Self-Preservation

9

Chapter 8
    "Come on! Help me move this shit!" Nathan shouts at me and I quickly start to get the chairs out of the doors.
    "What if these people are bad?" I ask him, worried.
    "They're clearing the zombies out for us, even if they are going to try to we need a way out. They'd make it in here one way or another. I can't see who they are though." He explains and I nod in agreeance.
    I turn around after I get the final chair out from in front of the door and run to Pais.
    "You go talk to them Nathan, I'll take Pais and hide until you come back saying it's safe." I tell him, caring whether or not he would listen.
    "Okay. Go into the closet with the ladder to the roof. I will come back and get you if it's safe. If I don't, leave." He says solemnly.
    I take Pais into my arms, her new toy elephant in her arms, and grab the two backpacks of supplies we had. They were now freshly packed with non-perishables, courtesy of Nathan. I walked to the back by the cards and there was a door labeled Store Personnel Only. I pushed open the door and locked it behind me. It was pitch black and the electricity was out, so the only thing illuminating the small closet was the old flashlight from the cabin Nathan had in his backpack. Pais sniffled and whined as we heard shots go off. My heart dropped, fear rising, and anxiety skyrocketing. What if that shot was at Nathan? I climbed slightly up the ladder and pushed open the ceiling hatch. I climbed back down and went to Pais to pick her up.
    "I'm going to put you up the ladder, you stay up there. I'll be right behind you." I tell her calmly, trying not to show any emotion.
    Pais smiled and giggled, "Uppy-Uppy!"
    I smile back at her and lift her up the ladder and onto the top of the roof, before I set her down I peek around the surface. The ceiling is clear and has a lip/wall around the sides. That'd make it a bit hard to get down from here, unless there's a ladder somewhere. I put Pais down and pat her head and tell her firmly, "Stay here this time Pais, you could fall and hurt yourself if you don't."
    She nods and has a serious face, I pray to god she listens this time. I climb back down the ladder and leave the hatch open so I can keep an eye one her from down here. I put my ear to the door and listen for any movement that might be going on outside. I hear muffling and some shuffling, my heart starts to beat against my chest along with my breathing beginning to quicken. I try to calm down my breaths so I can hear.
    "Anna." I hear Nathan say.
    I freeze and attempt to contemplate whether or not to open the door. I look back up through the hatch at Pais and she giggles back at me.
    "Anna..." I Hear him say again, this time in more of a begging tone.
    I wince and yell out, "Are you alone?"
    "No," He says back.
    "I swear to god Nathan, if you are shitting me. I will kill you."I say back venomously.
    I slowly and carefully unlock the door and back away from it. I watch as the handle jiggles and the door slowly creaks open; the light from the windows on the main floor illuminating the dark closet. The door opens fully and I see Nathan barely standing up properly. I run to him just as he starts to fall unsteadily into me, groaning.
    "What the hell happened!" I yell at him.
    I look into his face and it's pale, the color gone. He's sweating and is clearly fatigued.
    "Bre-Brent killed them, they shot m-me." He says through exasperated breaths.
    I almost drop Nathan at the mention of Brent's name. This can't be, Brent couldn't possibly be out there. Suddenly, Nathan collapses and I lay him up against the fall in the closet.
    "Nathan! Where'd they shoot you?" I ask him, lightly slapping his face.
    He dazedly looks at me and says, "My bicep. I'm o-okay Anna, I just need to sit down for a minute."
    I look up through the hatch to see Pais playing peacefully with her elephant on the roof. She giggles as she moves it around like it's flying. First, I pull up his shirt to expose the flesh wound on his shoulder. Next, I climb up the ladder and grab Pais, she cries out as she drops her Elephant on the roof. I snatch it and climb back down the ladder to set Pais down on the floor, right across from Nathan. I undo the belt around my waist and walk towards Nathan.
    "Okay, I'm going to use my belt as a tourniquet. It might hurt, but you're going to have to push through." I tell him, in my most professional voice possible.
    "Brent is out-" Nathan starts to yell, but winces. "-there." He finishes.
    "Yea, yea, I'll take care of that after I put this on you." I tell him, trying to calm him down.
    I put the belt around the top of his arm, as high up as I can, and tighten it. He winces in pain as I secure the belt.
    "Go get Br-Brent." He spits out through gritted teeth.
