Love Me on December

Kabanata 7

Kabanata 7: Fix

I fell asleep as we are taking our flight, but I set an alarm on my phone to wake me up at exactly twelve o'clock of twenty-fifth of December. At ngayon, pinatay ko na ang alarm nang magising na ako at tahimik na ngayon ang buong paligid sa plane.

I glance at my father, at bakas sa kaniyang mukha ang pagkakapagod na natutulog sa tabi ko. I sighed as I stared at him worriedly and sad about what has faced back there in Pinas. I feel so sorry for my father...

Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa katabing bintana, it's all dark and the only thing that has light is when you look down on the countries below. I glance at the time on my phone, and it says that it's already twelve o one. I sighed heavily as I doze myself off to my thoughts.

Ito na yata ang pinakamalungkot na Pasko, na narasanan ko sa buong buhay ko. Hindi ko inakala na dadating sa ganitong ponto ang pamilya namin, na dating happy and complete na sinasalubong ang Christmas. Ang masaklap pa, I'm boarding on a plane welcoming Christmas without a feast and a complete family.

I immediately wiped my tears away, of how unlucky I become from this time forward. I know, that everything won't be the same again like it used to before, everything won't be the same again with a complete family. Because right after we take a step back to Sydney, I'm sure, my Dad would file a case to my Mom right away.

And I shouldn't be looking forward for the next coming Christmas, that our family would be able to celebrate it together. Hindi nga 'yon nangyari sa taong 'to, 'di ba? What more for the next years?

I took out a food from my small back pack, and stared at it hopelessly. How funny to think na ito lang ang kakainin ko sa nagaganap na Christmas Eve ngayon. A small gingerbread na ipinabaon ni Tita Eula sa'kin.

Naluluha ko itong kinain, at mapait na ngumunguya dahil sa hindi matanggap na sitwasyon sa pamilya namin. So, this is how a broken family feels... This is how you deal it alone... This is how you feel all the pain and bitterness alone.

Kahit pa na may katabi akong ama na magiging karamay ko na ngayon ay hindi pa rin iyon sapat. Kahit nagpakalayo-layo na kami ni Dad sa bansang iyon ay hindi pa rin iyon sapat. And it wouldn't be enough, that my father would file a divorce and my mother could just live her life however she wants.

Nakatulog ako matapos akong kumain na tahimik na umiiyak sa madaling araw na iyon. Nagising na lamang ako when the plane is about to land at the airport, and Dad woke me up because of that.

Nilingon ko ang aking ama, na tahimik na may inaasikaso sa kaniyang cellphone. And until now, his weary and pained expression are still evident on his facade. I don't know how to comfort him, hindi ko alam if words would comfort him though. Dahil wala akong alam kung gaano kasakit mawalan ng asawa dahil lang sa pagtataksil.

Christmas day, at nakauwi na kami sa bahay matapos ang mahabang biyahe mula sa Pilipinas. Our house became gloomier. Ibang-iba na ang sistema nito, na ngayon ay alam ko na ang dahilan kung bakit naging malungkot na ang bahay na 'to.

Nang makapasok kami sa bahay, ay kaagad na dumiritso si Dad sa kanilang kwarto na hindi man lang pinasadahan ng tingin ang buong bahay. Naiwan ako ngayong natulala sa living room, kasama ang mga bagahe namin mula sa biyahe at hindi alam kung anong dapat ang unang gagawin sa araw na ito.

And we ended our day, without a feast to eat in our table to celebrate Christmas on that year.

A month passed and my father already filled divorcement to my mother, but it is still on process. Naging abala na rin ako sa pag-aaral. I tried so hard to busy myself with school, ayokong naiisip ang nangyayaring problema sa pamilya namin.