. Brent untangles himself from her and they both do not meet my eyes with their own. I decide to try and lessen the awkwardness aura in the air by handing Maya the cereal and retreating back to the living room. The tele was still playing static and the low noise was almost starting to become a good background. My phone hadn't received a text, call, or notification since the last time I'd talked to Thomas. It is starting to seem as though our little cabin was cut off from the outside world.
Suddenly I hear Paislee cry out for her mother and my heart shatters for her. I get up from the couch and take the stairs up to the loft, each step breaking my heart thinking about how this child will live without a mother for the rest of her life. Once I hit the final step I saw Paislee standing on top of the bed with tears streaming down her face. Her face was contorted into fear and confusion, I slowly inched towards the little girl so that I didn't scare her anymore than she already was. Her face transforms from fear to pure dread as she must remember last night's activities, burying her mum. Paislee's legs give out and she falls down onto the bed in a large hump! She started to cry more and I went to the bed and sat down on the end and I wrapped my arms around her. She put her head into the crook of my shoulder and I could feel the wetness of her tears start to dampen my shirt.
"Do you want to go see her?" I ask quietly.
Paislee removes her head from my shoulder and her big blue eyes sparkle with tears at me. She shakes her head warily and wipes her tears with her sleeve. I help her off the bed and I walk her down the stairs with her hand enclosed in mine. Hand in hand we both walked through the living room, kitchen, and finally the porch. When we were about to go through the porch door I looked back at Keith and could see in his eyes that his heart was also broken. I lead her down the gravel path and we walked through the grass to Rebecca's makeshift tombstone. We both sat down at the foot of the grave and I let Paislee soak in the realization of what her new life without her Mum will be like. Seeing Paislee, a now orphaned child, sitting at the grave of her mother makes me think of Charlotte. What if one day, soon, it'll be Charlotte sitting at a grave?
Suddenly, Paislee breaks the silence and whimpers out;
"Nathan told me to be strong. I don't want to be upset."
I look at the little girl, puzzled. When had Nathan talked to her and said that? Also, more importantly, why would he say something like that?
"When did he say that?" I ask quietly.
"After you all left my mommy and I in the garage he visited us... a couple times." She sniffles and wipes her tears with her sleeve. "I was sleeping and I woke up and heard mommy talking to someone and it was him. She went to sleep after that and he told me to be strong."
That's why he was wearing his boots when I went downstairs to the kitchen, he must've just came back from the garage. While my brain was comprehending the information I'd just received, Maya called out and said breakfast was ready. I got up and walked Paislee back into the cabin. By the time we were in the kitchen everyone was sitting down and munching away at pancakes, except for Nathan. Keith looked at me and I could tell he noticed the same thing I had.
"I'm going to collect Nathan." I say warily.
"Hurry up! The food is going to get cold!" Maya cries out as I walk through the porch.
I wave her off and let the porch door swing closed behind me. Outside, there were now a
few straggling, dark grey clouds looming around the sun. The wind has also started to pick up a little. The closer I got to the garage, I heard rustling. I open the door and mentally prepare myself to see the zombie Rebecca lunge out. With luck, there was no zombie, just Nathan standing with a garbage bag in his gloved hands. He was throwing away Rebecca's makeshift bed.
"What're you doing?" I ask cautiously, cocking my head to the side.
"Cleaning and disinfecting this mess." He says blatantly.
I take a step towards him and reach my hand out to his shoulder. Trying to be comforting because he is clearly trying to grieve, but in his own odd way. He turns around and I can see his eyes are rimmed red, but his face is as hard as stone. I look into his eyes and they seem clouded with something. Whether it be grief or something else, I cannot decipher.
"I know you were checking in with Rebecca and Paislee last night." I say.
"Maybe I was." He replies slyly.
"Despite your constant 'I don't give a bloody hell' demeanor, admit it, you did care about Rebecca and Paislee." I counter him.
"I only cared about Paislee, ok?" He says clearly getting hostile.
"Why?" I question him, egging him on.
"Because she reminds me of-" He starts, but then stops mid-sentence. His entire demeanor changes and he seems like a sad little boy. His eyebrows crinkle together and the corners of his lips turn downwards. His sudden vulnerability makes me empathize for him, so I move closer and wrap my arms around his torso. His rigid frame was still tight as he adjusted to my sudden empathetic gesture. He slowly also wrapped his arms around me and let out a breath, like he'd been holding it in.