    I stand up and turn out of the closet and stomp through the store and out into the parking lot. I shield my eyes as the sun blinds me and my eyes focus on the horror scene laid out in front of me. The overwhelming sobbing sounds caught my attention as I swiveled my head to my right. There was the familiar body of Brent cowering over a dead man's body. I pull out my knife from my pocket and ready myself for anything he might do. I don't know what he's been through or what he's done since I last saw him, he could be an entirely different person. I approach him swiftly yet silently, his head whips in my direction as I come within five feet of him. His face is streaked with tears and splattered with blood.
    "Anna?" He asks, his voice cracking.
    "It's me, Brent." I say back.
    "Anna, I-I killed these people." He says and lets out a guttural sob.
    "You had to protect Nathan from them." I say trying to make him feel better.
    "These people are dead because of me. I've killed so many zombies, but they weren't people." He explains to me.
    "I know Brent, right now we have to take care of ourselves. That's just how the world is now." I reply coldly.
    "I don't want'a be that way though." He says backs, clearly torn between the two.
    "You don't have a choice anymore." I tell him. "You need to come into the store, its dangerous out here."
    Brent doesn't reply and instead, puts his head into his hands and sobs more. My heartbroke for him, but another part of me was wanting him to just suck it up. This was me mere months ago, but that's not who I am now. I am strong and independent now; fighting for my life and others.
    "Brent. We have to go." I tell him firmly.
    I move closer to him and help bring him to his feet. I help guide him out of the parking lot and back into the dollar general. His steps were weak and begrudging, but we got inside safely. The car that Brent came in would be something we would take care of later. Right now, I need to tend to Nathan and figure out what the hell we are going to do from here.
    Once Brent was in the store I slide the door shut, restacking the chairs in front of them. Making sure to put some shelving units or displays in the mix to give some more security. I look at Brent to see him standing there, lost in thought.
    "Brent, follow me. I'm going to need your help with Nathan's arm." I tell him and I walk towards the closet.
    Once I reach the closet Pais comes running out and into Brent's arms. She cries out in joy as he lifts her up and spins her around. He finishes spinning her and hugs her tight in his arms. Tears, again, threatening to spill out of his eyes.
    "She's okay." He says though sniffles.
    "She is, we went back to the cabin and found her hiding." I tell him.
    "Maya put her there when she saw the people get out of the car." Brent explains after putting down Pais.
    "I assumed so. I knew you guys wouldn't leave her, if you didn't have to.
    "We had no choice, they had so many guns." He explains. "Maya is back at their camp, Keith is in their infirmary. The guys hurt him pretty bad, you and I both know he isn't very good at taking other people's orders." Brent says and chuckles dryly.
    "Yea," I reply back.
    I walk into the closet and Nathan immediately looks up at me with a tight-lipped smile. His face sweaty and pale. The wound on his arm is now bleeding a bit less, but still significant. I go to our backpack, which is placed next to him, and look for the first aid kit we'd packed. Finally, I find it and open it up to remove the gauze, antiseptic, tweezers, and bandages.
    "This is going to hurt, isn't it?" Nathan asks desperately.
    "I'm not going to say it won't." I say back and flash him a light smile.
    I take off my jacket and give it to him to put in his mouth to bite down on if anything hurts. I take the tweezers and hold the flashlight in my mouth as I start to inspect his wound. I lift up his arm, ever so slightly, and look at the back of the arm. Thankfully, the bullet went all the way through (about as cleanly as it could) so I don't have to use the tweezers. I put the tweezers down and pick up the gauze and antiseptic. Nathan's face turns an even paler shade as he sees me undo the lid and pour some onto the gauze.
    "This might sting." I say and bite my lip nervously.
    Nathan nods and closes his eyes and prepares to bite down on my jacket. I put the gauze behind the wound and start to pour the antiseptic on the wound. It hisses and fizzles while Nathan groans through the jacket and his body tenses.
~~~
    After I finished cleaning and dressing Nathan's wound Brent helped me move him onto a couple of dogs beds we found, which we made into a makeshift bed. Nathan was exhausted and immediately passed out, we also fed Pais some dried apple slices we'd found in the aisles. Brent was acting much better and more like himself now. I think killing someone is a life changing action which may take time to heal from, but Brent understands we have a task already at hand: surviving.
    I look up from the bag of chips in my lap and ask Brent, "So, tell me about that night."
