Lucid

Chapter Two

Three hours and a bandaged toe later, I'm anxiously sitting in the waiting room. My face is swollen from tears, my pants smeared with blood that I can't remember getting there and my mom holding me in her arms.
The only thing I can feel is the knotting and flipping of my stomach. I flash back to her cold pale body.
Suddenly the waiting room gets louder as people continue to shuffle in and out of the emergency room. There's a faint buzzing sound that must be coming from one of the lights. My heart begins to race as the room starts to vibrate, the people's voices drowned out and replaced by the now-harsh buzzing.
I push myself away from my mom and grab my face which is tingling and feels like it's melting off. She looks at me in alarm, shouting something. A nurse comes over but I can't believe he's actually in front of me; he seems like an illusion.
Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I leap out of my chair only to find my legs don't quite work. I fall into the nurse's strong arms and stumble forward. He gently lowers me onto the ground, supporting my head gently with his hands.
The nurse is speaking to me very loudly but I can only make out a few words: "slow" and "breathing". I shake my head, unable to breathe. I feel like I'm drowning. I can't hear very well and my vision blurs as if I'm seeing everything from underwater, through a filter.
In an attempt to get water out of my lungs, I scream. The nurse turns and shouts to someone else. I immediately lift my head up and notice a woman coming over with a syringe. My eyes bulge out of my head. I flip over onto my stomach and start army crawling, knowing my legs won't work.
My pants are yanked down and there's a sharp pain in my left upper thigh. My eyes swell shut, leaving me to just hear the buzz which calms down to a light hum. I feel my lips curl up into a smile when I hear Alyssa whispering softly, "Now you'll get to join me."

My eyes flash open. I sit up but I'm tugged back down onto the bed. I turn to see restraints around my wrist. I try to say something but my voice won't work.
My lips are dry and swollen as I rasp a quiet "Help," eyes bugged out of my head with panic. The male nurse from earlier enters. "Help me," I say, frantically searching the room as if it will give me more information as to what the hell happened.
"Take some deep breaths, Miles."
I take a deep breath and then whisper, "What happened?"
"You had a panic attack. We had to sedate you. You woke up later banging your fists on your knees so we had to restrain you to prevent yourself from hurting yourself."
"I -- I didn't do that though," I say, looking at my knees. I move my legs and notice the dull soreness. "I don't remember."
"The sedative can mess with your memory when you're still under. You slept it off though and after a psych evaluation we'll take off the restraints and you can go home."
I suddenly remember why I'm in the hospital in the first place.
"Home?" I say, raising my voice. "No, no, no. I can't go home. What about... What about-" A tear slips away from me as I drop my head, causing it to roll over the bridge of my nose. I sniffle, staring down at my legs. "Alyssa?"
"After the psych evaluation your mother can inform you on what we know so far."
I swallow the dry lump in my throat. There's news. There's information. Something's happened. I need to know.
To prevent myself from having another panic attack I take a few deep breaths. The faster I get evaluated, the faster I can find out how Alyssa's doing. My heart palpitates. What if she's going to die?
"I'm ready for the evaluation," I say.
The nurse nods with his lips pursed and eyes unfocused. I'm not sure if he's trying to show sympathy or if he's just tired. He blinks slowly. Probably the latter. He leaves me alone, still restrained, for about ten minutes.
Finally, another nurse comes in. She's a female with ginger hair and freckles. She looks young, mid-twenties maybe. She glows as she sits on a stool next to my bed. She pulls closed the curtain and I'm suddenly aware of how little privacy I have.
She catches me staring at the curtain and says, "Sorry that you're still in the ER. We're short on rooms in the hospital right now and since you just needed a few hours to sleep we figured you could stay here."
I nod slowly, trying to smile a little but failing.
"Okay," she says as she flips up the metal cover of her clipboard and reads. "Miles, is it?" I nod. "I'm going to ask you a series of questions. Some of the answers may seem obvious to you and some may not seem obvious, so just take your time and answer honestly. We just want to help."
She smiles brightly with the intent of making me smile back. It fails.
She lowers her eyes to the clipboard again, ducking her head as she clears her throat. "Have you been feeling stressed or anxious lately?"
"Yes."
She scribbles something down on the page. "Okay. Have you experienced a traumatic event lately?"
I roll my eyes. "Yeah. You know that though, don't you?"
"Yes, but I still have to ask. Um, have you had any thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else?" I shake my head slowly, hesitantly. I have never wanted to hurt myself before but it's kind of hard not to in a situation like this. "You sure?" I nod. "Do you suffer from any depressive or anxiety disorders?"
"No."
"Do you suffer from any other mental health disorders?"
"No."
"Have you hurt yourself in the past?"
I shrug. "Apparently while sedated I hit my knees but I don't remember doing that. I mean, I haven't ever intentionally hurt myself before. So I guess that's a no, right?"
"I have to put it as a yes even if you were confused and drugged during the time. Okay, and do you have a stable home life?"
"I don't have a dad but yeah. Mom's great. She takes good care of me," I say, my forehead suddenly itching. I clench my fists as if that will help satisfy the itch. It doesn't.
"And last question: how are you feeling today?"
I'm slightly taken aback. The other questions were so specific. I shrug. "Overwhelmed. Scared. Confused. Worried. I just want Alyssa to be okay." A tear falls onto my cheek.
"I'll have a psychiatrist process this and then she'll decide if we can release you."
"Is there a chance I'll have to stay here? Like this?"
She leans in closer to me and uses her clipboard as a shield for her mouth, as if someone else would be able to read her lips. "I'm not supposed to tell you this," she whispers, "but I promise you'll be released. We just have to act like it's debatable but I'm telling you right now, you're safe to go home. I think that's what you need, too."
I smile shyly, authentically for once.
"Thanks."
She turns and leaves, clutching the clipboard in her pale hand. I find my eyes are still heavy. I let them fall but stay awake. However, minutes later, I find myself drifting off.

I'm jolted awake with the hiss of a train. I place my hands on the dashboard to brace myself for what-I-don't-know.
"Miles. You're awake. It's okay, you're alright."
I place a hand to my chest and wait until my heart lulls back to its normal pace. "Wait -- Alyssa. How is she..."
We stop in the long line of cars waiting for the train to pass. I didn't know there was a train in this town.
"I don't know how to tell you this, Miles. I really don't. But just know that I'm always here for you," Mom says, tucking her wiery red hair behind her ear. "She overdosed on a concoction of medication. She's alive."
I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding.
"But, Miles," she starts again, just as the train passes and the line starts to move. "Her brain isn't functioning normally. She's unconscious still. They told me that if she wakes up she may or may not be functioning like she was before."
"What... what are you saying?"
"Alyssa's in a coma."