~~~ 2 Months Later~~~
Our food within the house had quickly dwindled away, despite Keith's many attempts at rationing. After one week of staying at the cabin, the tele and radio went silent. There were no more warning broadcasts, it was completely silent with static. Nathan and I grew closer surprisingly because of Paislee, it was like we were co-parenting the girl. Despite the rare occasion that Nathan and I went out to try and hunt for game. Brent, Keith, and Nathan went out early on most days to hunt, but usually came back around 10, sometimes sporting a rabbit, squirrel, or on special occasions a deer. Nathan would usually go back out later that night and I would tag along as an excuse for me to practice shooting. I'd become quite the marksman, according to Nathan. Brent and Keith had taught Maya how to shoot after they were sufficient with my shooting skills. Little Paislee had adjusted as well as possible to us being her new caretakers. Paislee slept in the loft with me. Usually I couldn't sleep and would sit in the chair reading or looking out the window. It was an odd adjustment going from escaping reality and my emotions by sleeping to staying awake due to anxiety about the outside world. Our cabin hasn't seen any zombies, besides Rebecca, we haven't seen any other humans either.
The people within our cabin grew more stir crazy by the day, especially Paislee. She was always dying to go out hunting with the boys or myself, despite her age. She of course was not allowed, due to the clear danger of a young child around guns.
Nathan had suggested one day that we venture into town and see what has happened/been
going on.Everyone immediately expressed their disdain for the idea. But, I could see where Nathan's logic was coming from. Keith and I also had grown closer over the months, he sort of became like the father of the group. He would take me on walks in the woods a couple times a week, and call it patrolling the perimeter I'm assuming to check for any signs of zombies. He would tell me about his deceased wife, Evelin. She died around 15 years ago, but the sweetest thing is that he would still talk about her as if she were waiting at home for him.
It was now around midnight and I stumble down the stairs and into the kitchen. I was parched, so I turn on the faucet and stick my head underneath it to get a drink of water. There was Nathan, perched on the counters again, just like the night of Rebecca's death. He greeted me. Despite his common arsehole mood swings, he was actually a pretty tolerable person to be around. He would tell me about his party-filled life in highschool and all the crazy things he'd done in Uni. Nathan had gone to Uni on a full ride scholarship for football, he was training to be in the NFL before he tore his ACL. It'd healed months before the apocalypse happened but his coach said it was too life-threatening to let him back on the field. So, Nathan spent his time co-coaching highschool football teams. I will give it to the man, he did have a way with children.
"I want to go int'a town Anna." He blurts out and looks up at me.
"I don't blame you, I would want too also. But, we can't just leave, the others wouldn't have it." I reply, wiping the excess water from around my mouth.
"I could make it so that they'd never know I'd be gone." He replies and I look at his lap to see a map of Wisconsin in it.
"You know I would never let you go alone. That could possibly be a suicide mission." I reply, disappointed that he would think I could let him leave like that.
I held a soft spot for him in my heart, hell also for everyone else in this cabin. Nathan was beginning to be like that annoying older brother I'd never had. Sure, he got on my nerves and I wanted to slap him, which on some occasions I did, but I could still enjoy his company when he wasn't being an arse.
"I can't just stay in this cabin, not with the entire world outside of these trees. We are shielded from everything going on outside, this means we're vulnerable to the dangers of what could happen."
"Don't you think if the world was all fine again, there'd have been tele broadcastings?" I ask crossing my arms.
"Maybe they haven't gotten that far and are still pickin' up the pieces. What I'm tryin' to say is that we need to make contact with the outside world or other survivors."
"What's your plan then?" I ask him, deciding I can't just let him run off into the woods alone.
"Okay hear me out, we leave as soon as possible. While everyone is sleeping, we can sneak off in my pa's truck and head into Winston. This way we can see everything and we have the truck so we see a lot of zombies we can just drive off quickly." He says with some wild hand gestures to prove his point.
"Sounds about as good as it gets. I don't like the idea of going in the dark, but we don't have any other choice." I respond and we head off to gather some items before we load into the truck.