    Brent sighs and starts telling me the story, "Maya had seen you two leave, she'd been up all that night. She'd had nightmares and couldn't go to sleep so she went out int'a the porch to sit an' read, that's when she saw you guys leave. Maya ran out through the porch door and tried chasin' y'all, but stopped once she reached the start of the treeline. She told me she ran back inside to wake me up. She told me y'all left and I went'a get Keith. Keith was pissed, he was about to go take Maya's jeep and speed off after y'all. He was going to if he hadn't seen those headlights comin' down the driveway. Keith stayed out there in the driveway while Maya and I stayed inside. She said to me I don't think that's them, and that's when she hid Pais. Keith was aggressive when they got out so they started shooting, he ran back inside and returned fire. They shot Keith and that's when they came in to ransack and they took Maya and I along with Keith's unconscious body after Maya begged the guy leading them."
    "I'm sorry we left." I tell him.
    "I am too." Brent says and we both fall into a semi-awkward quiet.
~~~
    I look out of the remaining glass from the doors and see the moon standing tall. There were a few roaming zombies out on in the parking lot, but they didn't seem to impose any threat at the moment. Everyone was sleeping and I stayed on watch, I slept for about an hour before I woke up and took Brent's place two hours earlier. Nathan has been peacefully snoring since he first laid in the dog beds. I've spent a lot of time thinking, especially about Charlotte and Thomas, my parents even crossed my mind. I pretended they were with me and I told them about the virus and the apocalypse. I even told them how guilty I had felt and how much I missed Thomas and Charlotte. The idea of the bunker Thomas and Charlotte were in presented a fun idea of safety in my head and being able to get to them.
    A low groan sounds through the building and I immediately match that sound to Nathan, he must be waking up. I get up from the place I was sitting at and stop by the medicine aisle to grab him some painkillers. Once I had chosen him a few good ones I went to his bed. He was wincing as he tried to prop himself up against the wall that his bed was placed by. I rush to his side and hand him the water. He starts guzzling it down thirstily and some even running a bit down his mouth.
    "How's the pain?" I ask him.
    "About 3x worse than when I tore my ACL back in college." He says and chuckles with a wince.
    "Pick your poison." I joke as I set out the three different types of pills I chose for him.
    He picks up the aleve and takes two as he downs them with the rest of his water.
    "I never said thank you." Nathan says as he turns his gaze to me.
    "No thank you needed." I reply light heartedly.
    "I mean it, thank you." He says genuinely.
    Suddenly, Nathan has turned into Thomas and he's looking at me the same way he did when I left England. Thomas or Nathan starts to lean in and I feel an invisible attraction to him. His lips finally brush up against mine and they feel just like Thomas's. I kiss him back and he brings his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him. I continue to keep my eyes closed as his hand roams my back. The heat between our kiss intoxicating as he nips at my bottom lip. The slight pain from the nip bursts my eyes open and it's not Thomas who's in front of me, it's Nathan. I move my lips away from his and wiggle out of his grasp.
    "Nathan..." I say breathily.
    He looks dazed and out of it, yet surprised. His eyes are wide open and he starts to open his mouth to say something, but closes it. I don't say anything, but his face frowns as I'm sure he can see my expression.
    "I'm sorry... I-I don't know why I did that." He fumbles with his words.
    "You're tired and in shock. It was a mistake and it won't happen again." I tell him carefully.
    "I'm sorry, I should've known better." Nathan apologizes.
    "It's late, you need to get more sleep." I tell him and with that, I walk away back to the place I was sitting at before.
    Once I sit down I collapse into silent sobs. They shake through my body until there aren't anymore tears left in my body. How could I do this to Thomas, why didn't I stop myself? Why... did I like it? These questions swirled through my mind as I thought of my family in England. What would Maya think of me?
~~~
    The sun peaking over the horizon came sooner than I thought, Pais was up just at the crack of dawn and was whining for food and something to drink. I let Brent sleep in a bit longer while I went to find some bottled water and powdered donuts. I continued down the aisles with Pais in my arms until I found the little debbies, she put out her hands to grab at the donuts until I picked them up and gave them to her.
    "What are you guys doin'?" I hear Nathan say behind us.
    "She was wanting some breakfast." I say as I boop her nose and she giggles.
    "Well I wouldn't mind some breakfast either." Nathan says with a light chuckle.