Golden (rewrite)

29

"WHAT am I doing!?" Caecilius pulled on his hair as he regretted sending that message to the public.

"Why would I care if that wanker is treated like trash!? Why..." He stopped and pondered a bit.

"Ugh!" He groaned in frustration, he has been experiencing a wave of confusing emotions for the past few days. Caecilius heard the live interview between you and (f/n), he felt... conflicted.

He is now slowly coming to terms that you truly didn't want this to happen, his perception on you is slowly but steadily changing into a positive one.

Believe it or not, he actually saved a copy of that interview in his phone, replaying it whenever possible. He's just... baffled at your words and your apology towards him.

Deep down, he 'forgave' you. However, he just doesn't want to lower his pride and ego enough to announce that to the public or admit it to himself. 'I'm going to be seen as this weak, asswipe!', he thinks.

Caecilius sighed as the livestream ended. He launched his 'file explorer' in his phone and searched for that particular MP3 file of you talking.

He scrubbed the timeline so that it reached the part where you apologized to him.

"—I understand why he acts the way he did, I'd be pretty mad too if my man-crush was stolen by a rando on the streets. Hey, Cece. If you're listenin to this, I'm sorry."

For some reason, your last sentence tugged on his stiff, heartstrings.

"I...I don't understand..." he whispered to himself.

"—Maybe you're probably thinkin' I'm tryna trick you into embarrassing yourself or something else along the lines of that. But no, believe it or not. I never wanted this life, I never wanted to get on your bad side and I never wanted Lanette."

You... never wanted Lanette? You never wanted to get on his bad side?

So... does that mean you really wanted to be his friend?

Caecilius frowned at the confusing storm brewing inside him. He listened on.

"This was something I did not want, this was something beyond my control. I'm trying my best to pull myself out of this mess and leave you in peace. Please, forgive me."

"...please... forgive you...?" He mumbled the last part absentmindedly. He stayed frozen for quite a while, letting his inner self process all his thoughts.

His blank expression suddenly twisted into an angry scowl.

"...why would I forgive a bollock like you!?" He slammed his fist on the wooden table.

"You..." he gulped.

"You—!" He grinded his teeth against each other.

"..." his feelings of rage suddenly dissipates, leaving only emptyness and... guilt?

No one has ever apologized to him like that. No one has ever touched his heart like that. Everyone thought he was insane, stupid, out of his mind for going through extremes to get Lanette.

No one ever validated his feelings.

No one understands.

No one cared.

So... why do you care? Why do you understand him? You're nothing like him! You're not him!