Unspoken Words

Chapter 8

        I can feel something hard underneath me as I wake up and slowly open my eyes. I look at my stomach to see a very peaceful sleeping Harry. He must have fallen asleep and ended up with his head on my stomach somehow. But to be honest, he looks freaking adorable. I smile at the sight but jump when I see a smile come to his face.
        "I can feel you watching me, ya know.." I blush furiously and turn away before he opens his eyes. I can feel him laugh as his chest vibrates beneath me. He pulls my face so I am forced to look at him and I can't help but laugh at him.
        When I catch my breath and stop laughing, I look at him seriously. "Can I poke your dimples?" I say it as seriously as I can and have to bite down on my tongue in order not to laugh and break my composure. Harry bursts into a fit of giggles and I raise one eyebrow, trying to remain serious.
        When he laughs, he looks like an angel. His head tilts back as his eyes wrinkle up, closed. His nose wrinkles too and his mouth opens up into a smile revealing his perfectly straight, white teeth and is adorable dimples. I fight a smile as he opens his eyes and stops laughing. When he looks at me, he looks confused as to why I'm not laughing.
        I reach my hand up slowly, but he keeps his eyes focused on mine. I poke one of his dimples and his eye brows furrow. I poke the other one and he can't help but smile too. I fight mine and continue to poke them. He flips us over so I am underneath him and begins to tickle me. I let out a gasp and start laughing. I spaz under his touch, each time sending shivers through my body.
        Soon, we are both laughing uncontrollably. Me, because he is tickling me and I am very ticklish, and him because he obviously finds my reactions to being tickled amusing.
        He stops for a minute so I can catch my breath and I take that as an opportunity to run. I jump off of his bed and run down the stairs to the kitchen, hiding behind his mother who is cooking breakfast. Harry was on my heels, so it doesn't take him long to appear in the doorway.
        His mom laughs as she realizes I am using her as a shield.
        "Harry, will you stop harassing this poor girl?" She fights her laughter as she tries to act serious.
        "But Muuuuuuuuummmm, she started it." He pouts and when he does he looks like a little puppy. Lost and adorable. "She poked my dimples..." He looks down and I hear his mum sigh.
        "Well then sweetheart, she's all yours. Go and get her, after all it is fair." Harry looks up and smirks at me as I take off and grab an empty cooking pan, ready to use it if the time comes. "But not in the kitchen!" I drop the pan and run, barely making it to the living room before strong arms wrap themselves around my waist, lifting me into the air.
        I squeal, afraid he'll drop me. I feel his breath against my ear and fight back a moan. "I won't drop you love."
        I wriggle free and jump back, falling over the back of the couch. As I'm about to hit the floor, arms wrap around my back, turning me so I land on the couch instead of on the floor. He then sits on my stomach and continues to tickle me and this time I can't get free. He stops so I can catch my breath and I then notice how close he is in proximity. I hold my breath and gasp as he starts leaning in.
        I lean in too, but gasp and drop my head, startled. I sit up and scoot as far away from him as possible. I can't bring myself to look at him.
        "Did I do something wrong, love?" I can hear the hurt in his voice and it rips my heart into pieces.
        "No, no you- you're perfect its just i'veneverkissedanyonebeforeanddon'tknowhowandi'mscared." I look down blushing and he picks my head up giggling.
        "What was that, love? I didn't understand that last part." I take a deep breath to ready myself before continuing.
        "Promise not to laugh?" He nods. "I'm serious." He stops smiling and nods forcefully. "I've never, umm.. I've never kissed a guy and am scared.. I almost did once but he um.. hurt me." I finish and look away. The last time I had a boyfriend, he abused me. I still have the scars.
        I hear him gasp and he lifts my face to look at his. "I would never hurt you. Never. Now what did he do to you?" I take a deep breath and run through the memories. To be honest, it would be easier to tell Harry what he didn't do.
        "He was my first for one." By the look on Harry's face, I know that he understands what I mean perfectly.
        "But I thought you said you hadn't kissed anyone..." He says gently, but I can hear confusion in his voice.
        "I haven't. He tried several times, but I always pushed him off or turned at the last moment. One time, he tried and when I pushed him away, he got angry. He pushed me up against a wall and...you know. I fought, but he was so strong. He was so strong, Harry. Nothing I did made a difference. When I screamed for help, his friends came running in and laughed. I thought they were my friends too, but when he was done, he just passed me around like I was some sort of toy. I have never felt so low in my life." I paused, hiccupping from the tears that were choking me. Harry reaches up and wipes my tears away.
        "I'm so sorry love, I had no idea." He moves closer to him and I flinch. Looking at me sadly, he pulls me in and wraps his arms around me, holding me as I cry.
