Unspoken Words

Chapter 6

        I open my eyes slowly and the first thing I notice is how warm I am. I turn over slowly and run into something hard. I hit it with my fist and hear an inaudible moan. Before I realize what's going on, Jace is staring at me with a worried expression on his face.
        A smile finds its way to my lips and I can feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "I'm s-sorry," I stutter and look down, trying not to flinch. I can feel his eyes on me and anxiety courses through my veins. I close my eyes and fiddle with my fingers nervously. A finger finds the bottom of my chin and moves it up so I am forced to look in his eyes.               
        "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise you that." He whispers and I am too scared to move. What if he does? I mean, he hasn't yet, but that doesn't mean he won't. I search his eyes and can't find anything but reassurance. He's telling the truth. I nod slowly and send him a small smile.
        The door opens and I fall back into him, startled. His arms encircle me protectively as the nurse steps in. Upon seeing who it is, he relaxes slightly, but not completely. I smile softly at his sweet gesture and try to keep my attention on the nurse.
        "The doctor said that as far as he can tell, there isn't anything wrong beyond a concussion. Even so, for the next few weeks, be more careful." She turns on her heel and walks out the door before I can even nod. WOW, rude much?
        I start to get up, but Jace slips out from under me and pushes me down. He runs to the other side and helps me up slowly. I chuckle at his protectiveness as he helps me slip on my shoes. He helps me into the bathroom and gives me my clothes so I can change. I do so and look in the mirror. I am wearing a red and white striped shirt with black skinny jeans and my red TOMS. I chuckle at his interesting outfit choice and open the door, walking out.
        As soon as I step out, he is by my side, making sure I don't fall. We walk out of the room and down the hall to where the receptionist's desk is. She hands us the release forms without even glancing at me. We take them and walk over to the seating area so Jace can fill them out. At that moment, my mom comes running in and sees me. She plasters a smile on her face even though her tear stained cheeks aren't well hidden.
        "What happened?" I ask, my voice sounding stronger than I thought it would. 
       "Nothing honey, how are you feeling? I brought-"
        "No, Mom. What happened?!" She looks at me with wide eyes and I stare at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue.
        "Your dad... He umm," She clears her throat and I know then that it is something really bad. It doesn't take much to make my mom cry, but when she loses her words, that's when you know its serious. "He left us honey. Your dad left. He was released from the hospital and when I took him home, he locked himself in his bedroom. I figured he wanted to be alone so I didn't bother him. When he came out a few hours later, he had two suitcases and his briefcase. He told me he was leaving and he walked out the door without saying goodbye. I'm so sorry dear."
        For a second, the words don't sink in. Time seems to have frozen and I can't believe what she's saying. I can't register it. "W-what do you m-mean he left u-us?" I stutter and feel my heart it the floor, shattering into a million pieces as the words sink in. He left us.
        "He said he couldn't take the stress this family brought him. I'm so sorry baby." He couldn't take me. Its my fault he left us. Not her, not our family, me.
        Before I know it, I have dropped the clipboard and am on my feet. They are carrying me past the elevators and into the stairwell. I soon lose track of the number floor and just keep running. I reach the bottom and push open the door running into the lobby. I keep running and open the exit doors before stopping.
        I look at where I am and run through the memories of my dad being here the day before. How worried he was for me. When he was here the other night when I'd attempted suicide. And now he's gone. FUCK.
        I start running again and don't stop until I can't run anymore. I fall to the ground and curl up in a ball, letting the tears flow freely. Why did this have to happen now? Of all times it could've happened, why now? 
        I cry for what seems like hours until I feel a presence behind me. I choose to ignore whoever it is and continue to lay there. A pair of long, strong arms, wrap themselves around me and pick me up delicately. They hold me so gingerly its as if I'm so delicate I might break.
        The door of the car opens up and I am placed carefully inside of the vehicle. It closes behind me and I hear the other one open and shut as the car turns on and starts moving. I don't even bother to see who it is and don't care either. It could be Santa Clause and I wouldn't give a damn.
        I get so caught up in my thoughts, that time flies by. Before I know it, the car stops side of my house. I look at it and know I can't go inside. I get out of the car and close the door behind me, muttering a soft thank you. Still not bothering to see who it is, I walk down my sidewalk past the houses on my street. I don't know where I'm going, but anywhere is better than here at this point.