Nathan threw a black backpack into the back seat which I'm assuming has our supplies. He layed two hunting knives beside it and a hunting rifle. The other hunting rifle leaning against the console. As the closer we became to leaving, the more a feeling of something grew in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't tell if it was dread or anxiety, it was just a feeling I couldn't shake.
Nathan snapps me out my daze by asking, "Ready?"
I nod my head in response and I watch as the cabin starts to get farther and farther away. We continue down the long and turny driveway until we hit the old highway that leads to Winston. I keep my head turned around to see out the back of the truck and farther down the road which went down a hill. I look at the desolate highway and see a glimmer of something in the distance, a yellow light, but it quickly disappears. I turn around and think that I was just seeing things, I'm probably just tired from being up at midnight.
"Grab one of the CD's in your door." Nathan calls out, not removing his eyes from the road.
I look to my right and see pocket coming out of the door and shuffle through the CD cases until I find a suitable one. The Beach Boys' hits. I open the case for him and hand it to him and he inserts it into the CD player with one hand. The Beach Boy's voice fills the truck and for a split second that pit in my stomach goes away as Nathan and I start singing along.
~~~
I looked at the sign to my right and read 'Winston, home of the Trouts! Population: 2,500.' I kept my eyes trained on it as it flew passed me and darkened as the truck's headlights didn't hit it anymore. Winston was completely deserted, I could see the outlines of broken down cars with all of their doors wide open. In front of us there were two cars crashed into each other, blocking our way through.
"The Krist is right over there," Nathan says pointing in front of him and slightly towards our left. "I think we could scavenge some stuff from there, and possibly siphon some more fuel from these cars. But, we're gonna have to walk."
"It looks pretty deserted to me, about the same as it had been when we first went to the cabin. Besides this." I say gesturing towards the crash right in front of us.
"Yea, let's get our stuff. I'll wear the backpack." Nathan says turning off the ignitions and pulling the keys out to discard them in his front jean pocket, then grabbing his own rifle.
I get out of the car myself and meet him on the other side of the back of the truck. He grabs the back pack and pulls out two flashlights and a pair of goggles. Then he hands me a knife and a trusty hunting rifle. Nathan puts his knife in a belt holder
He holds up the goggles and says, "These are night vision goggles, we used to track deer with them when it was too dark in the morning."
I nod and hold my rifle as he shoulders the backpack and closes the doors. Then, we both move towards the toolbox of the truck, he puts a key in it. It springs open and it's mostly just full of hunting vests and some stuff to set up a deer stand. Nathan digs around in it until he hits the bottom and he pulls out a long corrugated tube.
"My Pa told me to clean out the toolbox before we left, I didn't. We had to siphon some gas from an old beat down tractor to another for our neighbor, and I guess I forgot to give it back to him." Nathan says with a forced chuckle.
I turn on the flashlight and point it away from the now, night-vision-goggled Nathan. I look around to see garbage discarded all over the road and sidewalks. We walked around the crash and I stopped for a second to look inside. The first car that had been driving out of town had its hood all scrunched up like an accordion. Inside the driver's head was missing, like someone had chopped it clean off. The smell was like the kind of smell of rotten eggs, cheese, and milk all mixed together to make the odor of death. I leaned my head out and gagged as I could see his neck bone and some arteries. Never in Medical School had I been prepared to see this kind of gore. The other car that must've triggered the crash, I didn't even bother to look in.
Nathan looked at me and I couldn't see his face since it was mostly covered by the goggles, but I could barely see that his lips were pressed in a grim line. We continued walking side by side and every-so-often I would wave my flashlight around checking our surroundings. Right before we hit the gas pumps of the Krist, there was a puddled of dried blood and some dried brain matter. Nathan looked down at it and we both tried to ignore it as we neared the Krist. The only light illuminating the parking lot was my flashlight and the moon and stars. Nathan brought his rifle up to his shoulder, ready to aim and shoot and I did the same. He peered through the glass doors and I dimmed my flashlight, making sure to turn it away from Nathan.
He moved away from in front of the door and stood up against the wall. I leaned up against the opposite side and listened to him whisper, "There's bodies in there."
My eyes widen and I hear him whisper again, "I don't see any zombies though."
