Burning Coldness | BXB

Burning Coldness 14: Supressed Emotions

|SUPRESSED EMOTIONS|

Andrew was eating an orange. Nathaniel’s pupils dilated as desire swarmed over him. Who eats an orange like this? Nathaniel almost moaned as he watched Andrew bite off another small piece. His lips squeezing the juice of it, and his tongue glazing his lips, licking off the stray juice.

Nathaniel gulped as he focused on Andrew’s mouth. Nathaniel grew more flustered with each piece of orange that proceed into Andrew’s mouth.

How he can make eating an orange so sexual? He thought to himself as he helplessly observed the brunet. Andrew’s lips stretched in a wide smile, revealing his pearly lips. But who can blame me really, when he eats a freaking orange in such an obscene way? Nathaniel reasoned internally.

Top it off, Andrew licked slowly each of his fingers coated with orange juice. Nathaniel couldn’t stop the images of Andrew licking something else from his fingers flashing in his mind. He squired in his seat, feeling hardened in his downward area. Andrew grinned, as if know what was happening to his body in this instance.

How is it possible that no one noticed this, it was a freaking porn over there. Perhaps, he was just exaggerating but that was intense, Nathaniel felt the need to run from there and take another cold shower, or else he could not be deemed responsible for his actions.

“Nathaniel, I owe you an apology for being tardy. I was held by my teacher,” she said as he approached the table.

Seriously, she was gone? Nathaniel thought. He didn’t even realize she was gone. He was too immersed in Andrew. Nathaniel smiled at her, pretending that everything is fine as it is and that he wasn’t throbbing with the brunet two tables away. Allyssa sat beside him, hugging him lovingly. He had to fight a moan at the pressure change on his aroused downward area.

Damn you Andrew, Nathaniel exhaled slowly, trying to remain composed. He glanced at Andrew who wasn’t looking at him anymore. He seemed kind of pissed off. Nathaniel wondered what that was all about.

“Nathan, we didn’t go out in a long time. Can we go out tonight on a date?” she asked him, drawing his attention back to her.

He didn’t want to go, but seeing pleading look in her eyes, he softened. She was a wonderful girl and definitely doesn’t deserve this kind of cold treatment. He should try harder of Allyssa, and if anyone can take his mind off Andrew, it would be her. He nodded at her and pecked her on her lips, trying to shoo away the little voice in his mind that was telling him Andrew’s lips tasted better.

•••

Nathaniel was getting ready for his date with Allyssa. He dressed not too fancy but neither too casually. All the time he had a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that this wasn’t right and that it wasn’t what he really wanted.

He ignored the little voices in his head as he focused on looking at his face. He glanced at the clock, it was almost 8:00 in the evening. He had to fetch Allyssa first. He tightened the coat around him since it was getting really cold when he was inside the car, winter was definitely coming.

He saw Allyssa waiting for his arrival outside, wearing her most comfy drees. The red body-hugging tube dress that rested on her mid-thigh, the sinful black plumps illuminating her long legs, her silky hair, and her seductive lips gave her a way to get any man’s attention.

Her outfit complimented her snow white skin making her sexier. She looks simple yet elegant. Nathaniel approached her with a smile on his face as he held her hand onto him. They got in quickly and drove off to the restaurant. Allyssa made some last minute reservations for them, at some-semi place.

Nathaniel was becoming agitated with himself, because he couldn’t help but think about Andrew. It seemed that the brunet was the only thing running through his mind nowadays.

Allyssa was trying to keep the conversation light and to engage him, but all his responses were half-hearted and forced. He pushed his food around his late distantly, stuck in his mindset. If Allyssa noticed everything she didn’t say it, but she kept being all sweet and patient with him all along. He lost his appetite as guilt stabbed him in the gut.

I didn’t know I could be this horrible to her, I should at least try. She deserves that much, Nathaniel convinced himself as he tried to smile. He never had to force a smile before, it came naturally as breathing and now he doesn’t know himself anymore.

“Let’s get out of here, Ally.” he told her causing her to perk up at his sudden mood swings. I have to at least try, Nathaniel thought as he stood from the table and grabbed Allyssa’s hand. She followed him, her face was lightening up with a smile.

Nathaniel kissed her intensely, and whispering in her ear seductively, “Are your parents’ home?”

How didn’t I realize this before? Nathaniel lay in his bed. His fingers were clutching the pillow tightly as his tears soaked it. He never wanted to cry his heart out. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks and at the worst time possible.

“I love you, Nathaniel.” Allyssa whispered to him passionately as he was about to reach her peak. He just stared at her facial contours in the darkness of the room, not able to utter sound. He thought sleeping with her would be better, would get him out of his head, but it wasn’t working. That uneasy feeling in the fit of his stomach only intensified, beads of cold sweat breaking out his body, his heart racing from the panic.

“I love you too, Ally.” he barely whispered as tears prickled in the corner of his mouth. I do, I love her, but not like I love him. Realization hit him forcefully, kicking the breath out his chest. He denied it to this moment, but not anymore.

All the while Allyssa was touching him, he thought how wrong it is. How her hands are not as delicate as him, her lips not as soft and delicious, his touches not making his body feel as if it lit on fire. He was having sex with her but he was longing, he was aching for his lips, his touches, and his warm masculine body for Andrew.

“Andrew, you’re making me hard.” he was out of his mind, not recognizing who his companion was.

“Hey, it’s Ally you’re with.” she said in-between, as she showered him with kisses.

Nathaniel excused himself soon after, barely managing his tears. Allyssa repeatedly asking him if he was alright, but what he could tell her?That he fell in love with a guy, not any guy, Andrew Harriet for that matter, the guy who loathed him, who wanted him for God knows reason that will only shred his heart into tiny pieces in the process. But he shouldn’t tell her that, how could he? So in the end, he did the only thing, he lied.

“No biggies, I am not just feeling well. Sorry for ruining our night.”

“No harm done. Just get better.” Allyssa pecked him gently, and walked him to the door of his building.

“I don’t think I can take you home, I just want to get some rest. You know how much I was deprived of sleep these days.” he faked out a sad smile.

“It’s fine. Your health is all that matter. I won’t mind at all.” her smiled assured him of her sureness.

Nathaniel was gazing at her car, it’s been a minute since it was gone from his sight, but it seems that he doesn’t have plan to move in. He was remained dumbfounded in the middle of nowhere.

How is this possible? How can he make me feel this way? Why do I have to be madly in love with him? Nathaniel bombarded himself with questions as his chest swelled under the intensity of unleashed feelings.

All the suppressed emotions washed in waves over him, making him feel as if he was drowning in despondence. It was bittersweet really, he knew how whom was his heart yearning for, but also he knew that Andrew could break him easily, and just as he thought, petrified him, it chilled him to the bones, because he knew that’s what going to happen. He fell for him, how or why, he didn’t know, but he did, and that was a barefaced factuality he had to face. Nathaniel cried to sleep at that night.