Burning Coldness | BXB

Burning Coldness 11: Regrets

|REGRETS|

2:30 in the morning. Andrew glanced at the clock, he lay awake for hours now. The only sound in his room was his labored breathing. What have I done? He couldn’t sleep as the flashes of the night replayed in his head. The way Nathaniel looked like when Andrew stripped him of his clothes, his long tanned legs, his hardened stomach, his firm chest caused Andrew’s breath to hitch in his throat as the thought about it.

Andrew could still vividly recall the feeling his sensitive area and cupping them in his hands. The way Nathaniel moaned in his ear, and the way he kissed him, the way his naked body glistened with sweat under the glow of moonlight, made Andrew throb with want again. He peered at the emptiness on the other side of his bed.

What have I done if he had said yes?

Andrew couldn’t help but wonder. At this moment, it all seemed like some strange dream. If not for the sweet soreness of his muscles, he would have certainly thought was.

I mean, how unbelievable this is. I had sex with Nathaniel twice. I would never in a thousand years believe that this could happen. Andrew mused to himself. What did I do it anyways, why did I seduce him? At the beginning it was all game, but how did I get from teasing to inviting him to stay over? Was I that swayed away by lust to allow myself to let guard down and especially, around him, the person I despise the most? Andrew sighed heavily into the night.

“I can’t. I don’t need to stay here.” Those words from Nathaniel’s mouth rung in his head all over again. He recalled standing naked and stunned in the living room, as Nathaniel gathered his clothes in frenzy and ran out of his house as if on fire.

I guess this is for the best. That’s what you get Andrew for sleeping with the enemy literally. He scuffed in the night. However, despite Andrew’s efforts to brush the rejection off as if it was nothing important, he was still deeply pained by it.

He worked hard all the time so that no one would be able of saying no to him, and Nathaniel threw it all in his face. And he did it in the worst possible moment, when he lowered his guard for a split second. The burning hatred spread through his body as he thought of that little moment when he felt all-familiar feeling, rejection. He had to get back to Nathaniel, show him that he can’t play with him as easy as that.

His mind was running wildly now, scanning through his written schemes to find a perfect idea for getting back to Nathaniel. But nothing seemed good enough since he never managed to destroy Nathaniel with any of his regular schemes.

Maybe, I was looking for a solution in a wrong way. Since Nathaniel didn’t have any vices maybe I should look at his virtues. Andrew mused as the little wheels in his mind started to turn in a right direction.

Finally, at this late time of the night a devious plan started forming in his head. I know exactly what to do. Andrew grinned devilishly, and finally closed his eyes, drifting away to what might happen next.

•••

Nathaniel certainly didn’t spend his weekend the way he imagined it. It consisted of stuffing with ice cream, avoiding Allysa, and moping around in the house with his video games. He didn’t cry though. In fact, he didn’t wanted to. He was sick of it. He was tired of crying out of pity for himself. He had enough of it.

Seriously? You’re just making yourself believe in things that won’t happen, never will, Nathaniel. Friday night he bawled his eyes out until he didn’t have any iota of energy to cry. He knew he look like hell, his cheeks were puffy, huge circles under his eyes and his hair disheveled but he didn’t care.