        I feel like I'm being watched, but try to shrug off the feeling. Not long after, the car pulls up beside me and the same strong arms are wrapped around me again. They lead me back into the car and help me in. I feel the car shift into drive and pull out as it hits the main road. I stare at the road ahead, not really paying attention to where we're going.
        At this point, I could be being kidnapped and I wouldn't give a shit. I have no more fucks to give and can't bring myself to feel anything at all. The car pulls to a stop once again and I don't move a muscle. I will myself to do something, anything, but I can't bring myself to do it. I just can't. I close my eyes and the tears come back.
        I don't even bother to wipe them away and feel big, soft hands doing the task for me. "Are you alright, love?" I know that voice immediately, although I can't picture him anywhere. I turn to look at his face. The brown curls frame his face nicely and the quiff adds a nice touch to the bad boy look. Although those are nice features, it is his piercing green eyes that pull me in the most. They are hypnotizing and hard not too look at. I recognize strong feelings toward him, even though I can't figure out whether they are positive or negative.
        "Don't I know you?" A look of fear passes over his face and he quickly hides it. He thinks for a moment as if trying to figure out what to say and I wait patiently for his response.
        "Um yeah.. We know each other from school. We have every class together." I nod as a quizzical look finds its way onto his face. "Wait, don't you know who I am?"
        "I recognize you and I know I know you. You're so...familiar... but I don't remember who you are." He nods slowly and looks at his fidgeting fingers as they sit in his lap. 
        "Well, do you um want to come inside?" I look at him, startled. If I know him from school than maybe he can jog my memory and help me figure out what happened. I nod slowly and he gets out of the car, quickly running to the other side. He opens my door, helping me out as we walk to his front door.
        His house is beautiful. It has two stories and is white. The upper level has stained glass windows and there is a nice little garden out front. He opens the front door and as soon as we step inside, my breath is taken away instantly. In the middle of the room is a grand piano that looks like its never been played. The sight is amazing and I can feel my fingers itching to fly across the keys, but I restrain myself.
        I hear a chuckle behind me as I can practically feel my hands spasm. "Go ahead, love.' He says quietly in a semi raspy voice. Shivers run through my body and it takes everything I have not to show him the reaction he invokes on me. My hands begin to shake and I take a small step towards the piano before stopping. "I c-can't." I whisper quietly, dropping my head before he can see the emotions there.
        He uses his fingers to gently lift my head so he can look me in the eyes. I know what will he will find there and can't let him see it, so I jerk my head away from his hand and stumble back, trying to get away from him. I run into a wall and silently curse, the shaking in my hands spreading to my entire body. As he slowly walks closer and hovers over me, I slide to the ground, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my head in my knees.
        I feel the heat that radiates off his body as he sits right in front of me. He gently moves me so I'm leaning on him and I quickly burrow into him, trying to escape the memories. He wraps his arms around me without missing a heartbeat. I calm down slowly and push the thoughts away, bringing myself back to where I am. In his house, in his arms.
        "What happened to you?" He whispers into my hair and I freeze, tensing up immediately. He notices too because immediately, he starts to rub circles into my back and arms. To be honest, I don't know how to process what he's said. I've been running from it so long, I never figured out how to face it.
        "Nothing," I whisper, so lowly that for a moment, I'm not sure he heard me.
        "Please don't lie to me." He says in a low raspy voice, and soon I'm shaking again. His grip on me tightens as he brings me closer to his chest. I hold onto him because right now, he is all I have. He is the only thing real.
        "I don't know how to tell you the truth." I say honestly.
        "Tell me everything." He says with a note of finality. For some reason, he really wants to know. I nod slowly and he apparently feels it because he waits patiently.
        "Um.."
        "Harry." He says, picking up on the fact that I don't remember his name.
        "My sister, Rose died last year. She'd been fighting it for years, but she couldn't anymore. She gave up." I pause, choking down tears as the memories run through my mind. His grip on me tightens to the point where I am basically sitting in his lap. "She suffered with leukemia. The kind that she had was very rare, and of the few cases that had retracted it, all passed. Including her. My mum and dad always used to fight. She was the one that fixed things. The mediator I guess you could say. They would never fight in front of her. She was their angel. I was the mistake." I pause, blinking back tears as I swallow hard, trying to keep control.
