Play with Fire

[October] 9

Hyungwon didn't go to school nor did he left his room for more than two weeks. He also hadn't a reason to go out. His mom has been transferred to the intensive care unit since her lungs collapsed every now and then. She now needs to carry a oxygen mask around. Hyungwon wasn't allowed to visit her at the moment because her immune system was so weak that everything could cause a illness.

Since the conversation with Hoseok, he felt like every bit of energy that was left in his body was gone. He wasn't able to eat properly, to drink something or at all taking care of himself and the apartment. He hadn't the energy to leave his bed and go to school. His friends tried to contact him a few times but he never responded. Kihyun was extremly pushy in that case. The boy had called him at least two times a day. But even though they were worried about him they still thought it was because of his mother and never really asked about it.

But the missing energy wasn't the main reason why he skipped school. The main reason was, he was afraid. Afraid to meet Hoseok again. Afraid that he wouldn't be able to control himself or his feelings when he would walk past the older.

Everytime he thought about him, tears started to run down his cheeks. He felt so stupid. He had opened up to Hoseok like he'd never done to anyone before. He even told him that he loved him. And yet he was turned down like that.

He had hope when Hoseok hugged him. But directly after his hopes were again destroyed by Hoseok's words. And it had seemed as if the older didn't even cared about the feelings of the boy. Like he just wanted him to stop following him because he was annoyed.

But why, for God's sake, had Hoseok kissed him then? The first kiss that he had started. Not Hyungwon. And then, when Hyungwon had kissed him, he also hadn't rejected him. If anything he had returned and even deepend the kiss as if he had wanted this for as long as Hyungwon.

That doesn't make any sense.

He let himself fall back into his pillows and sighed. Why can't those feelings just stop? He was sick of being hurt like this. Sick of being unable to do literally ANYTHING. He drifted off once again when his phone started buzzing. He turned to his nightstand and looked at the display. Kihyun. Again.

But different like the other times he this time answered the call.

"Hey Ki..."

He could hear the older inhaling harshly when he heard Hyungwon's voice.

"Hyungwon! Finally! What is wrong? We were so worried about you! Why didn't you answered our calls and messages? What happened?!"

The worry in Kihyun's voice immediately caused a guilty feeling to raise in Hyungwon's heart. And again, tears started to run down his cheeks. He couldn't tell Kihyun the real reason why he had distanced himself from everyone. Even though he had said he would stand by his side and help him. But Hyungwon doubted that the older would really understand the feelings Hyungwon had for Hoseok and the pain he felt ever since he got rejected two weeks ago.

"I-I'm sorry, Kihyun..."

He let out a soft sob which Kihyun of course noticed. His voice got softer and he tried to calm Hyungwon down through the phone.

"It's okay. I'm just glad that you finally answered my call. I have the feeling that something is wrong. And it doesn't have anything to with your mom's condition. Do you want to talk about it?"

Hyungwon stayed quite but he rolled up into fetus position and wrapped his one arm around his knees, pressing them against his chest while crying silently.

"Is it about... Mr. Lee?"

Even though it was just a simple question and Kihyun had asked extremly carefully, Hyungwon let out a loud sob and a little heartbreaking sound and Kihyun knew instantly that he was right.