I shrug in response and we push forward through the doors, both of our weapons ready. The doors close behind us and I turn my flashlight around to see at least ten bodies lying on the floor. I shove my gun into my armpit and continued inspecting the bodies. They hadn't turned because there were bullet holes in their head. I look around the corpses, covering my nose and mouth from the rotting stench. I reach one corpse, it was a man with priest clothes on. He had a gun in his hand. He must've killed himself and I'm assuming all these other people did too. I look around to see the aisles still tipped over from when we here months ago. I look at the bathroom doors to see them open and two zombies coming out of them. I tap Nathan's shoulder vigorously and he turns around and pulls his gun up. These two zombies had their jaws hanging by a thread, but that didn't stop them from stumbling towards us. I cover my ears, attempting to deafen out a bit of the gunshot noise. Just as the first one gets within 10 feet of him, Nathan shoots it right between the eyes and it slumps to the ground. The next one follows suit, not even caring about the fate that it's about to have at the hand's of Nathan's rifle.
Suddenly, I feel a cold hand claw at my back, I flip around to see the cold, dead eyes of another zombie staring back at me, its jaw hanging like the other two zombies. I bring my foot up and kick it backwards, buying myself enough time to shove my flashlight into my mouth and aim at it. I start to train my eye at it's head as it grows nearer and nearer by the second along with the foul stench of rotten meat it had. It reaches it cold dead hands out for me and I pull the trigger. The deafening sound of the shot fills my head with a rigning and the knockback, throwing my balance off and pushing me towards Nathan and my teeth quivering around the flashlight. He catches me with his arms in my armpits, creating a basket-like effect. I get out of his arms quickly and spit the flashlight out into my hand. I look at the zombie to see it lying on the ground, it's forehead now barely visible with the splatter of gunshot holes.
"Dead Shot." Nathan whispers with a slight smirk as he inspects the zombie.
I follow suit and a dread falls upon me as I look at the three corpses all having one thing in common, their jaws blown out by a gun. I pity these people, zombies, corpses, or whatever you'd call them. They all killed themselves, but these three mustn't have aimed the gun right as when they pulled the trigger it sent the bullet into their ear/jawbone. That's why they came back, they didn't stop the brain properly. Their Priest must've been taking care of them and decided it was better off being dead than being in this world, no matter the amount of sins they'd committed by exercising suicide.
Nathan starts leaning up some of the aisle shelves to rummage through the mess of items on the floor that had fallen off of them. I mimic him and try to find anything that could be of use. As we both rustle through the contents on the floor, a hard thump sounds from the front door. I turn my head cautiously and slowly to look at the glass door. Outside, there were at least four zombies rubbing up against the pull part of the door, if there were any more behind them I couldn't tell. I look at Nathan anxiously and see him zip his now full backpack back up and shoulder it.
"I need you to let 'em in one at a time." He says carefully. "I don't think I can take all four of them on at the same time."
I nod and tip-toe towards the door. I look at Nathan standing as far back from the door as possible. His gun already cocked on his shoulder and his finger already perched on the trigger. I nod at him to signal that I'm about to go and he nods back in response. I open the push part of the door slightly and the zombie pushes the door open forcefully knocking me a bit slightly. It doesn't notice me and goes straight towards Nathan, I push up against the door trying to cut off the second one from coming in. I hear the shot sound through the room and I push harder, starting to amputate the stray arm of a zombie. The zombie pushes back, trying to force its way in.
"Next one." I hear Nathan call out and I let up pushing on the door and the second one comes flying in.
I push back again trying to shut the door, my arms starting to rise up the door from the amount of pressure I'm exerting. The third zombie is much stronger as it pushes back against me, throwing my to floor. The door flies open and the third and fourth zombie barge into the entry. I back away from the door, scrambling to pick up my gun and help Nathan. I hear the door swing closed, trapping us both in here. I start to push myself up when I bump into a body. Nathan sounds off another bullet and I run towards him with my gun up. I see Nathan holding off the fourth zombie as he struggles to aim at the zombie at such close proximity. Nathan uses his gun to push the zombie back a few feet and I waste no time to make my shot. The bullet flies towards the zombie and hit it right in the upper neck. I mentally curse and aim to take another shot, but Nathan beats me to it. Shooting the zombie dead.