Unspoken Words

Chapter 11

        For a while, he just gazes into my eyes lovingly, but then, he raises my arm to his lips and kisses along my cuts. He kisses each one tenderly and before I know it, I am sobbing again. With everything that is going on and has been going on in my life, its too much. I can't handle it anymore, not that I ever could. Harry has been the one good thing in my life since Rosie died. Without her, my life has been hell.
        What makes things worse is that there is a gaping hole in my memory and I can't figure it out. As hard as I try, I can't remember it and its driving me insane.
        "What are you thinking about, love?" I smile at his word usage and shrug.
        "Just Rosie. I can't help but think that you are the one good thing in my life since she... passed. If I lose you, I don't know what I'll do. You are the only constant in my life." I look down at my feet trying to suppress the tears now falling. I am a bit embarrassed to admit this and can feel the redness in my cheeks.
        Harry slowly kneels down in the sand so he can look me in the eyes. He moves to one knee and my eyebrows shoot up in confusion. "Olivia, will you be my girlfriend?" I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and smile like a little kid on Christmas morning.
        "Yes, Harry, I'll be your girlfriend." He stands up quickly and takes my face into his large hands, pulling my lips to his in a soft, but passionate kiss. This gesture alone makes my knees go weak and I fall forward into his arms, detaching our lips.
        He chuckles and I look down, blushing furiously. I can't hide the smile that absorbs my facial features as he helps me stand up properly. "When girls say that some kisses make them go weak in the knees, they weren't kidding were they?" I look up into his eyes and see him smirking. I roll my eyes and decide to tease him again. My hand reaches down to his member and I trace it lightly as I kiss his jaw up to his ear and bite down on the lobe.
        When I hear him groan, I know my job is done. I pull back and walk around him, leaving him with a hard member and a shocked expression. I walk back to the waterfall and quickly strip, running into the water and disappearing behind the waterfall. I watch as he walks along the sand, sees my clothes and looks around in confusion. He strips into only his boxers once again and looks up at the rope swing. When he sees I'm not there, he sees the waterfall and runs toward it. I know he has found me as he comes crashing through the water, hovering above me.
        Looking into his eyes, they are still a dark shade of green and I can see the hunger in them. My breathing becomes shallow as his hand meet my hips, lifting me up and setting me on the rock ledge behind me. My breath hitches and I throw my head back as his hand goes in between my legs.
        "H-Harry p-please." I stutter as I feel the familiar warmth. He chuckles as he slips a finger underneath my panties. His eyes widen and a smirk forms as he feels how wet I am.
        "Olivia, do you see what I do to you?" I nod shakily as I feel my legs begin to shake. His eyes widen even more as he watches me shake. "I love how your body responds to me when I haven't even done anything or properly touched you yet." Now its my turn for to widen my eyes. He chuckles at my reaction and sends one finger into my core.
        I throw my head back and gasp at the sudden pleasure I feel. It feels a little uncomfortable because of the tightness, but more than anything, I feel pleasure. His mere touch sends warmth across my skin. Just his touch sends me into a frenzy, but this? This is too much.
        He inserts another finger as he moves them in and out of me. I gasp and moan. He moans too and I look at him and see he is enjoying this as well. I pull him in to me and push my hand under the waistband and into his boxers. He moans and I grip his already hard member. I massage it like before, rubbing circles into it.
        I cup it with my hand and rub it up and down. His head is thrown back as he groans in pleasure. I quicken the pace until he comes undone. We come undone at the same time and I fall into his arms, but he is ready to catch me. He chuckles as he sees how I can barely hold myself up.
        He walks backwards with me in his arms and I kiss his nose. He walks backwards with me in his arms until we reach the water where he stops. I send him a confused look but he only smirks. Before I can figure out what he's doing, he drops me. Fuck.