        "I had gotten used to the knowledge of being the mistake. I mean, to be honest, it didn't take a rocket scientist to see it. I was over it, because she was everything to me too. When she got sick, I lost it. The only reason I held myself together in one piece was because of her. I had to stay strong for her, because I was the older sister and if I lost it then she would lose her hope and I couldn't let that happen. Its a miracle I held myself together for so long. She fought so hard and for a while, I thought she would beat it and I knew that if anyone could, it would be her. But she didn't. She never had a chance, Harry. We were just prolonging the inevitable. The day she died, I broke. Everything I loved was gone.
        "After she was gone, they tried to have me take her place. I was forced to do the same things she did. But when I wasn't good at them, it made it worse for me. They would tell me they didn't love me and that it should've been me who died instead of her. But what I think the hardest thing was, when they verbally told me I was a mistake. That was when I started cutting..." I pause for a moment and feel him go stiff. I take a deep breath and continue.
        "She was my world and when she left, it was like a part of my had left too. A part that could never be replaced. The whole thing with my parents didn't help either, and when they told me I was a mistake, that was it for me. I went up to my room and locked myself in my bathroom. I had an eye-pencil sharpener in the cabinet behind the mirror and I smashed it open. I crushed it until I could pull out the razor blade. That was the first time I ever cut myself. No one knew and no one would've cared if they had. So, I tried to go on with my life. I tried to busy myself with various things, but none of them stuck. I wasn't good at anything, and I guess that made it worse. Especially since she was good at everything. My Rosie Posie was good at everything. I even tried to do some of the extracurricular activities Rose was involved in, but was never good at them.
        "I had given up, and things at home were gradually getting worse and worse. Then one night, I left. I couldn't deal with it anymore, so I just took off. Rose and I always used to talk about running away to different places. After school, she wanted to travel the world with me. But she never got through her freshman year." I wipe the tears from my face as they fall rapidly.
        "Eventually, my parents realized what I had done and knew where I would go. They brought me home and since then, things have been better, but she has always remained in the back of my mind. I don't ever want to forget her, but that doesn't mean I want a constant reminder of her either. Things got easier, but they weren't the same. I played it off like everything was okay, and everyone believed it. Even my parents. Only I knew that it was all a lie. And this whole last year, I've been growing closer and closer to my dad since I never really got along with my mom. When he got into the car accident the other day, I visited him in the hospital. I freaked and couldn't see him that way. It killed me because I couldn't lose him too. 
        "I was on my way back from the hospital when I crashed into the bridge and fell into the river. That's how I know Jace. He saved my life." Harry's muscles tense underneath me at the mention on Jace's name and I am left dumbfounded. I ignore it and clear my throat, holding back fresh tears before continuing. "I was fine and then something happened. I can't remember, but apparently, someone slammed my head into the mirror in the girl's lavatory at the school and I had to go to the hospital. I got out today and my mom came to see me before I left. With everything happening, I hadn't gotten a chance to visit my dad again so when she told me he was released, I was so happy. I thought for sure he would die, and yet he was perfectly fine! But she wasn't done. She also told me that when she took him home, he locked himself in their bedroom. He never does that and I mean NEVER. Right then, she should've suspected something, but she didn't.
        "He came out of their room a few hours later carrying his two suitcases and his briefcase. He told her he was leaving us because he c0uldn't deal with the stress that came with being a part of this family. When what he really meant, was that he couldn't deal with me anymore, and I honestly don't blame him. A bit before the accident, I was in the hospital because I had attempted suicide. So no, I don't blame him for wanting nothing to do with me because honestly, I wouldn't either." I stop, letting him know that I am done and he turns me around in his arms, holding me close.
        He kisses my forehead gently, his plump lips lingering, before he caresses my face, wiping away any and all tears that are left. I take a deep breath before steeling myself.
        "No, stop. You don't have to do that with me. You don't have to put up walls and act like everything is okay all the time, especially when we both know it isn't." I look down quickly, fighting back tears as he hurriedly, but gently, lifts my head back up, wiping away the now fresh tears that are streaming down my face. "Know that you always have me okay? And I'm not easy to get rid of." He smirks, trying to lighten the mood a little as I take deep breaths. 
        He is the first person I have every told about Rosie and I don't regret it one bit. Lets hope I don't either.