        "I yelled for help until my voice was hoarse and yet no one came. When they were done with me, they dropped me off in the middle of the city in some alley. Then they beat me up until I was almost dead. A worker from one of the shops that was attached to the alley found me. He took me to the hospital. I told him I would be fine, so he left. After a week, I snuck out and found my way home. I couldn't deal with being there. I acted like I couldn't remember anything so they never got my name. When I got home, I figured it was better if no one knew. I told my parents that I ran away and they believed me, but never said anything beyond that. They never questioned me, or grounded me, or anything. They just left it at that. When I came back to school, I did my best to ignore him, but he beat me up every day until I switched schools. That's why I've never really dated."
        The look on his face was pure shock and anger. "How could anyone ever do that?!" He pauses for a moment and collects himself. "Olivia, can I ask you a question?" I nod and wait for him to continue. "How many of them were there?"
        I know what he's talking about immediately. My breath hitches as the number I have been trying so hard to forget comes to mind. "Seven." I say with a shaky voice.
        Harry runs his fingers through his hair, pulling at his curls. Suddenly, he wraps his arms around me tighter, pulling me into him as he plays with my hair. "I will never let anything like that happen again, do you hear me? You are safe as long as I am around." He pulls back a little to look me in the eye. I nod carefully and he kisses my forehead gently.
        I look down to play with my fingers when I notice my sleeves slid up at one point or another. Before he can see, I slide my sleeves down quickly. "Olivia..." I hear him say and I shift uneasily.
        "Let me see your wrists." I shake my head and try not to let any more tears fall. I'm pretty sure this is the worst feeling ever. "Olivia...please." I ignore him and get up quickly, pulling my sleeves down so I am now covering my hands. I turn around as he opens his mouth to say something, but is cut off my his mom as she walks in with the food.
        "Mrs. Styles, I just remembered that I have errands to run and I should really be getting back to my mum, so I'm just going to go. Thank you for your hospitality, it means so much to me. And thank you Harry. I'll see you at school. Good bye." I quickly walk by the gorgeous grand piano and slip out the door before any protests can be made.
        I hear the door open as I walk down the steps and hear footsteps on my tail. "Olivia, wait!" Harry. I pick up my speed, and sprint away from him as fast as I can, making it to the end of his driveway with him still on my heels.
        I turn the corner, dashing across the street, when I see a car. Fuck. Its coming right for me and all I can do is stare at it. Maybe I want to get hit by the car. I mean, I want to die, right? Right.
        I close my eyes and brace myself for the impact, but instead feel strong arms around me, picking me up and carrying me out of the way. "HARRY NO! STOP PLEASE! Please Harry please!" I beg, defeated and exhausted from fighting so long.
        He jumps out of the way, right as the car whizzes past and we fall to the sidewalk, him on top of me. For a second, time stops and he is all I can see. Tears are streaming down my face as well as his. It breaks my heart to see him cry, especially since I know that I'm the reason.
        "Olivia," The sound of his voice is heartbreaking. I can almost literally feel the pain in it. "What were you thinking?!" I take a deep breath, not even bothering to wipe my tearstained face.
        "Why didn't you leave me, Harry? I want to die. Can't you see that? I don't want to live anymore!" I lift my sleeves up to show the cuts. "Do you see these?" His eyes widen and I continue. "Do you know what these mean? I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE! I'm tired of hoping and hoping and hoping and having everything around me crumble! My dad is gone. my little sister is gone, and my mum might as well be gone. I don't have any friends at school and I feel worthless and unloved all the time. And to top things off, I now have a gap in my memory that is missing! I don't know what it is and I wish I could remember, but then again, I feel like I don't want to know at the same time. I'm losing one by one things worth living for. I am having harder and harder of a time convincing myself that it is worth living and I'm tired. you should've left me. I was better off."
        I try to get out from under him, but he stops me. "Don't ever think that, okay? You have so many people who care about you and love you and that has to mean something right? They're worth living for, and hey, I'm your friend now, right? That must count for something! Please don't give up. If you killed yourself, I-" He stops and I can feel my heart begging him to continue. As pathetic as it sounds, my heart needs to hear this. I need to hear this.
        He clears his throat as fresh tears stream down his face. " If you killed yourself, I would never forgive myself. You are like a ball of beauty, energy, and joy that has entered my life. You light up my world like nobody else just by being with me. Whether we're just talking, or watching a movie, or having a tickle fight, you make me happier than I've been in a long time." He lifts his wrist into my field of vision and at first I am confused, but when I look closer, I see thin white lines layering his wrist. I gasp and meet his eyes. "You aren't alone, and as long as I am around, you won't ever be again."
        
        At those few words, my heart shatters into a million pieces. I look into his eyes and can easily see that he means it with his whole heart; his whole being. You know how they say seeing is believing, well, that isn't always true. Because while I can clearly see he means it, I have forgotten how to believe it.
        
        And that hurts more than anything.