        I hit the water and squeal as he dunks me. I wriggle from beneath his grasp and crawl so I am behind him. I jump on his back and he spins around, trying to throw me off. When he stops, I think I have the upper hand. That is until he starts running. He sprints towards the rocks I climbed earlier and climbs them with ease. When we reach the top, I squeal as he jumps off, lunging for the rope swing with me clinging to him.
        We swing far out enough for him to let go and he does. I cling to him and feel his body vibrate as he chuckles. We hit water and I come up gasping for air. I am shaking in fear and he comes up, wrapping me in his arms. I start laughing and so does he. That is the craziest thing I have ever done and I am on this sort of adrenaline high.
        I take deep breaths and step back to look him in the eyes. "You are absolutely insane! Did you know that?!" By his smirk, I know that he does and I can't help but smile. "You drive me crazy, did you know that? You could've killed us!"
        The way his face drops I can tell I've hit a nerve. "Do you really think that I would ever do anything to hurt you?" I look anywhere but at him, not being able to answer him. I start walking backwards until I spin around and start running. This is probably the most I've run in my life, but I don't care.
        He appears behind me, lifting me up by wrapping his arms around my waist. I thrash around, trying to get out of his strong grip. "Listen to me." He whispers in my ear. I can't help the goosebumps that appear as he does so. I hum so he knows that I am listening. He sets me down after I give up fighting and turns me around to face him. He takes my face in his hands so I can't possibly look away. "I will never hurt you. I can't promise that I won't piss you off, because I know I will. Just like you'll piss me off. But what I know for sure, is that I won't purposely hurt you. Do you hear me? I won't ever do what those guys did to you. Ever."
        I nod and hug him tightly. He wraps his arms around me and I can't help but notice that for the first time in a long time, I feel safe. Believe it or not, I feel safer than I ever have. I hold onto him like he is my life line. This moment is perfect, and I never want to let him go.
        My phone going off tears me from this perfect moment. I sigh and step back smiling sadly before running over to get it. "Hello?" I answer slowly and carefully.
        "Olivia, where the hell are you?" Jace. Fuck. "You're with that bastard aren't you?"
        "I don't want to talk to you right now, Jace. And by the way, you are not to speak about him that way. He is not a bastard. If anyone is you are." I am completely honest with him. I hear him sigh before the line goes dead.
        "What the hell?" I throw my phone to the ground before turning around to see a sympathetic Harry. Before I can run back into his arms, my phone starts ringing again. What now? "Hello?" I say with frustration lacing my voice.
        "Where the hell have you been you little sluuut." I can hear the slurring in my mom's voice and shake my head. I shouldn't even be surprised really.
        "Mom, you're drunk. You know how I feel about you drinking.." I say carefully, trying not to upset her.
        "You think I care? I don't even care about you! Now get your ass home now and make me dinner!" Tears prick my eyes and I flinch at her harsh words.
        Harry takes the phone from me and I just sit back and watch. "Ma'am, I'm Liv's..." He looks at me and I shake my head. Not now. "Friend. She stayed at my place last night in the guest bedroom. She is welcome to stay for as long as needed. Yes I care about your daughter very much. No she is not a slut. Ma'am I would appreciate it if you wouldn't talk about her that way. Please Miss. Stop. Goodbye Ma'am. You know where your daughter will be. No I will not let you hurt her. End of discussion. Bye, ma'am." With that, he hangs up, handing me my phone.
        I collapse on the ground in a heap. I can't take anymore of this. For a moment, I forget where I am and frantically search through my things for my razor. "Where the hell is it?!" Tears stream down my face as I collapse once again in defeat. I have no more energy to fight.
        "What're you looking for, love?"
        "My razor." I say with defeat clear in my voice. He exhales sharply and moves closer, wrapping his arms around me.
        "I'm here. I'll always be here." He whispers to me and I curl into him instinctively. I love the way he holds me.
        "I know. I love you, Harry."
        "And I love you, Olivia, more than anything." I smile despite everything.
