Illumi X Hisoka x reader

44

Illumi came back home after a long night drinking. 

"I'm not capable of love"... he mocked entering the room he slowly walked over to the bed and stared at the beauty who had his thoughts in a tangle. "Honestly... What is it about you." he whispered. He sat at the edge of the bed waking me up.

"Illumi?" I grunted.. "What time is it?" 

"I thought about what you said." he replied "About wether I'm capable of love or not."

"Good lord" I rolled my eyes and sat up straight. This ought to be interesting. "Humor me."

"Love is nothing more but a chemical imbalance. It's just a basic human emotion in which you and I are both above." Honestly this wasn't were I was hoping he was going.. "If we are both to be truthful you're incapable of it as well. So no.. I do not love you. Because i'm not typical person. You and I are mere objects wired to kill and reproduce. But we share a connection.. or bond if you will."

"oh?" I yawned

"We live in a different world were relationships and friendships are unnecessary. But in our world our bond or connection is the equivalent of love."

"I dont get what you're trying say. We cant love but our connection is love? is this making sense to you?"

"I'm saying I trust you. Around you I can let me guard down and relax. I'm not in danger. and neither are you, which clearly means I care for you." I'm still not understanding what he means. "You see my parents love as a standard but when they married it was nothing but a business contract as well. over time they created a bond and formed this partnership and trust."

"Yes illumi... that is love. they fell in love."

"Well I don't know what love feels like but i do know I care for you. Enough to make me feel the  want to kill you." in a flash I was pinned against the bed with Illumi's body hovering over me. "The challenge of it excites me. but when i'm close enough to be able to kill you I know that i don't actually want to. I want to kill with you and for  you.." He traced his sharp nails over the skin of my face "I see how delicate your skin is and easy it would be to rip it open."

"So then you do want to kill me?" I asked

"No." he sighed. 

"You're not making sense illumi, Either you do or don't."

"It's both. Its frustrating how unbalanced my thoughts are because of you. They were never like this."

"What you're describing is love but then again you're saying we're above it.. You havent thought this over you're just drunk and thinking out loud." 

"Maybe so." he placed his weight on top of my body keeping me pinned beneath  him. "I don't understand it. What do you feel?"

"Like I want to be close to you." I said honestly. "I try keeping my distance from you and your madness but I feel alone and fine myself wishing you were close to me."

"Like we are now?" he asked

"Maybe not placing your weight on me but around me yes."

"Why is that. We were always together. We went our separate ways for a year and everything changed. "

"I'm just as confused Illumi."

"lets test this out then." he looked up to me. "Tell me what you feel." He leaned in and kissed me, but it wasn't a kiss I felt before. It was warm. Slow. Theres was no underlying motive behind the kiss. My heart leaped in my chest and continued to pound. Illumi's silky tongue gliding over mine scrambling my thoughts. after breaking the kiss I could feel my face grow red. "well?"

"um.. idk.. that was really sudden and-"

"You look flushed . Your heart is racing against my body. Did you feel emotionally moved by the kiss?"

I looked away. I did feel something from his kiss. something that was more then sexual but the sexual aspect is still there. But his chest is against me as well and he's completely calm. He wasn't moved by it all. I have no effect on him. Illumi may care for me.. but he does not love me. "Yes but it appears that it's one sided."

"Not true." he pulled my face to back to focus on him. "It took more effort for me to keep my heart rate the same."

idiot. "The purpose of you kissing me was to see if you felt something. What was the point if you were going to keep your guard up and not allow yourself to feel something? Why do you insist on making a fool out of me!"

"I simply chose not to show you what i felt." he responded "I wanted to tell you what I felt and see if you trust me enough to take my word for it."

"Then what did you feel?"

"like I could get used to it."

"exactly Illumi. this was all one side-"

"i'm kidding" his glare softened and he flashed me a faint smile. "It made me feel lucky that i kissed you rather than entitled like before. It makes me want more. I want to feel more of that.." he traced his thumb over my lips "May I?"