Play with Fire

[October] 10

The next morning Hyungwon was woken up by the sounds of someone talking. He sat up and looked around. The room he was in wasn't familiar to him at all. He let his gaze wander. It was a big room. The bed he was laying in stood centered against a wall which he recognized as the external wall of the building and he was looking against a huge wall unit. The wall to his left was full of windows. Hyungwon stood up and walked over to them, his naked feet making little tapping sounds on the wooden floor. The view was breathtaking and Hyungwon took his time to admire it.

Under the windowsill where drawers and shelves filled with books. He kneeled down to look at the titles. There were many books he'd never heard off. But one book caught his attention. It was called The Notebook. He took it out of the shelf and started to read the first page.

"Did you found something that's interesting you?"

Hyungwon startled and almost let the book fall down. He turned around and looked at Hoseok, who was leaning against the door frame, a small smile on his beautiful lips. The older was wearing short black pants, a oversized black shirt and glasses. His hair was messy as if he'd just gotten out of bed. Hyungwon was so shocked that he couldn't do other then open and close his mouth over and over again like a fish.

"Wha... Wha..."

Hoseok came over to him and grinned at him, softly holding his chin up a little bit.

"What you're doing here? Well, you got extremely drunk yesterday and stumbled into me and I took you home. I couldn't leave you alone. Besides you probably wouldn't have let me go. Especially not my ass."

He laughed at the younger who's face turned red slowly because of embarrassment.

"Oh god... I-I'm so sorry Mr. Lee... I can't remember anything of those things... Did I do anything stupid? I mean, besides... not letting go off your..."

Hoseok shook his head and then pointed towards a chair.

"No, you haven't done anything. I just laid you into the bed and you immediately fell asleep. I slept on the couch. By the way there are your clothes. You took them off and I folded them this morning."

He didn't want to tell the boy that in fact he had undressed him, that Hyungwon had told him that he loved him and that he slept next to him. It was already embarrassing enough for the boy and Hoseok didn't want to make it worse. Now wasn't the time to talk about that. Maybe one day.

The boy walked over to his clothes and then looked down on himself. He was still wearing Hoseok's shirt, which he had given him last night.

"Is this yours?"

Hoseok nodded.

"Yes. I gave it to you last night before you went to bed. You can keep it if you want to. It's an old one."

Hyungwon nodded lightly and took off the shirt. He then took on his own clothes and raised his head. But Hoseok was already gone. Hyungwon sight lightly and for a short moment he pressed the shirt against his chest and inhaled Hoseok's scent even though it was slowly fading. He took a last look at the bedroom and then left it, joining Hoseok in the kitchen.

The older was standing at the stove with his back turned towards Hyungwon. When he heard the boy coming he turned around and looked at him, biting his lip. For a moment the two males stand in front of each other, each of them admiring the look of the other.

"Are you hungry? I'm about to make some pancakes. Or do you maybe want some coffee?"

Hyungwon took a seat at the table that was standing at the front side of the u-shaped kitchen, one knee pulled up. He wrapped his arms around the leg and placed his head onto his knee, still only admiring Hoseok.

"Just coffee for me, thanks."

And within seconds Hoseok placed a steaming cup with dark liquor in front of Hyungwon who thankfully wrapped his long fingers around it. Hoseok meanwhile had started to make breakfast. Hyungwon slowly took a sip from the hot coffee and studied the back of his teacher. Even though the shirt was oversized it was visible how the muscles under it played along with every move Hoseok made.

"What are you starring at so intensively?

Hyungwon was caught off guard. He hadn't realised how long he had started at the older's back. Quickly he took another sip. Trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Nothing..."

Hoseok chuckled lightly and kept on going.

"You know, I can feel your look on me. I know that you're staring at my back and my muscles. And I also know what you're thinking."

The older turned around, crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the countertop, looking at the younger.

Hyungwon was red like a tomato and tried everything to avoid the look of the older.

Hoseok came around the counter and kneeled down in front of Hyungwon. The boy pulled the other leg up to create a little space between him and Hoseok. Flashbacks from the last time Hoseok had kneeled down in front of him, rushed through his head and he involuntarily began to shiver. Hoseok noticed that and his look turned worried. He carefully unwrapped Hyungwon's fingers from the mug and took them in his own hands.

"Hey, why are you shivering? Everything's fine. I'm here."

Hyungwon lowered his gaze and concentrated on his knees instead of looking into the older's face.

"Nothing is fine... The last time you kneeled down you broke my heart. And you saying that you are here makes it even worse. I-I'm sorry... I think it's better if I leave. Thanks for everything."

He took his hands out of Hoseok's and walked to the hallway. Hoseok still sat in the kitchen and looked at the seat in which Hyungwon had sat just a second ago.

The boy had just put on his second shoe when he suddenly felt two strong arms wrapped around his torso. A face was pressed against his back. Hyungwon grew stiff and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry... Please, don't leave. I didn't want to break your heart but we just-"

Hyungwon turned around and by that broke the hug. He looked at his teacher. He could see that Hoseok really regretted hurting Hyungwon like that. But every regret in this world wouldn't have helped Hyungwon in this moment. His heart was broken a second time when he shook his head.

"And that's the problem. I know you have feelings for me. I don't know what kind of but there is something inside you that won't let me go. But as long as you won't admit it to yourself, you will keep on hurting me and I can't handle this. And nothing you will say or do can keep me from leaving."

With that he turned around and opened the door. He stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him, leaning against it for a second. He sighted deeply and tried not to hear Hoseok's low sobs that reached his ear through the closed door. Was it stupid to go? He had what he wanted all along. Hoseok had begged him not to leave. He wanted to have him around. Why ever. And yet Hyungwon had decided to leave.

Am I stupid?