        He continues to hold me and we just sit there, curled up. It feels nice to just sit here, curled up in his arms, hiding from the world. He has been my shield for so much in the past day. Tomorrow I know that I will have to face school again, and to be honest, I don't know what to expect. The thought of going back to school at a time like this terrifies me, and before I know it, I am shaking.
        "Are you cold, love?" Tears prick my eyes once again and a sniffle answers his question. "Hey, love, let's go home, okay?"
        I whimper and he must take that as a yes, because he loops his right arm under my back and the other beneath my knees. I bury my face in his chest and inhale his scent, using it to calm me. He smells like smoke and mint and the smell is intoxicating.
        "You smell really good." I say without thinking after calming down. I feel a chuckle reverberate through his chest as he continues to carry me back to his car. With no warning, he throws me over his shoulder and takes off running, changing direction. Before I know it, we are back at the pond and he is throwing me into the water. I grab hold of his shirt before hitting the water, holding onto it for dear life.
        I squeal at the sudden impact and quickly surface. He is in front of me, dripping from head to toe. I must have pulled him in with me. His eyes are a deep green and the expression on his face is enough to bring butterflies to my stomach. He leans towards me and I think he will kiss me when instead he turns his head to my ear.
        "You look beautiful." His breath tickles my ear and my breathing becomes shallow. I inhale sharply and try to keep my balance. His tongue runs along the side of my ear. I grab his shoulders so that I don't lose my balance and his teeth graze my ear. I pull back to look into his green eyes, only to see them sparkling with hunger. I lean in and kiss him. He immediately reacts and his hands find my hips with ease.
        I run my tongue along his bottom lip and he opens his mouth slightly, giving me all the access I need. Our tongues wrestle for dominance, and surprisingly, I win. Suddenly images of him angry flash through my mind and I jump back, falling into the water. He looks shocked and I shake my head, getting rid of the images.
        My breathing is shallow as he walks over to me slowly. I flinch when his hands cup my face and he frowns. "What's wrong love?"
        "I just, I'm not sure. I just had a flashback kind of thing. I'm not sure what it was, but you were really angry and I was terrified and thought you were going to hit me. I'm sorry." I drop my head and feel his hand on my knee. I flinch away, quickly getting up and walking over to my things.
        I pick them up and slowly turn around to see Harry standing a few feet in front of me with an unreadable expression on his face. "Are you ready to go?" I carefully ask. He nods and we walk to the car in silence.
        I sit down in his the passenger seat, nearly dry due to the wind. I close my door as he starts the car and turns on the radio.
        Let Her Go by Passenger comes on and I hum along quietly. A shiver runs through me, along with a churning in my stomach. Something bad is going to happen tomorrow, I know it.
        I feel the car come to a stop and open my eyes. Somewhere along the way, I must've fallen asleep. I look to my left to find Harry already looking at me. He quickly looks away as soon as our eyes meet. I look down, embarrassed, and quickly open the door, clumsily getting out.
        I trip when my feet hit the ground and fall face first. My face and knees scrape against the concrete, and I suddenly feel strong arms turning me over.
        "Jesus, Liv. You just couldn't help yourself, could you?" I glare at him as he tries to smile, even though it doesn't meet his eyes. I feel a warm liquid running down my face and automatically know it is blood. I look at my knees and see the same thing. I inhale sharply and get to my feet cautiously without his aid.
        He leads me into the house and I automatically go to the bathroom to assess my injuries. I sit on the counter, using a washcloth and water to stop the bleeding from my head first.
        "I'll get the first aid kit." Harry says, standing in the doorway, watching me. I nod and he walks out, to the kitchen I presume. I continue in my attempt to stop the blood with no success. My knees aren't any better.
        Harry comes in and looks at me through the reflection of the mirror. "I see the bleeding hasn't stopped. Let me fix that."
        "No, Harry, I've got it, but thanks."
        "No, Olivia, I insist." I glare at him, but let him anyway.
        I grit my teeth as he runs the washcloth across the wound on my forehead. He reaches into the medical kit and pulls out some gauze. I watch him as he places it over the wound, taping it there.
        He then moves to the scrapes on my knees and does the same. Once I am finished, he puts everything back into the box, closes it, and walks out of the bathroom, leaving me here.
        For a moment, I am shocked. He isn't making any sense. Early he was showing me how he would always be here for me, and then he just shuts down. Then he insists on cleaning me up after my fall, and then he leaves without a word. What the hell?!
        I hurry out of the bathroom, despite the pain in my knees and run up the stairs, taking two at a time. I run into my room and throw myself onto the ground in front of my bed. I lean against it and bring my knees to my chest, despite the pain caused by bending them.
        I hold my head in my hands and control my breathing, trying not to let anymore tears fall. I take deep breaths, but nothing helps. Suddenly, the tears come and I don't even bother to stop them. I curl into a ball and do my best to cry silently. My dad leaving, my memory being screwed up, the whole Jace thing, and my mom being drunk is too much for me. I search the room for anything I can take the razors out of and find nothing.
        I fall to the ground in defeat and just curl up into a ball, rocking back and forth. It feels like I am losing my mind. On the inside I am so broken and on the outside I am forced to smile all the time. That is not happiness.
        I feel strong arms around me as I drift off into sleep.
***
        A gentle shaking wakes me up and I turn over to see Harry looking at me sadly.
        "I'm so sorry, love. I came in here when I heard you and I never should have left you. I was just distracted, I'm sorry." I nod as he pulls me into his arms, holding me tightly.
        "Its alright. Um, can you drive me to my house? I need to pick up some things for school today." He nods and kisses my forehead before leaving to go get ready.
        He pops his head back in with a cheeky grin on his face. "I love you." He says, and I can't help the smile that appears on my face.
        "I love you, Harry."
***
*School*

        Harry pulls into the parking lot and I carefully step out of the car. I look down at my Arctic Monkey sweatshirt, white scarf, and white jeans before I step onto the curb. Harry walks around and takes my hand in his and we walk into the building. Everyone looks at us as they stop and stare.
        I am confused and look at Harry. His expression is unreadable, and my eyes find the ground as we walk to my locker. I open it with ease and get everything I need for my first three classes. He walks me to my first class and sits behind me. I smile when I realize he shares this class with me.
        Apparently, he sits behind me too!
        The rest of the day goes the same way and when lunch comes around, I sit outside against a tree, and after getting his food, he comes to sit next to me.
        "So, how was your day love?" He asks.
        "It was alright. How about-" suddenly, I am drenched in pudding and blue slushy, among other things. I take a deep breath and look up.
        "What the hell was that?" I angrily say. A girl I don't recognize is surrounded by what must be her posse. She smiles fakely before walking away.
        At the last moment, she stops and turns around. "I don't even know what you see in her Harry. None of it makes sense to me. First you were beating the shit out of her and now you're screwing her?"
        I inhale sharply and the images come back. All at once, my brain is assaulted with...memories. Harry beating me up and leaving me on the sidewalk. Him smashing my head into the mirror. Him harassing me and telling me to go kill myself.
        I am brought to reality and I look at Harry. He looks panicked and there is something else... guilt. So its true. I stumble to my feet and grab my bag before taking off. I have no idea where I'm going, but anywhere is better than here.
        Strong arms wrap around me and I don't even attempt to struggle. He spins me around and stares into my eyes pleadingly. "Please just let me explain."
        "There is nothing to explain. And even if you did have an excuse, it could in no way make up for what you've done to me. Why don't you just do yourself a favor and leave me alone before I call the cops. How could you, Harry? I fucking trusted you and you lied to me. Straight to my face, might I add. You said you would never hurt me. You said you loved me. And you know the worst thing of all? I. Believed. You. We're done Harry."
        With that, I leave him standing there. I knew it was too good to be true.
        I told you. My self-conscious mocks.
        I keep walking until my feet can't carry me anymore.
        Before I know it, I am at a bridge.
        Jump. Just end it. It will be so much easier. Just jump.
        And so I do.